Bruise Control

My question could come across as kink shaming. That is not my intent. I am a habitual self-harmer who is planning to seek therapy. However, I find myself unable to stop comparing attitudes towards the kind of self-harm I’ve engaged in with attitudes toward BDSM pain play. When I was a teenager, I would describe … Read More »

Feathered Friends (With Benefits)

Dear Readers: I’m traveling today. Please enjoy this infamous column from the first decade of Savage Love. — Dan As an avid reader of your column, I thought of you and only you for help with this problem. My grandmother, 78 and widowed, is a kind, generous woman who has seen her share of difficult … Read More »

Slick Moves

I’m frustrated. I’m transmasc and use silicone “attachments.” My partner is AMAB. Also relevant: We have very old hardwood floors, non-laminated. For YEARS, I have expressed frustrations about the careless ways my partner handles silicone lube. Multiple times, he has created dangerous slippery spots on the floor by spilling it. Our old hardwood floors absorb … Read More »

Mommy Issues

I’m an intelligent, open-minded mom of a 13-year-old boy. Recently, I’ve found out that my son entered into an online Dom/sub relationship where he asked his “Mistress” to give him degrading tasks like consuming his own semen. Of course, his “Mistress” asked him to “prove his loyalty” by providing her with money in the form … Read More »


I’m a 40-year-old woman, he’s a 35-year-old man, we’ve been together for fifteen years. We met young, and I was his first serious partner. In the beginning, sex was fun, but I’ve never had an orgasm with anyone, ever. We had a ton of other things in common and we stayed together because it mostly … Read More »

Messed Up

I recently discovered that my on-again/off-again boyfriend of ten years has been using online classifieds to schedule encounters with men. He creates posts when he’s out of town for work and he’s very specific about what he’s looking for. The acts are punitive in nature (but consensual) and he is always on the receiving end … Read More »


1. I’m 53-year-old straight woman. I’ve been talking with a guy online for three years — text, voice, video. I am in love with him. He is my daily companion and says he loves me. He lives 269 miles away. He doesn’t want to meet me, although he isn’t married, and lives alone. I’ve tried … Read More »

Mask 4 Mask

I’m a cis gay man in Canada. Other than my supportive enby partner of five years and a few close friends, most people in my life don’t know that I’m a fetish content creator. My stuff delves into the foot porn/macrophilia (love of giants) space. I don’t make enough to live off, but it’s a … Read More »

Priced Out

My boyfriend wants my permission to see sex workers. He did this quite a bit before we were together. He goes to Canada, where it’s legal and supposedly safer. He says he’s just trying to be open and honest about his desire for variety and that I should be glad he doesn’t want to cheat. … Read More »

Best Interests

I’m a woman in a new polyamorous relationship with a man who has a five-year-old daughter. He and his ex-partner split up a year ago and until two weeks ago, his ex wasn’t allowing him to see his child. However, once she learned of my existence, she suddenly changed her mind. I believe she’s letting … Read More »