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Savage Love Archives for 2008


Here’s your chance to deal with the problems of a couple of senior citizens: I am a woman in my late 60s, and my “boyfriend” is five years older. We were lovers long ago. He came looking for me a few years ago and we reunited. We live on opposite sides of the country, so … Read More »


I’m a 34-year-old straight woman living with a 32-year-old straight man. His daughter is 2, and I am the only mother she has ever known. (Her real mother is a crack whore somewhere.) My boyfriend tells me he loves me, but it doesn’t feel like he wants to spend any time with me. I pay … Read More »

Enemies First

Okay, I need a kick in the face or something. My boyfriend of two years and I broke up a little more than a week ago. He cheated. But there’s a bit more to the story: He was a raging alcoholic, and I’ve broken up with him a few times. One of those times—when he … Read More »

Face Sitting

I am obsessed with my girlfriend sitting on my face, so I can eat her out while my nose penetrates her. It drives her crazy as well. I am wondering if you have heard of a dildo that could be mounted on my face, specifically on my nose, so that I penetrate her more deeply … Read More »

Project Postcard

My girlfriend and I have been on-and-off for almost two years. I took her back after she cheated on me. Now she wants a threesome. I am not down with sharing her, but I am willing to do it because otherwise some other girl will do it for her. I told her that I want … Read More »

All the Red Flags

I am a 28-year-old woman who has been with my boyfriend for two years. I would call it a stable, fulfilling, and kinky relationship. I consider myself GGG, and every time my boyfriend has brought up a kink or variation, I’ve been willing to try it. Some things became a permanent part in our play, … Read More »

Klueless Kinksters

I am a straight, crossdressing male into bondage. That’s NOT my problem. Recently, I began seeing a professional Dominatrix for forced crossdressing, among other things. She was great, but our last session ended abruptly when She told me that She wanted to start dildo training me. I was all for it, but I asked Her, … Read More »

Proposition 8

I have to say I’m disappointed. Proposition 8 passed in California, as did anti-gay-marriage amendments in Florida and Arizona. Decency and compassion suffered a horrible blow, and I was hoping to hear a few words from you about it. Some inspiration before I took off from work to go and protest the Mormon Church. Maybe … Read More »

Doggy Style

I’m a 32-year-old female engaged to a 34-year-old man. Some months ago, when we were both drunk, he “got up the nerve” to show me some bestiality porn and tell me how much the thought of me with a dog turns him on. He was absolutely terrified that I would leave him over this but … Read More »


My boyfriend recently moved in with me—the first straight guy I’ve ever shared an apartment with. I’m very clean and take great pride in my apartment. However, since he moved in, I’ve tried to be mindful of the fact that there will be certain things I’ll need to adjust to. Still, I think it’s important … Read More »

Paid Off

Once again, Savage Love is given over to letters from readers who made the largest donations to the campaigns to preserve marriage equality in California (www.noonprop8.com), protect same-sex couples in Florida (www.sayno2.com), and defeat Stephen Harper in Canada (better luck next time). I neglected to ask readers to donate to the campaign against an anti-gay-marriage … Read More »


In this very special episode of Savage Love, I answer letters from readers who made the largest donations to the campaigns to preserve marriage equality in California (www .noonprop8.com) and protect same-sex couples in Florida (www.sayno2.com). I’m a 31-year-old woman, and my boyfriend and I are starting to experiment with “pegging.” He’s very much into … Read More »

On Bullshit

I feel ridiculous e-mailing you, but I figure that if anyone has heard of all manner of ass-hole behavior during sex, it would be you. I’m a 17-year-old girl, and I’ve only had one boyfriend—who was, at the time, 21 and, I thought, perfect. The only thing that’s still bothering me is the reason we … Read More »

No on Prop. 8

I accidentally discovered that my son-in-law is into BDSM sex as a “dominant.” A few weeks ago, he was holding one of my dog’s leashes and tried to stop my dog (a docile golden retriever) from running up to another dog by violently yanking on the leash. My 65-pound dog was violently spun around. I … Read More »

Boy Trouble

My boyfriend and I are in our mid-20s, love each other, and live together. We have good sex once a week. I’m a girl with a low libido. But my sweet boyfriend needs more. Every once in a while, he brings up the fact that he’d like to have more sex. This conversation always goes … Read More »


When are HUMP! tickets going on sale? We wait with whetted appetites and utter anticipation. Yet when I go to the HUMP! website, there’s not a word about ticket sales, only about making and submitting films for HUMP!. Any information about getting our hands on tickets would be helpful! Thank you! Tall Rough Top HUMP! … Read More »

Teen Beat

I’m a middle-aged guy. My boyfriend just left his teens. We originally got to know each other because I like to tie up muscular young guys and he’s a muscular young guy who likes getting tied up. But he’s a smart kid and after a few months we started actually liking each other. At some … Read More »


I’m a 38-year-old straight male in a long-term relationship. We have two children. My spouse and I have been physically disconnected for years. This led to some rather sleazy adulterate behavior on my part. We recently discussed the topic (at which time I informed her of my indiscretions); we have decided to remain together for … Read More »

Sexphobes and Sextras

So I have been in a relationship with the same guy since I was about 16. It’s been a little over four years, but I came out to him a year ago about the fact that I’m bi, which he has no problem with. Since then, I have had wild fantasies about a threesome with … Read More »

Uncle Pussy

You usually get mail about sex, being a “sex advice columnist” and all, but I have a parenting problem. Given that you are a fellow parent, I’m hoping you have some insight. My brother is a conservative; I’m a politically engaged liberal. I can’t change him, but I’m disturbed because his son, who we’ll call … Read More »

Gentlemen First

After six months of marriage—I’m a straight male—the sex had become routine. To remedy this, my wife and I discussed new things we might like to try. We were both being shy, so I said the first thing that came to mind: “Anal?” My wife got quiet and the conversation ended. A couple weeks later, … Read More »

So I Married a Fag Hag

I have a cousin with whom I am very close. He recently proposed to his girlfriend. I have several issues with this, but the most important one is the fact that EVERYONE who meets this young man thinks he’s gay. (I don’t know how the girlfriend hasn’t seen it.) When I told my friends he … Read More »

Hot Doms & Cold Moms

I’m a male sub looking for porn videos catering to a femme dom audience. I’m not talking about porn directed by men for submissive men, but porn targeting the appetites of the dominatrix. I’m NOT looking for softcore bondage pictures of men, or any other gay porn. I am looking for hetero femme dom porn … Read More »

Fighting Ugly

I’m a 22-year-old female, and the older I get, the more often I am ridiculed by straight men for being ugly. Just last night, a man asked me if I was jealous of my pretty friends and if I wished I could look like them. I know I’m unattractive, but I’ve met wonderful girls who … Read More »

Open Your Mouth

I am a 23-year-old woman living with my 25-year-old boyfriend. We have been dating for a little over a year, and for the majority of that time we had a great sex life. Unfortunately, when we decided to move in together we also decided to stop having intercourse until we decide to get married. We … Read More »

Label Me

I am a heterosexual male in my 20s, and I need some help putting a label on my kink/fetish. I usually don’t care much for labels in any aspect of life, but I’m hoping that knowing what to call this may help me find others who share the same interest: I love it when a … Read More »

Canned Hams

My boyfriend and I both like porn and toys, and we’re obviously open about everything and often play with them together. But recently he posed an interesting question that left me feeling like a prudish conservative: If virtual-reality technology is developed such that one can have a sexual encounter with a computerized person (insert favorite … Read More »

Plead and Seed

I’m writing in celebration of the California decision to allow gays to marry. I’m thrilled—I’ve always thought that the idea that gay marriage could hurt straight people was ridiculous. But a year ago, I found out I was wrong. I’m a straight woman in her late 20s dating “the one,” by which I mean the … Read More »

License to Cheat

I’m a 33-year-old man, married eight years and mostly happy. My problem seems common: My wife has lost interest in sex. We have sex once every two months, maybe once a month if I’m lucky. When we do, it seems to be good for both of us. We used to have great chemistry and were … Read More »

Ground Rules

I’m a bisexual woman, age 20, and I am threesome-ing it with my best friend and her boyfriend during a stay abroad. I knew the girl (mostly straight) beforehand. She thinks it’s hot when I participate—i.e., when it’s three of us in bed—but she gets jealous when her boyfriend and I do anything without her. … Read More »

None of Your Business

I’m a 23-year-old guy and I have been dating my 21-year-old girlfriend for two years. After she graduated, she moved from the East Coast to the Midwest to be with me while I finish my degree. Everything was great until she moved in. She has a 9-to-5 job and pays her bills. After work, though, … Read More »

Something to Talk About

I’m a straight male and I love my fiancée. But while I am physically attracted to her, I find myself masturbating rather than having sex with her. She knows, but we don’t talk about it—we can’t—and recently she walked in on me, and it was very awkward. I put it away and she pretended she … Read More »


I’m writing on behalf of a 19-year-old guy with cerebral palsy. As you may know, CP is a brain affliction resulting from insufficient oxygen at birth, and it causes the part of the brain responsible for motor function to work incorrectly. Troubles for people with CP include muscle spasticity, weakness, and/or painful contraction, and in … Read More »

Modern Love

I’m a 31-year-old man and my girlfriend is 28. We’ve been in a monogamous relationship for four years. Recently we’ve been doing the long-distance thing, and we’re going to be doing it until I can move from Canada to the United States. This is our problem: She brought up the idea of an open relationship … Read More »


I’m 16 and gay. I recently got into an argument with my parents over whether HIV is spread by saliva or if you can be infected during oral sex. I thought that you were safe kissing and that it’s okay to have oral sex, but that you need to use condoms for anal sex. My … Read More »

One Man, Fun Woman

I’m a 52-year-old male, divorced. About six weeks ago, a new female worker started in our office. We’re really hitting it off and, frankly, I’ve fallen for her—hard! However, she is 36, never married, and I have not asked her out yet, but I definitely want to. In fact, I want to marry her. There … Read More »

Back in the Saddle

I am a young, straight male—but I have this obsession with male-on-male dino-dragon porn. I don’t get it. I’M SUPPOSED TO BE STRAIGHT! Am I psychotic or what? Dino Really Are Gonna Overtake Now You’re not psychotic, DRAGON, just pathetic. I don’t mean pathetic in the “laughable or contemptible” sense of the word, DRAGON, I … Read More »

Advice from Mom

Hey, everybody: If you missed last week’s column, I’m taking a week off because, well, go read last week’s column if you care to know. Here’s an old column—from May 24, 1995—to tide you over until my return next week. It not only features my mother, but also my boyfriend’s very first mention in the … Read More »

Lez Be Friends

I am a 28-year-old straight girl two years into my first marriage. New job, new home, and new city 1,200 miles from my closest friends. It was really lonely at first, not knowing anyone nearby. Plus, Hubby is far less social than I am, and has not gone out of his way to help us … Read More »

At a Loss

I thought I could bang out a column today — a regular column, a column about my readers’ problems and their freaky fetishes and all those asshole politicians out there. You know, the usual. The day my son was born, I managed to slip out of the maternity ward and write a column; I wrote … Read More »

Swimming in Pussy

When I was in my teens to mid-20s, I fought a burgeoning weight problem. My heaviest was 235 pounds on a 5-foot-10 frame. Now I watch what I eat and I work out. I have a six-pack. And here’s my problem: I get too much attention from women. When I was out of shape, women … Read More »


My wife beat breast cancer five years ago. Brave, lovely, and lucky woman. But after the procedures, she said she was proud of her post-op look and the zigzag scar across her chest. No new boobs for her. Moi? I don’t like going to bed with Peter Pan. We talked about this and she wants … Read More »

How to Cope in the Closet

I’m in my final year of high school and I decided to come out as a lesbian—a very foolish move as I live in a small town that’s not exactly brimming with tolerant people. But I know there are other closeted people at my school and I figured if none of us ever take the … Read More »

Open It, Already

Open marriages—do they ever work? After 16 years and one kid, my husband and I are considering an open marriage. Over a year ago, I met another man who I was attracted to and wanted to fuck. I had met men like this throughout our marriage, but never did anything because I was married and … Read More »

She’s a Very Kinky Girl

At first glance, I am the guy your mother wants you to marry. Successful, sweet, clean shaven. Below the surface, I am the guy your mother warned you about: pierced tongue, tattoos, a ton of kinks. A couple of months ago, I met a woman who wanted to be a sex slave. We talked about … Read More »

All Men Do It

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 30. He’s been married three times and has six children from a variety of women. I know, I know, it sounds bad. But he’s one of those guys who wanted a family. Anyway, long story short, I feel insecure because he has had a MILLION experiences … Read More »

Three-Dimensional Devices

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months and we’re crazy about each other. He’s been slowly introducing me to butt play. Last night, we were verbally playing out an anal scenario. He asked if I’d be okay using a strap-on with him, to which I replied, “Of course!” Then he said that … Read More »

The Hole Fucking Truth

I hope you can help me. I am a 39-year-old divorced mother of four. I’m also a grandmother. I’ve started seeing a younger man, age 25, who is only a few years older than my oldest kid. We hit it off great and other than the sex, everything is beautiful. The problem is that my … Read More »

You Guys Are Animals

I’m a 25-year-old male. I’m a zoophile and always have been. I’m a longtime reader (I’m sure you’re thrilled), so I know my interests aren’t on your approved list of sexual activities. Not trying to argue that point. However, it’s clear what turns my head when I walk down the street and it’s never the … Read More »

Guest Expert

I’m a 20-year-old bi girl and I’ve been with my boyfriend a little over a year. We’ve talked about having an FFM threesome, but the first time we talked about it, we realized that we were not on the same page, and now every time I try to bring up the possibilities of a threesome, … Read More »

Paying For It

While visiting my family for the holidays, my 72-year-old father informed me that a 29-year-old Russian woman was coming to America to be with him. He could hardly contain his excitement. Dad didn’t want me to tell my brother and sister, because he knew they would be critical of him being with a 29-year-old Russian … Read More »


Please disregard my previous e-mail. As of the New Year, my girlfriend is no longer a virgin. No Longer Dating Virgin Girl Uh, gee. Sorry about that, NLDVG. I’m not sorry that your girlfriend is no longer a virgin, of course, as virginity is a scourge that I’ve dedicated my life to stamping out. I’m … Read More »

Merry Fucking Christmas

I’m 19, female, bi, and have been with the same guy for a year. Things are great. I came home for Christmas and he went to his parents’ house, and I’ll see him in a few weeks. For Christmas, my mom got me some typical “mom” gifts—socks and underwear—but the panties had Disney princesses on … Read More »