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The weekly sex advice column that started it all

“Savage Love” is America’s longest running sex advice column. A new column is posted every Tuesday. Become a Magnum Sub for access to the full column and the Response Roundup posted every Friday!

Savage Love Archives for 2011

The Sub’s Paradox

I am a 25-year-old gay man. Although I have always accepted my homosexuality and never really felt bad about it, recently I have been going through a hard time psychologically because I’m exposing myself to very graphic homophobic online content. There are blogs, online groups, and websites that cater to gay men who like to … Read More »

Good Friends

My sexy GGG husband and I fuck a “good friend” semiregularly. He’s hot, young, and game to fuck about every other week. We started out wearing condoms, but we’ve had the safe-sex conversation and our good friend isn’t banging anyone else, so we’ve moved to condom-free sex. A month ago, we had a hot threesome. … Read More »

Spanked

I’m a man who recently started seeing a wonderful woman. Like me, she’s divorced. While my ex-wife left me for another man, my girlfriend’s ex-husband was controlling and abusive. Our relationship is the opposite—emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. Here’s the thing: His abusive behavior is my kink—spanking. In all my past relationships, spanking was light, playful, … Read More »

The 23-Year Itch

I’m a happily married woman. I have a great sex life with my husband of many years. He’s helped me discover things I didn’t know about myself sexually. The problem: Three years ago, my first love contacted me after 23 years. He was married at the time, although he didn’t want to be, and told … Read More »

Busted

I’m a 21-year-old woman from Canada who sleeps with other women. Two questions for you: 1. My LGBT friends and I disagree about what we girls who sleep with girls exclusively should call ourselves. Everyone else prefers “lesbian” and bitches at me for hating that word. Can’t I call myself gay? 2. I am a … Read More »

Ciscontent

I’m 26, straight, and male. I consider myself a socially progressive person, have been a vocal supporter of LGBT issues since high school, and was president of my college Gay-Straight Alliance. Here’s my issue: I fully support the trans community. I have numerous friends in varying states of transition and I’m 100 percent behind them. … Read More »

@fakedansavage

I’m 21 years old and in a monogamous relationship. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend, and it was a really great experience. I was drawn to BDSM even before I began having sex, and he’s been happily fulfilling my needs. However, he revealed fairly early on that he also enjoys being submissive during sex. … Read More »

Sexually Combatible

I’m an evangelical Christian in a country where that is not a political statement. My husband and I have been married five years. We have great sex several times a week despite having two kids under age 2. We get along so well that even a couple of my atheist friends have admitted they want … Read More »

Wedding Party

I am marrying a man with two children—a boy and a girl—and we want to include his children in our wedding party. My best friend and maid of honor happens to work as an escort. You and I agree that prostitution should be legal and that sex work shouldn’t be stigmatized, Dan, but the ex-wife … Read More »

Pathological

My boyfriend and I are in college and doing the long-distance thing until June 2013. Over the years, he’s granted me increasing amounts of freedom to be intimate with women—I’m female, and date women while we’re apart—but I still don’t have full autonomy. It’s much better than it used to be, but lately another one … Read More »

Pathological

I broke up with a girl who wasn’t hot enough for me. I tried my whole life to not be that kind of guy. I treated her carelessly because she wasn’t that important to me. I was self-indulgent and rude and disrespectful, and it made her cry. She’s perfectly attractive, but not in an obvious … Read More »

Pumped-Up Junk

I’m a college freshman. I thought that college would be the place to come out, but the sad fact is that college hasn’t changed anything. I’m still unable to admit my sexuality to my friends, teammates, classmates, and hallmates. I have thought about joining the LGBT organizations, but those guys are too “out” for me. … Read More »

Messed-Up Junk

I am an 18-year-old straight male. I have a hodgepodge of birth defects that affect my genitalia: severe hypospadias (my urethra—my piss slit—is at the base of my penis), micropenis (less than two inches), and anorchia (I was born without testes). I have never been naked around anyone else. I don’t really like being naked … Read More »

Broken

I am a 23-year-old female, sexually active for seven years, and I can’t reach climax. I am extremely frustrated. I have a wonderfully patient and helpful partner. He has tried hard to no avail. I can’t even get myself there. I feel like I am broken. My partner and I talk out anything that is … Read More »

Daddy Issues

I am a 22-year-old college grad who has been living at home for the last year. My parents are divorced, so I’ve gone back and forth from one place to the other. The other day, I was using my father’s computer, and the history came up on the search engine. It turns out that while … Read More »

Earlabia

I am a 16-year-old female. I have been in a monogamous relationship with a boy for seven months. My first, his too. A couple of months in, we began to explore masturbating each other and oral sex. He has gone down on me three times, but I have never given him a blowjob. I’m scared … Read More »

Pretty Little Hippie

Dear readers: I’m on vacation. The questions and answers in this week’s column are three recent installments of the “Savage Love Letter of the Day,” which folks with the SLAPP—the Savage Love app for iPhone or Android—receive daily via the miracle of modern technology. If you have the SLAPP, you’ve already read these questions and … Read More »

Cheating Pieces

I’m in a bad place. I have been in a monogamous marriage for 19 years and have two kids. At least I think we’re still monogamous. My husband is an avid reader of your column and loves to bring up the idea that it is perfectly normal to have outside sexual relationships with other people … Read More »

Sweat Ickquity

I’m unemployed in Oregon and trying to come up with simple ways to make rent. My dear wife and I would like your opinion on the legality of selling my teenage son’s sweaty gym clothes online. It sounds rather skeezy, I realize, and I’m only half-joking here. If we had a nonsexual website with pictures … Read More »

www.humpseattle.com

I went to Craigslist to look at the kinky shit people are into. And I found a picture of my sister. Her eyes are blurred out, but one pic is of her nude and one is of her giving head, and there’s a tattoo that’s unique to her and clearly visible. I’m 99 percent sure … Read More »

Big Reveal

I’m a 23-year-old male who has never been in a relationship. I have had many crushes but never the courage to go ask anyone out. I dread rejection. Compounding this problem: I might be bisexual. I’m afraid to reveal this to anyone. Some girls might be okay with it at first, but they are likely … Read More »

Had to Get Away

Hey, everybody: two things… First: Last week, the GOP officially “denounced” me. The nation is at peace, Americans are going back to work, and the climate situation is completely under control—so, hey, why not go after the gay dude who writes that smutty sex column and gives Rick Santorum fits? Second: Last week, a Savage … Read More »

Oh, Brother

When I was 14, my parents informed me that I had a half brother. He was my father’s son by another woman. My parents were already married when my brother was born, but I hadn’t come along yet. It was a huge scandal when it happened. My half brother came to live with us after … Read More »

Monogamish

You probably get this question every day. I’m a man who loves it when my girlfriend fucks me with a strap-on. Another great thing: My girlfriend ejaculates frequently and plentifully when we have sex, and she has done so when she’s pegging me. Which leads to my question: What are the possible issues from getting … Read More »

Daddy Issues

I’m a 20-year-old straight male, but this isn’t really about me. I was recently back home for a family event while my younger brother, age 14, was away on a mission trip with his church. My iPad died while I was home and my mother told me to look in the kitchen drawers for a … Read More »

Booked!

Three months ago, I met a woman who I’m really into physically, emotionally, and mentally. She’s someone I could see myself with. Problem is, when we started having sex, she insisted on a condom for birth control. I haven’t worn one in probably eight or nine years. (I’m 33 now.) I would be hard, then … Read More »

Pros and Flows

In response to a wannabe fister who hadn’t told his girlfriend about his kink, you wrote, “At three years, all your kink cards should be lying faceup on the table.” Really? Then my husband and I screwed up. We’ve been married for 19 years, and he told me only five years ago that he wanted … Read More »

spreadingsantorum.com

I’m a single 24-year-old gay actor/singer/comedian who’s going to be a doctor in a few years—I have varied interests—and I think being in a porn flick would be really hot. I don’t know what the ramifications of ramming on cam could be with regard to my future career. The field I want to go into … Read More »

Quick & Dirty

I’m a straight man married to a bisexual lady, which is something I would recommend to all other straight men in the world. We’re in our late 20s, have been together for eight years, married four. (I know: too young and too soon, but we’ll see how it turns out.) My wife has a much … Read More »

Trans, Man

I’m a 22-year-old FTM. I will become a legal male this summer. WOOT. Useless hole but still no pole. My friends—all straight—don’t know because I don’t feel it matters. I don’t know any other FTMs, and I really don’t care to. However, I like men. I have never had a boyfriend. I go to gay … Read More »

Nonstarter

My husband and I recently realized that in order for us to remain happily married, we need to fuck other people. Enter the boyfriend. This 20-year-old hunk has opened the floodgates. He’s gorgeous and athletic and enthusiastic, gets me off every time, and tales of our exploits have made things even hotter between my husband … Read More »

The Choicer Challenge

I am a bi woman happily married to a straight man, and we both “participate” in hot sexy times with other women during threesomes. It’s hard to find hot 30ish bi girls where we live, but the encounters we’ve had were for the most part excellent. Everything was great until three weeks ago, when we … Read More »

www.ppin.org

I suppose you are going to call me an asshole once you have finished reading my letter, but I hope you have some advice for me regardless. I am a 45-year-old heterosexual male. My last relationship lasted nearly seven years. I am currently single. I am discouraged. One of the reasons for my discouragement: I … Read More »

It Got Better

My life is not horrible. I’m an American college student. Compared to most people in the world, I’m pretty well-off. I go to college in Bellingham, Washington—the weed is awesome, the weather is great, and there are lots of hot guys. Score! But! I’m a homo. And I didn’t know how horrible my life was … Read More »

The Ex Files

I was hanging out with a guy who is in a relationship. I told him nothing could happen, and we decided to keep things friendly. A while ago, I made the drunken mistake of climbing into the backseat of a car with him (elegant, I know). Things got racy pretty quickly, mostly a bunch of … Read More »

Small Government

I’m a young heteroflexible guy who has been a “sugar baby” for a handful of wealthy older guys. I love it! I get money, I have fun being with them, and the guys seem to like having me around. The problem is that I just got with a new guy who is really great except … Read More »

Shit Storm

My wife and I have been married for a few years and are expecting our first child. I’m really into the idea of being sprayed with my wife’s breast milk. The other night, she was fretting about when her boobs are going to start leaking. This seemed like a good time to bring it up, … Read More »

I Want My MTV

My wife and I click on just about every level—parenting, money, religion, politics, etc.—except for sex. After our last child was born, my advances were increasingly rejected. In an attempt to avoid pressuring her, I stopped initiating. One week passed, nothing. A month passed, nothing. A YEAR passed, nothing. Depression and anger set in. But … Read More »

Trans Panic

I came out as trans-something/genderqueer three years ago. I was born male but live my life predominantly as female. I’m 25 now. Coming out involved accepting that it would complicate my ever finding someone. I haven’t dated since. My problem: Today, a guy my age asked me out while making me a sandwich in a … Read More »

Thank You

DEAR READERS: Folks who have the Savage Love app get the Savage Love Letter of the Day (SLLOTD) delivered to their iPhones or Androids. This week, I’m running three recent SLLOTDs to give my print-only readers a taste of what they’re missing. I’m also giving myself a bit of a break: I’m currently dashing around … Read More »

The Armed Forces

Three months ago, my sociopathic girlfriend dumped me because I was going into the military. Afterward, I found out she was cheating on me with a married man. The one great thing about her was that she opened me up. At 22, I’d been in only a few other relationships. The sex with her was … Read More »

Three-wayward

I am a 36-year-old straight man, blissfully married to my 34-year-old soul mate. We have explored and enjoyed each other for a decade now, and we recently started exploring BDSM and D/s fantasies. Everything was going great sexually—until last night. Two years ago, my wife expressed an interest in an MMF three-way, where I was … Read More »

Total Recall

Long story short: I cheated on my boyfriend three years ago. I admitted it nine months ago, and we’ve been in couples counseling for six months. My BF is very responsive in therapy, where we’re working on his control issues, and he says everything the therapist expects him to during a session. Twenty-four hours later, … Read More »

All About the Benjamins

I’m a 41-year-old, very attractive, happily married woman. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. When we first met, the sex was absolutely incredible. After we got married, the sex was good, not great. This was because we were busy raising our children. (My husband had custody of 4-year-old twins, children from … Read More »

Still Spreading

I am 50 and a lesbian. I have had a pretty active sex life for the last 30 years. For the last three years, I’ve been with a woman I love very much. We have amazing sexual chemistry—by far the best I have experienced. For the last two years, I have noticed that my clitoris … Read More »

Safety Valve

I am a straight man. From high school through college and after, I loved me some women. Then I met my present girl 10 years ago. I fell head over heels for her. I still love her. But, little by little, she has become boring to me. Our sex life has cooled. Days run together … Read More »

She Will Not Be Ignored

I’ve written before, but I didn’t hear back from you—probably because my e-mail didn’t contain flogging or santorum or whatever. But I won’t be IGNORED, Dan. I’m a 32-year-old female. Second marriage, two kids: one kid with my ex and one with the man I cheated on my ex with (my current husband). My problem: … Read More »

Raw Dog

I read your column every week, mostly out of abstract interest. My thoughts reading your advice are usually some variation on “Wow, that’s a lot of work to do, just to have a sex life.” So reading you, I came to the conclusion that I was asexual. I liked this conclusion, as it was a … Read More »

That Said

I’m from the other side of the country, but I’m sitting in my lover’s San Francisco apartment wondering what I’m doing. I flew out here to spend five glorious days with her. We connect sexually (she’s a Dom stone-butch top, I’m a queer femme sub), we connect intellectually, and we make each other laugh. I’m … Read More »

Symptomatic

I am a 23-year-old straight female. A year ago, I moved across the country after college to live with my boyfriend of four years. He is in graduate school and is the only person I really know here, so I have been hanging out with him and his friends. I’ve developed a huge crush on … Read More »

The Crying Game

Any time I have relationship questions, I always ask my inner Dan Savage, and he never leads me astray! My boyfriend and I have had a wonderful relationship for six years. We have had “girlfriends” in the past who were involved with both of us simultaneously. He recently met a girl and they instantly clicked. … Read More »

No Choke

I’m a 27-year-old divorced woman. I married the first man I ever had sex with, and we had a very vanilla sex life. He refused to try any play with dominant/submissive roles. My fantasies have always involved my submission. My current boyfriend is very open and experienced. With him, I’ve tried being held down during … Read More »