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Savage Love Archives for 2007

Risky Business

I’m a 28-year-old woman. In the past, I’ve been a control freak by day, sex freak by night—but just for one guy, my GGG boyfriend. Recently, I realized I’m a cuckold! Nothing gets me hotter than the thought of my boyfriend fucking somebody in front of me. The solution is to have threesomes. A bunch. … Read More »

Diaper Do-over

I’m a 21-year-old female and I know the my-boyfriend-has-a-diaper-fetish thing has been done to death. But… We’ve been together for two years. When he mustered up the courage to tell me about his fetish, I was supportive even though it did seem odd. To be completely honest, he’s so good looking and such a wonderful … Read More »

Beat This

My two roommates are in the same frat. Roommate A is a great guy, but maybe a bit too nice: Recently, his GF cheated on him and he forgave her. Her infidelity did not come as a surprise to the rest of us. When she’s drunk, she acts inappropriately. She gets touchy and says suggestive … Read More »

Big Love

Dan! I can’t believe you wrote that response to Hawt And Royally Depressed! He wrote because his wife of 10 years had “let herself go.” Men and women were hitting on him and he had to resort to stoning before he could be with her. You told this asshole to “be honest with her.” Your … Read More »

Positive Reinforcement

I’m a single gay male in my late 20s. I’ve met a guy I really like. We chat all the time and we’re attracted to each other. We haven’t yet been sexually active with each other, but we’re planning to get naked and sweaty (and break out the ropes and blindfolds) over Christmas break. Why … Read More »

Not What It Seems

I love my wife. We’ve been married 10 years. Young punk-rock love turned into adult debt-ridden love. She’s been there for me, helps me achieve my goals, all that. But she’s let herself go, while I’ve gotten myself into better shape. I pride myself on being a good husband. I’ve been 100 percent faithful, I … Read More »

Threeway of Love

You neglect generic boy/girl/girl threesomes. My friends talk about them all the time, ‘cuz they’re the “Holy Grail” of sex for us straight guys. Here are some of our questions: 1. What is up with threesomes? 2. How do I arrange a threesome? 3. How do I get my girl to agree to a threesome, … Read More »

Asshole Comes Easy

I came out after a number of years of “playing straight.” I had two relatively long-term monogamous gay relationships, then converted a friend into a boyfriend. We bought a house, got a dog, and live in the ‘burbs. Supposedly, life is good. I’m a fairly athletic guy, and I got started playing sports partly to … Read More »

No More Mr. Nice Guy

I am currently dating a guy who is nice, funny, has a good “dating résumé,” i.e. never married, good job, no issues. I have a good time when we are together. The problem is that we have the most ridiculously boring sex. Super vanilla, totally predictable, and I never come. There’s no foreplay, he rarely … Read More »

The Girly Boy

I think my 5-year-old nephew is probably gay. Most of the reasons are superficial (he says that Zac Efron is cute), but I also have a hunch. If he is gay, it’s cool by me. The problem is my brother also thinks his son might be gay and he is NOT cool with it. He’s … Read More »

Piss and Brain Damage

How much piss can one consume without getting sick? Sincerely Curious I usually float medical questions over to Dr. Barak Gaster, Savage Love’s long-suffering resident medical expert. But after braving a torrent of piss questions over the years, Dr. Gaster has developed something of a piss-question phobia. So, S C, I tossed your question to … Read More »

Shopping Spree

I’m a 21-year-old female, and I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for four years. He wants me to masturbate for him, but I don’t feel comfortable doing it. I love my boyfriend, but I cannot find a way to do this. I would like to do it. I just can’t bring myself to let … Read More »

Cheaters Cheat

More than a few times, you have implied that if one’s partner is unwilling to satisfy, the deprived person has a right to seek it elsewhere. My sex life with my wife, despite my best efforts, is infrequent and uninspired. I recently met a married woman who has had a nonexistent sex life for many … Read More »

“F” Is for Fake

Who the hell wears swim caps anymore? That question in your column last week from the swim-cap fetishist getting off on his visits to public pools was bullshit. Sexy St. Louis Girl Lots of pools require swimmers with long hair to wear caps, SSLG—but, hey, no need to take my word for it. Google “swim … Read More »

Pop a Cap

I have a swim-cap fetish. I don’t know why; it’s not like I saw my grandmother bathing with a shower cap on or anything like that. My GGG girlfriend is willing to wear a swim cap during sex, and I think that’s wonderful, but it goes beyond that. I go to the pool several times … Read More »

Grant Me Wisdom

A close friend of ours is a gay male in his 40s. About seven years ago, our friend met and briefly dated a not-too-bright, conniving guy about 10 years younger. Our friend threw himself into this relationship with his new “trophy husband” and did everything he could for his new boyfriend. He financed his apartment, … Read More »

Straight at Last

My friends and I were debating a troubling incident over drinks and figured you would be the best person to ask: What should you do when you’re at a party, and while looking for a toilet, you accidentally walk into the bedroom of someone you know, but don’t know well, and discover a boy half … Read More »

One of the Boys

I’m a high-school girl with big problems. All my life I’ve worn boy clothes and had male friends, mainly because I’m into things like video games and geek stuff. As high school approached, Mother Nature flipped me off with DD breasts. I don’t even identify as female. I’ve come to terms with the fact that … Read More »

Big Gay Boot Camp

Hear me out. You’ve pushed the idea that everyone must be GGG, or “good, giving, and game,” and that people in relationships must be sluts for each other, and that women must perform oral sex. I agree that sexual satisfaction for both parties is important. I think that is what you are trying to express. … Read More »

HUMP! Is Coming!

I am a single guy… never good with women… not many girlfriends… I didn’t have sex till I was 31… but all my life I’ve had this strange fetish… I love to be shampooed with lots of lather and suds, suds in my eyes, nose, and mouth. I have been trying to find a female … Read More »

Peg, Pegging, Pegged

I am a 25-year-old bi female with a bi male partner. My boyfriend likes stuff up his butt—really likes it. I am continually shocked by his ability and willingness to take on new challenges in this department. After a few months of playing with plugs and vibrators, I asked him if he would be up … Read More »

The Sex Is Awesome

I’m an 18-year-old guy with an awesome kinky girlfriend. She likes getting tied up, blindfolded, spanked, and just about anything else we can think of. It’s awesome. My question is this: We were watching some BDSM porn and they used these awesome contact lenses that worked as blindfolds because they were completely opaque. I’ve searched … Read More »

Have You Ever Heard of. . .?

I’m a 31-year-old attractive single woman, and I recently went on Match.com and found a guy. Our e-mails and one phone conversation went well and he seemed kind and was okay-looking in his picture, so I met him for drinks. It was disappointing, to say the least. He looked 15 years older than his picture … Read More »

Play with Her Clit

I’m 18 years old and my girlfriend and I have been engaging in sexual acts. She has no problem coming, but when it comes to sexual intercourse she can’t orgasm. Is my penis not doing the job correctly? She says she feels good, but can’t climax. Could there be something wrong with her? I don’t … Read More »

Wee Weenies

I’m pro-sex, bisexual, and GGG. I’m also a mother. I have a 14-year-old son, and when I type a website address into our home computer, a million porn sites pop up. I’ve had lots of lovers, watched my share of porn, I masturbate, blah blah blah. But something about my baby looking at Asian sluts … Read More »

Big Time

I’m a 29-year-old married man. My wife and I are both active people (rock climbing, cycling, and kayaking) and our sex life is good. However, since high school I’ve been turned on by thick, big-butt, big-tit, ugly, trashy girls. In my 20s, I would secretly go to bars in the suburbs to pick up these … Read More »

The Hole Truth

I have two vaginas. I’d had a number of routine pelvic exams with my old doctor, but she never discovered it. My new gyno, however, discovered my “atypical anatomy” right away last week. The anatomical specifics are irrelevant to my question—everything is fully functioning, sex isn’t painful, and everything externally looks completely normal. I’m a … Read More »

Welcome Out, Tyler!

I’m a 47-year-old man and my wife is 49. We got married four years ago. Two days ago, she came back from the doctor and told me she has genital herpes. She said she must have contracted it years ago and never had an outbreak until 10 days ago. She has been to the doctor … Read More »


I am a 24-year-old male somnophiliac—that is, I’m turned on by the idea of having sex with a woman while she sleeps. So long as we have a healthy awake sex life, my wife says I can do whatever I like when she sleeps. The problem is that when I try to touch her in … Read More »

Possible Side Effects

I’ve got a confusing issue with my girlfriend. Our relationship was going great until I caught her having an emotional affair via MySpace. She swore to never hurt me again. Well, I recently found out that she posted an ad looking for NSA sex. She responded to several people who contacted her. When confronted, she … Read More »

Have a Cow

This formerly frustrated wife is acting on the stuff I fantasized about while I was with my straitlaced husband. I’ve done the sex-friends thing and the sex-in-a-hotel-with-a-stranger-during-a-business-trip thing, but I have yet to do the one thing I’m most interested in: a threesome with two men. I have ads up on two websites—Lavalife and seekingarrangement.com—and … Read More »

Ordinary People

I’m an early-20s gay guy turned on by hypnosis. During my adolescent explorations of the internet, I found a site with stories about “mind control,” usually involving the seduction of straight men. I was hooked. I’m not beating myself up for being a “bad person,” because my desire to try this in real life is … Read More »

Cancer Sucks

I’m having a problem. Twice when my girlfriend has given me oral sex, I’ve come in her mouth and then a little urine has come out. She’s understandably mad. The first time it happened was in the morning, so I thought it was just me being full of piss, but the second time I just … Read More »

Panty Thieves

I was recently seeing an alpha-male type—Ivy League grad, big executive, loud laugh, etc. He found me on a website, one thing led to another, and he was showing me pictures of him in his ex-girlfriend’s panties! We went out for the first of many coffee dates and it ended with me putting my hand … Read More »


I’m a 42-year-old straight guy, married 15 years, no kids. I love my wife, and I have remained faithful. Recently, I opened a Second Life (SL) account, and created an avatar/alter ego for myself. I created an SL account with a female avatar because, although I’m straight and comfortable with my gender and sexuality, I’ve … Read More »

Slow ‘Mos

My wife of 5 years, mate of 11, and mother of our two kids has dropped a bomb on me. About eight years ago, shortly after our first child, she had a couple of experiences with another woman. Being young and ignorant, I thought it was cool—until I found a letter that she wrote telling … Read More »


I am a 26-year-old straight male interested in ballbusting. At a party, I met a lesbian who goes by “Buck.” She’s 20, dresses like a boy, and made it clear that she hates males and their anatomy. Before agreeing to play a friendly game of Truth or Dare, she specified that she would not “do … Read More »

Painful Conclusion

My roommate is into BDSM. Fine. I couldn’t care less about his sex life. Some women enjoy being subjected to what he calls “erotic torments.” Fine. But he watches BDSM porn. Since he has no way of knowing if the women in the BDSM porn enjoy the “erotic torments” they’re subjected to, I don’t think … Read More »

Blackout Sex

I’m a 22-year-old male from Canada and in a long-term relationship. The sex is fantastic, we’ve always been GGG, and our bedroom habits include talking dirty and light bondage, which she loves. However, my girlfriend sometimes complains that I “degrade” her in the bedroom and she thinks that this is representative of a larger lack … Read More »

Oral Report

I am a recently married 30-year-old straight guy. My wife is great, and in fact, I have a baby on the way. My relationship with my wife is a good one. We married for all the right reasons after a long “courtship.” My problem lies with my addiction, if you will, to receiving head from … Read More »

She’s Gotta Have It

I was shocked to read your response to Not Giving Up last week. Dan, how could you? For years, you have been our go-to guy for uncommon sexual knowledge. So it made me want to cry when I read your column about Joan Sewell’s book I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido. … Read More »

Chocolate City

What to do about differing libidos? We’re a straight couple together 20 years. No weight gain, no radical changes in appearance. We are loving, and I am cognizant of her needs and feelings. Yesterday, I read an interview with Joan Sewell, author of I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido, and handed … Read More »

Pic’d Off

I have a laptop at home. On occasion my best friend/roommate uses it to check her e-mail. On rare occasions her boyfriend uses it to check his e-mail—or so I thought. I have some naughty pics on my computer. They’re not on my desktop, so you can’t accidentally open one. I never felt a need … Read More »

Wrong & Right

Serious question: I have always had a thing for Anna Nicole Smith and frequently masturbated to her Playboy photos. I’ve always felt some guilt about masturbation to begin with, but since her death, I now feel a little creepy doing it. Do you think it’s okay to continue now that she has passed away? Missing … Read More »

Sappy Endings II

Too many people believe that a vanilla type and a kinkster can never live happily ever after. Others are convinced that anonymous internet hookups always end in tears and positive HPV test results. Where do people get these false impressions? Reading columns like mine. Contented couples—twosomes who have successfully incorporated one partner’s kinks, internet hookups … Read More »

Sappy Endings

Hey, everybody: By now you’ve no doubt heard the news that America’s favorite crystal-meth-snorting, male-escort-blowing evangelical Christian pastor is cured! While 99.9 percent of wannabe ex-gays struggle to overcome their homosexuality for decades, Ted Haggard was pronounced “completely heterosexual” after just 21 days of counseling! Don’t you just love a happy ending? I’d love to … Read More »

Diaper Pals

I’ve been married to my husband for two years and have been with him for four. I’m a little dominant, but nothing too out there. My husband, on the other hand, is a diaper-loving, transvestite adult baby. I’ve done everything I can to make him realize that while I’m not into his kink, I’m not … Read More »

Ruff Butt

When I was a promiscuous young man (read: straight college boy), I had lots of casual sex. I particularly loved anal sex. And I very particularly loved rough, unlubricated anal sex with women who enjoyed same. I swore thatI would never be with a woman who didn’t love anal. But I am now dating a … Read More »

Pay for Play

I regard this column, gentle readers, as a sacred calling. I would never do anything that would cause you to question my judgment. Sound judgment, after all, is the professional advice columnist’s most precious commodity. Nevertheless, I have stupidly auctioned off the right to give advice in this space. Once a year, some do-gooder gets … Read More »

Big & Juicy

I recently met the straight cousin of a good friend. On the night of our first meeting, I ended up rimming, blowing, and getting fucked by him. And he blew me—badly. Since then, I’ve given him another blowjob. That night he slept with his arms around me and he repeatedly muttered to me—drunkenly—that he loves … Read More »


I have some concerns about my cuckold fetish that you did not address in a recent column. Aspects of my particular fantasy are prevalent among people with this type of fetish, and they cause me guilt and shame. I am white and my fantasies involve my future wife having sex with well-endowed black men. This … Read More »

Happy Endings

To make a long and stupid story short, I met a guy on Craigslist who said all the right things. We had plans to meet a few times (once I bought a train ticket to visit him; another time I prepared an expensive meal), but he always canceled at the last minute. He had an … Read More »