I recently split from a committed, monogamous, extremely long-term relationship. I’m now exploring the dating scene as someone who has never dated online prior to this year. I’m a woman with kids, and I’m not looking for another parent. I want to keep things casual. I haven’t had any boyfriends yet, just a couple of regular … Read More »


I’m a 29-year-old cis straight male. What are the ethics of having a minor cum/breeding kink? Thanks, Dan! No one chooses their kinks—our kinks choose us—so having a kink doesn’t raise ethical issues. Acting on our kinks… making choices that impact others… that’s where ethical concerns kick in. So, if it turns you on to … Read More »

The Watcher

I’m a married gay man in Southern California. I also have a boy who has his own partner. Both my boy and his partner used to live nearby. But in August they moved to Seattle. The “why” of their move continues to bother me. They didn’t move for a job, or to be closer to family, or … Read More »

Ace Case

Young straight dude here. Recently I have come across a ton of articles online about why women shouldn’t shave their armpits. These articles argue that armpit shaving is based on deeply patriarchal anti-feminist notions of female beauty. This leaves me feeling conflicted. I find women’s shaved armpits extremely erotic, if I’m attracted to the person. … Read More »

Loaded Questions

Dear Readers: I’m away this week, so we’re re-running a popular Q&A from a few years back. This column originally appeared in late June of 2018. I’ll be back next week with a brand-new column. — Dan I am a 24-year-old straight guy who recently broke up with my girlfriend of more than four years. One … Read More »

Just the Facts

I’m a woman in a hetero marriage. We’ve happily played with others a bit but not recently because we have a small child. We are both bi and in our 40s. We talked about getting the monkeypox vaccine, but I didn’t think it was urgent because we’re not currently having sex with anyone else. Here’s … Read More »


Can someone be both homosexual and asexual? I can’t wrap my brain around this one. Sure, a person can be asexual while also being homosexual… because asexuality is a spectrum, and that spectrum is broad and vast and includes people who experience sexual attraction and sometimes choose to act on their sexual attraction. Basically, some … Read More »

Crushing Loads

I’m a 71-year-old gay man married to a much younger man. That’s all fine, not relevant so much as just info. 15 years ago, I briefly took Prozac. While it dulled my sex drive, the orgasms I did manage to have while taking Prozac were off the charts. I even talked to my doctor about it … Read More »

Knots Landing

I’m a 31-year-old cis man married to a 33-year-old non-binary partner, and our relationship has always been very vanilla. Over the past few years, I’ve discovered that I’m a kinky person, with a particular interest in both domination and submission. It took me a long time to summon the courage to bring this up with … Read More »

Done Wrong

I’m a gay Black man in my early 30s. When I was a teen, I was called fat and ugly by family and friends. I should also point out that I was in an all-white community with white parents. When I was coming to terms with my sexuality as a teenager, I began working out. … Read More »