1. How does one tell the difference between when someone says they love you in a Platonic way and when someone says they love you in a romantic way? One asks a direct question: “That’s nice — but do you mean that platonically or do you mean that passionately? Like, do you just wanna hang out … Read More »

Micro Nots

I was seeing this guy for about four months. We were pretty much dating, doing all of the normal boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. Everything was going great up until last night when he told me he feels all of these feelings for me, but they don’t mean anything because he’s felt this same way about others, but … Read More »

Script Doctor

I’m a cishet woman, married twenty years, three kids at home. My marriage is generally happy but it’s sexless. Going “companionate” was his decision, not mine. The absence of sex is driving me crazy, so my husband has given me his blessing to get sex elsewhere. It’s tricky, though, as it’s hard for me to … Read More »

Loading Zone

My boyfriend recently broke up with me. He confessed that he has been battling an addiction to orgies and couldn’t show up for our relationship in the ways I needed him to. Basically, he uses drugs and logs onto Grindr or Sniffies to find sex parties. He is into the kink of anonymous breeding. He … Read More »

Sexless Wonders

Have you ever seen a successful relationship when the sex was difficult from the start? Or even stopped early in the relationship? I have been with my boyfriend since August and I honestly lost my desire for him early on. He’s a bit of a hoarder and has some self-care and cleanliness issues, which I … Read More »

Christmas Break

I’m away for Christmas. Please enjoy these Christmas-themed questions from the Savage Love archives. Ho, ho, ho! — Dan I’m a straight married guy who spends the vast majority of every year working on site overseas supervising a large scientific experiment my business partner and I set up. The location is extremely remote, and my … Read More »


1. What’s with all the caging in gay porn? The appeal of male chastity devices seems obvious: a cock cage instantly turns the most important thing about a male porn performer into the least important thing. Paradoxically, male chastity devices pull visual focus toward a performer’s dick — they draw the eye — while shifting … Read More »

Parting Shots

I am a 34-year-old gay man who immigrated to Canada from a Latin American country a few years ago. I immigrated with my husband of eight years. Throughout our relationship we had been monogamous, and we never questioned it. (Perhaps due to our Catholic religious backgrounds?) However, the sex was never great. Not even at … Read More »

Maintenance Haze

It’s been a month since my great five-year-long relationship ended and it’s my fault. We were both in our mid-forties, got along, and had amazing sex three to four times a week. Yet I felt unsatisfied with the sex, as it was almost always “maintenance sex,” at least on my ex-partner’s side. While I found … Read More »

What Was Lost

About ten years ago, I was in a serious relationship with someone I loved more than I had ever loved anyone before. I hoped to spend my life with her. But I was deep in the closet, and the process of coming out annihilated large parts of my life, including our relationship. I dumped her … Read More »