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America’s longest-running sex-advice column!

“Savage Love” is America’s longest running sex advice column. A new column is posted every Tuesday. Become a Magnum Sub for access to the full column and the Struggle Session posted every Thursday!

Quickies

1. Quick & dirty question about online dating: What’s the best next step after texting? Audio message? Phone call? Video date? Or a quick, in-person meet-up? I recommend a quick video call — a brief FaceTime chat — before that first brief, in-person meeting in a public place. If someone isn’t willing to jump on … Read More »

Vice Grips

I’m a gay man in his early 30s who’s into sex stripped down to its most basic elements: tops come in, fuck me, come and go. I’ve moved to a new city. One guy in his mid-twenties came over, and we had awkward but passionate sex like that. We chatted a little afterward. I went to … Read More »

Role Perversal

After 19 years together, my husband and I have finally managed to have a really good conversation about our desires. We both struggled to nail down what it is we want — he is a long-term Catholic guilt sufferer — but got to talking about what porn he likes. Turns out he’s into these coercive type scenes, … Read More »

Lies That Bind

What do you think of a man who lied to a woman to manipulate her into staying in a relationship knowing that if he told her the truth she would leave? My boyfriend agreed to exclusivity and monogamy. He immediately began to violate this agreement. He lied repeatedly to me about who these other people … Read More »

STRUGGLE SESSION: Welcome Back to Summer Advice-Palooza!

We’re doing something a different with Struggle Session for the rest of the summer: Instead of me responding at length to reader/listener comments, I’m tossing up one or two short things — quick comments, quick responses — and then sharing a letter that came in this week that’s too long for the column. (Savage Love … Read More »

Quickies

1. Why do so many people — even kinky ones — regard the Daddy/babygirl dynamic as hot but think Mommy/little boy role play is disturbing? Because people can’t stand to see middle-aged women happy and in control. 2. Am I on the asexuality spectrum or do I just have a very low sex drive 95% of … Read More »