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Savage Love Archives for 2006

The Unforgiven

This isn’t the sort of question you usually answer, but I hope you will consider it anyway. I was in a good relationship with a guy, Enis for naming’s sake, for three years. About a year ago, Enis asked me if we could have anal sex. I might lose your sympathy here, but I have … Read More »

Swap Meat

My wife and I have been married four years, and we both are bi. We’ve been propositioned by—and played with—a number of sexy friends heteroflexible enough not to want/need full swap. So our play with others has been limited to oral and light petting. We’ve now been approached by a very sexy couple, a straight … Read More »

Mary’s Uterus

I’m a 20-year-old straight girl. For six months, I was dating a guy I thought was nice and normal. One way my boyfriend showed he cared, or so I thought, was by massaging my feet after work (I wait tables to pay my tuition). Then he confessed that he has a foot fetish. He wasn’t … Read More »

Fuck My Wife, Please!

My boyfriend and I are currently doing the long-distance thing, as I’m finishing up some schooling. About two months ago during some dirty phone talk he said he’d been masturbating while thinking about me fucking another man while he watches. This was unexpected. In the past, I screwed around on boyfriends. He knows this, but … Read More »

High Times

I’m a smoker and my partner is a nonsmoker. He says his face goes numb when I give him head. His theory is that the penis is permeable and is absorbing the nicotine in my saliva. It’s a good theory, but it’s only his face that goes numb—his cheeks and lips, not his whole head … Read More »

Nice Zits

I am a 23-year-old lesbian in a relationship of three months. In these three months, I have been tied up, spanked, cut, burned, and put on display for strangers at her request because she likes it and I’m GGG. My one and only kink is that I get a sexual thrill out of popping zits. … Read More »

Make a Joyful Noise

I live in Colorado Springs, home to the right-wing conservative evangelical movement. As the nation recently learned, the founder of New Life Church, Ted Haggard, was fired after a male prostitute revealed that Haggard bought sex and drugs from him. It’s hard not to feel a bit sorry for him, even though I have always … Read More »


I am a 19-year-old male with a 4.5-inch cock that has not grown since I was 12. My girlfriend says that it does not penetrate deeply enough. I have already lost two girlfriends because they said the sex wasn’t sensational enough. My doctor says I could have surgery, but my girlfriend says I should take … Read More »

Vote November 7!

I’m a 24-year-old male with a 28-year-old girlfriend. We’ve been together for a year and I love her with all my heart. We get along, she makes me laugh, and she even plays video games with me. How awesome is that? But our sex life is less than great. I know there are guys out … Read More »

Donkey See, Donkey Doo

I’m working with Wikipedia, where we’re currently debating the “Donkey Punch.” It may not be real, but Wikipedia has articles on perpetual motion, sewer alligators, and creationism—why not Donkey Punching? The difference, though, is that the Donkey Punch (fucking someone in the ass and then punching them hard in the back of the head or … Read More »

Fire Rumsfeld

I’m a 19-year-old girl, attractive, outgoing, and ambitious. My boyfriend is 21 and shares the same qualities. We’ve been dating since January. At times he gets really moody and won’t tell me why, but I’ve noticed a pattern: 1. Me hanging out with my guys that I’ve known since we were about 13, no attraction. … Read More »

A Special Guest

I am a 20-year-old woman going to school in New York. Recently I admitted to myself that I am either a lesbian or a strongly female-oriented bisexual. With the boyfriend gone and my social anxiety being dealt with in counseling, I am craving a woman. But I have no idea how to meet women. I … Read More »

Doggy Style

My background: I’m a gay man; I recently came out to my friends, mostly because I met someone with whom I wanted to pursue a relationship. I had never experienced this feeling before. After much courting and pursuing, we met enough times that he remembered my name—then came love. Eight months later, despite a few … Read More »

Women’s Work

I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for four months. He’s 41, I’m 37. We enjoy each other’s company; we laugh a lot and he fucks like a champ—a keeper. The issues I have with him are manageable, but I don’t know how to broach these subjects: He has a dental bridge that looks like it’s … Read More »

Fortuny Sucks

I’d love to hear you weigh in on the case of Jason Fortuny, the person who posted an ad on Craigslist posing as a woman looking for a dom male, and then posted all of the responses, including the pictures some men sent him. As a person who receives voluminous amounts of damaging and embarrassing … Read More »

Primary Partners

I’m a divorced man and have been dating a married woman in an open/poly relationship for six months. Her husband has been occupied with his new girlfriend. As a result, his wife has been spending a lot more time with me. She’s feeling abandoned by her husband, and I’m picking up that slack. While I … Read More »

Openly Skank

I am a 22-year-old woman, generally happy, but I have a problem with cheating. I have never been faithful to anyone, and I have had many relationships with men and women. I have finally found someone I feel like I can spend the rest of my life with, I am happy with him on every … Read More »

Dickless Wonders

There was a piece in the New York Times last weekend about the debate in the queer community—particularly among lesbians—over gender-reassignment surgery. Lots of formerly butch lesbians now identify as “transmen.” The strangest revelation was that after one member of a lesbian couple became a man, they were able to get legally married in California. … Read More »

Support Hose

My 34-year-old sister—call her “Carrie”—came out to the family a week ago and is looking for us all to support the decisions she’s making surrounding her coming out. Background: My sister has been somewhat happily married for 14 years and has four children all under the age of 12. She wants to move her kids … Read More »

Back to Work

I love your column, it’s always a good read. But don’t ya think last week’s column was maybe a bit… bitter? I think you should be allowed to get married, Dan. If a stand-up family guy like you isn’t allowed to marry the man that he’s been with for… what, seven, eight years?… then I … Read More »

Summer Reading

I was dating an amazing guy—smart, funny, caring, and interesting. I just wasn’t that attracted to him. Enter my good friend, who I’d been harboring a crush on. I was sure he wasn’t interested in me. Then we were at a party—this was about three months into my relationship with Boy #1—and it turned out … Read More »

Bitter, Bitter

I am about to marry a caring and intelligent man, an amazing lover, a total stud, beyond well endowed, someone who “gets” me. Here’s the problem: I have a ferocious sex drive, to the point where three to five times a day is good and more is better. He has an appetite to match. Despite … Read More »

Call Me

I met a guy through a BDSM chatroom. It seemed like the perfect no-risk adventure sex—he’s dom, I’m sub; he’s sexy as all get-out, I’m fat in all the places he likes girls to be fat. So we hook up. But instead of the one-time adventure I was expecting, we hook up again and again. … Read More »

Here to Help

My boyfriend of three years has a lower libido than I do and rarely wants to do anything sexual. For a variety of reasons, I will not DTMFA. We no longer have arguments about this, but I do feel a bit lonesome for the type of physical contact he won’t provide. Now comes the dirty … Read More »

Skeeved Out

I am a female in my 20s and will soon be marrying my boyfriend of four years. We met overseas via a personals site, and while most things are great between us, we do have one issue: group sex. He wants it, I don’t. After we met, my fiancé brought up the idea of group … Read More »


In my 26 years, I’ve had my fair share of relationships. I’m usually the one spooning up advice to friends hungry for wisdom. Sadly, I’m helpless to aid myself in my current situation. I met this girl four months ago, and she’s “the girl of my dreams.” If you met her, you would know that … Read More »

Mistaken Identity

I am a straight female and have been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for three years. I’m also a politically connected woman, a very “in control” type, and when I say “no” I mean “no.” A little more about me: I was born in Alabama, play the piano, and was a professor at … Read More »

Pretty In Pictures

While in high school and early college, I was fairly sexually repressed (right-wing, Bible-belt upbringing), so I used online chatrooms to explore my sexual curiosity. I would find random pictures of people on the internet, normal and nude, and send them to others, pretending to be the people in the photos. I used both male … Read More »

The Hairy Truth

I’m writing regarding Frigid Frustrated Fool. My problem is hairiness, too: I’m crazy about hairy women! I will stare in rapt lust at a woman’s hairy armpit in public. While FFF sounded too self-pitying to be hot, thoughts of her hairiness moved me to engage in hand-to-gland combat. My question: Where can I find my … Read More »

Kill, Kill, Kill

I decided, at 12 years old, that pregnancy was not something I wanted to worry about, and now, at the ripe age of 26, I’m still a virgin. I exchanged oral favors with my boyfriends, none of whom lasted more than three months. Approximately half said they wanted more, and the other half were only … Read More »

Clit Notes

I’m a straight woman who hasn’t had sex in five years. Why? Because every time I get close to a guy he’s shocked by the large size of my clit. I get, “What is that down there?” “It looks like a mini-penis,” and “I wasn’t sure what to think—guy or girl.” Is there anything I … Read More »

The Politics of Threesomes and More Straight Talk

I am a 22-year-old female with a wonderful, caring, 21-year-old boyfriend. While I have slept with more people, none of my long-term relationships have lasted as long as his single previous relationship (we have been dating for nine months). I felt very grounded and secure in our relationship, and ready to try new things with … Read More »

Straight Talk

I’m a straight guy, 17-and-a-half. I have a Catholic Christian girlfriend and we’ve been going out for four months. She is still a virgin. I’ve been patient and have been waiting for her to be okay with the idea of sex, but there’s been almost no advancement. I’ve tried to make sure that I’m not … Read More »

Salad Tossers

I’m a 22-year-old woman with a 21-year-old boyfriend of 11 months. He loves eating my ass. He goes for my ass when I wake up, after I get out of the shower, when I get home from work. At first it felt good as hell, but now it’s too freaky. We haven’t had vaginal sex … Read More »

Milk Money

I’m a gay man in a relationship for two years. I would say that we are in love. Love in the sense of the emotional kind of love and not so much in terms of the sexual. I do think of him as my husband and we had a commitment ceremony. We want to start … Read More »

Baby Talk

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four years. I love him more than I thought possible. One of the things that makes us so compatible is our similar take on jealousy and fidelity. I’m a bi woman, he’s a straight man. I don’t mind who he sleeps with, he doesn’t … Read More »

Porn Conundrum

I was in a relationship in high school with a girl from the time we were 14 until we were 16. During that time we made a lot of sex tapes together. Sometimes I’d hold the camera, sometimes she would, sometimes it was on a tripod. We both enjoyed watching these videos together. We’ve remained … Read More »

Balls Out

I know this is a little late, but I want to complain about watching Brokeback Mountain in a theater full of gay people. My wife and I went to a screening in L.A. The place was packed with gay men. They laughed throughout the whole movie! The more poignant parts of the movie brought the … Read More »

Stick Pussy

I’m a straight guy with conventional tastes in women. But when I accidentally ended up at a bar with drag queens I found myself turned on by this drag queen in a G-string that came over and shook her tits in my face. Ever since then I’ve had fantasies about male-to-female transsexuals who still have … Read More »


I am a 17-year-old straight girl with a boy problem—and as such I am fairly sure it won’t be terribly interesting to read, and will thus avoid publication. I’ve known this boy for three years. A year ago, he asked me out but wanted me to keep the whole thing secret. We had the prototypical … Read More »


My 18-year-old sister met a creepy old man (COM) at a dorm party at my sister’s college. He proposed to her on their first date. Our parents were suspicious because of the large age difference—COM is older than they are. My sister also told COM that our family is well-off. So our parents hired a … Read More »

Barely Legal

I am a 26-year-old lesbian in a relationship with a 21-year-old. We’ve been together for five years. She is a brilliant student with a bright future. I love her, but I feel that we need to part. I am worried about how she would get along financially without me. While I don’t totally support her, … Read More »

Bears & Bush

I’m a 22-year-old gay male. I’m thin and “traditionally” good-looking. The problem? I like bears. Big, hairy men with beards. I live in New York, and this city is full of cute, skinny, boyish guys, but there are some places to meet bears. The thing is, I don’t really fit in, and I’ve been told … Read More »


I am a 26-year-old female, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost five years. Our relationship is pretty good, for the most part, but I’m having a few reservations. I don’t really know how to broach this subject, because I feel like I’m just being a bratty little princess. But here it goes: I … Read More »

Little Dicks Everywhere

Every time I watch ESPN or Spike TV I see these commercials for Enzyte “natural male enhancement.” Does that shit actually work? Not that I’m small or anything, but I’m a divorced, middle-aged, chain-smoking, overweight single guy that lives in a trailer park. The only things I’ve got going are a steady job and a … Read More »

Mother Fucker

I’m a man in my early 30s and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I started seeing a therapist to “get to the bottom” of my relationship problems and her opinion is that they may stem from an incident that happened years ago. I was raised by a single mom. When I was about … Read More »

Come to the Bash

I am a straight, monogamous man with normal sexual predilections. I don’t need to find someone to pee on me, paddle my butt, tell me about fucking other men, or anything else too weird. So why am I writing to you? First, I wanted to thank you for printing all the letters from the perverts. … Read More »

Disagreeable Advice

I generally don’t agree with the advice you give, but I need help and I can’t talk to my friends. About two months ago I broke off a relationship with a guy I had been seeing for about seven years. I am only 24 years old and I needed to explore other fish in the … Read More »

Cara Kicks Ass

My girlfriend is a smoker. In the beginning it didn’t bother me. I come from a family of smokers and I used to smoke. But now her smoking is a huge turn-off. I’ve also started a new job where I work with cancer patients and I see the deadly effects of smoking everyday. I’ve tried … Read More »

Sound and Fury

I have a sexual interest in the sounds of men using the toilet. There are several restaurants very close to my home, and I hide a wireless telephone headset in an inconspicuous place in the bathroom. I can then record, from my home, the sounds of men farting and defecating. My husband is aware of … Read More »

The Cheated Cheat

I’m a married guy with a good job, a wonderful kid, and my wife’s a good lady. The problem? Sex. She rarely wants it. I’ve tried to talk about it with her, even counseling, but she’s very defensive. She claims that I am treating her as an “object.” She also claims she got adventure out … Read More »

Phone It In

Recently, my boyfriend and I broke up, one reason being his lack of initiative in calling me. I spoke with several of my girlfriends and found out that they, too, have similar troubles with their boyfriends. Some of these women are in serious, long-term, loving relationships. It seems to me that this is a blight … Read More »