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The weekly sex advice column that started it all

“Savage Love” is America’s longest running sex advice column. A new column is posted every Tuesday. Become a Magnum Sub for access to the full column and the Response Roundup posted every Friday!

Savage Love Archives for 2012

An After-Christmas Miracle

I just started an intense relationship with a guy who has a boyfriend. This guy and I love each other. However, he is uncomfortable with me meeting his boyfriend. I’ve asked if it’s okay that we’re fucking, and he said they’re in an open relationship so it’s okay. I asked if it’s okay that we’re … Read More »

Help!

This is a touchy and gross subject. I am a 17-year-old girl growing up in an adoptive family in Australia. I was sexually abused by my birth family, and I think it really fucked up my sexuality. The only thing that gets me off is the idea of people absolutely destroying their lives for an … Read More »

As One Is Wont to Do

At a dinner party, a straight man put a question to my boyfriend and me. He assumed that we, being gay men, would have an answer for him. We did not, Dan, and so we turn to you. What happens to one if one has to fart while one is wearing a butt plug? Gays … Read More »

Poly Orientated

Sometimes I kick the proverbial hornet’s nest intentionally—”bullshit in the Bible,” for instance—and sometimes I kick the hornet’s nest accidentally. I honestly didn’t expect the outraged response I got after I wrote that poly wasn’t a sexual identity in the “sexual orientation” sense of the term. Some people identify as poly, of course, just as … Read More »

Gone Solo

I’m a straight man at that age where the general public still considers me young. Although I’ve attended many weddings, I have no interest in marrying or even being in a relationship. I’m not asexual. I’ve had and enjoyed sex. I just don’t feel the need to be with anyone. As long as I’ve got … Read More »

Busted

I am a 22-year-old straight female. I used to babysit for a wealthy family, but their children have outgrown babysitters. The dad of this family is very into martial arts/fighting and has invited me over several times for “self-defense training.” I have accepted his invitations a few times, and it has always started off as … Read More »

Thank a Breeder Day

Reading you over the years has absolutely changed my mind on gay marriage. I wanted to let you know that. I also live in Maryland, and, as you know, we voted last week to allow same-sex couples to legally marry. I was excited that I got to vote for marriage equality in my home state, … Read More »

This Is Your Advice Columnist On Drugs

DEAR READERS: I’m writing this week’s column in a drug-induced coma. Well, not quite a coma, but close. I was fighting a cold for two weeks, and the cold won: It morphed into an insanely painful sinus infection—you know it’s bad when your doctor urges you to err on the side of too much Vicodin, … Read More »

Big Balls

So I was innocently browsing the personal ads on Craigslist and saw one from a dude who was looking to try “saline balls” for the first time. Having no idea what this was, I googled it. Even worse, I google-imaged it. I pride myself on being unshockable, but I was completely and utterly mortified at … Read More »

Porno Convo

What the hell do I say to my straight 14-year-old son about porn? Should I say anything? My sister tells me that all the research shows my son has been looking at porn for three years already. Am I too late? Distressed Anxious Dad According to the Today show and the Boston Globe and the … Read More »

Pro-Lie?

I’m pro-choice. The anti-choice position-particularly the contention that “personhood” begins when sperm hits egg-is illogical and unappealing. It’s not the most unappealing quality I can think of in a partner, though-that would be dishonesty. Your advice last week to the woman who discovered that her boyfriend is anti-choice was terrible. You advised LIFE to tell … Read More »

Choice & Kink

I recently discovered that my boyfriend of seven months and I have opposing viewpoints on the whole “life begins at conception” issue. He’s not a crazy zealot, but he is strongly against abortion. And while he won’t go so far as to say abortion should be banned, he does believe in the whole “personhood” concept, … Read More »

Radford U!

Last week, I appeared at a “Savage Love Live” event at Radford University in Radford, Virginia. Questions are submitted on index cards at SLL events, which allows questioners to remain anonymous and forces them to be succinct. The crowd at Radford was large and inquisitive. The students submitted more questions than I could possibly hope … Read More »

Folsom Street Fairness

I was wondering what you think about the Folsom Street Fair, the annual gay leather/fetish/BDSM street fair in San Francisco. Do you think it is still a socially relevant display? Or do you think that in this time when we are fighting for civil rights and equality that it does more harm than good? Better … Read More »

Loaded Questions

Healthy straight male here. The problem is twofold: My girlfriend doesn’t like come in her mouth and she feels that doggy-style is objectifying to women. Therefore, we don’t do either. She says she wants to get more comfortable and try these things. But they never seem to happen-and when I bring them up, it turns … Read More »

Relative Values

I want to buy my 14-year-old niece a dildo, some lube, and an age-appropriate book about sex. (Can you recommend one?) I have her mother’s permission, but I wanted to double- check on whether there are legal issues I should be concerned about. (I live in Oregon.) Do you think it would be inappropriate for … Read More »

Burned

I have been in a long-term relationship with a wonderful woman who doesn’t have a lot of people she socializes with in her daily life. She is a Burning Man person and converses online with other “burners.” I confronted her when I realized she was discussing the ups and downs of our relationship in a … Read More »

Sleepfuckers

My husband and I enjoy a solid, trusting BDSM relationship, and we’re both happy with our life together. There is one issue that concerns me. Roughly twice a month, in the middle of the night, my husband will “attack” me sexually in his sleep. I use the term “attack” lightly because the moment lasts for … Read More »

HUMP! Seattle!

I am a college-age gay male. Last year, I dated two guys. The first—let’s call him Mitt—I dated for five months. He broke up with me, and it hurt as much as breakups do, but I got over it. A few months later, I dated another guy—let’s call him Paul—for a month. I really liked … Read More »

Girl Power

I’ve been confused about my sexuality for two years. I am a 22-year-old female. I liked guys when I was in school, but then, in perhaps the most stereotypical of fashions, I developed a HUGE crush on Tegan and Sara when I was nearly 20. I like the idea of being with women, but I … Read More »

Your Part’s Content

DEAR READERS: I’m on vacation for the next two weeks. This week’s column features three recent Savage Love Letters of the Day. (The SLLOTD goes out to folks who have the Savage Love app for iPhone and Android.) I hope everyone is having a great summer, and I’ll see you in two weeks. -Dan I’m … Read More »

Sex Etiquette

I have a question regarding pornography usage and browser histories. As a matter of courtesy to my wife (and anyone else who may use our devices), I always clear the browser history on whatever device I may have used to view pornography. I have always assumed that she doesn’t want to see “Teen Anal Adventures” … Read More »

Showtime

I am a hetero female, but one of my biggest fantasies is for a guy to dress up in women’s underwear. Not full-blown drag, just a teddy, fishnets, and some heels. He doesn’t even have to act like a woman. I just want him to parade around a bit, and just for me. I’ve had … Read More »

Destructive Criticism

I am desperately in need of your help. After eight years of marriage, it turns out that the blowjobs I give are “good but not great” and are now getting “boring.” My husband is unable to tell me anything specific that he wants me to do, just that I should “be creative.” I’ve done everything … Read More »

Devoteeeeze

I’m a smart, professional woman in my mid-30s who dates the same. I also happen to use a wheelchair; I was diagnosed shortly after my first birthday with a motor neuron disease. I have about as much physical strength as a quadriplegic but I have full sensation. (Boy howdy, do I!) I am careful about … Read More »

Unintelligent Design

I’m a straight guy and I’m really into having my balls sucked—it’s one of my favorite things and just thinking about it turns me on. But whenever I’ve had my balls sucked, it hurts, and ball pain is not a kink of mine! It hurts enough to override any pleasure, and I have to tell … Read More »

Just Out

My younger brother and I are close. He came out of the closet last year, although it wasn’t much of a surprise because everyone knew he was gay since forever. Everyone is happy he’s out because it kind of takes the elephant out of the room, and our immediate and extended family are all really … Read More »

point5cctshirtcompany.com

Is it normal for my man to be so attracted to boobs that even though mine are beautiful and perfect, my boyfriend still wants to look at every other woman with a set of big boobs that he can? Aren’t mine enough? Boyfriend Ogles Other Breasts You sound like a new reader, BOOB, so before … Read More »

Dumped

I’m a 28-year-old guy who was broken up with via text by a girl I had been dating for two months. She is dealing with the loss of a family member and some other personal issues, and she sent me this message while out of state for a week or so. Two months is a … Read More »

Fake Fur

Confidential to Everyone: We are doing a special live taping of the Savage Lovecast at Seattle’s Neptune Theatre on June 13, and you’re invited! Savage Love Live! is a benefit for Washington United for Marriage, the organization fighting to protect marriage equality in Washington State. I’ll be taking sex questions, the tech-savvy at-risk youth will … Read More »

Virgin Escort

I’m a straight male from Southern California and I really want to be a straight male escort. The problem is the industry is shrouded with deceptive “agencies” that take advantage of the situation. Also, it’s not like there’s a Male Escort 101 course that I can take to learn how to avoid these traps. I … Read More »

Too Fast

I’m a 17-year-old girl and, in most aspects, I’m confident with myself, my identity, and my body. Earlier this year, I met a girl. She had some serious drama at home and needed to get out of her house, so I let her stay at mine. Things went a LOT further than I was ready … Read More »

Shady Ladies

I work in an office tower in downtown Seattle. From time to time, I go to a bathroom on a mostly deserted floor, go into a stall, and rub out a quick one. Usually, no one comes in. Today, just as I was blowing a load into a handful of TP, someone came into the … Read More »

Unscrew the Pooch

I am a 26-year-old straight guy. My straightness and guyness are recent revelations, and it feels amazing to be able to confidently state this. Here is my trouble: I’ve had gender issues for the past five years. My now ex-girlfriend of three years said she couldn’t be with me anymore due to these issues. Our … Read More »

Busted

I am a straight 29-year-old guy and I’ve been into ball busting—having my balls kicked and stomped—since I was 14. The fucked-up thing is, I only enjoy getting my balls busted by other guys. I’ve been hit in the balls by girls, and it doesn’t do anything for me. I thought I might be bisexual, … Read More »

Hooking Up

Is it possible for a hookup to turn into a relationship? Hoping One Person Enters A hookup is a relationship, HOPE. It may be a short-term relationship, but it’s a relationship regardless. And, yes, a short-term hookup can turn into a long-term relationship, HOPE, but not if you’re treating your hookups like shit (because they’re … Read More »

Ass Ed

I’m gay and a junior in high school, and I’ve had a boyfriend for a year. (He’s one year older than me, Dan, so relax!) We are out to our parents and everyone is supportive. We are not bullied or suicidal or using drugs. But we are frustrated! We had sex education in our schools, … Read More »

Premarital Counseling

My fiancé and I have been together for six years. We’re both 27. About a year ago, he admitted to me that he is bi—which I was surprised about. I told him that I was bi-curious. We have had talks about meeting with other couples. I am very insecure. I have been with very few … Read More »

Catnip

I have an awesome relationship with an awesome guy. He loves me and takes care of me. I’m GGG and he’s vanilla. I only draw the line at poop, animals, and children. But he’s never asked me for anything other than vanilla sex. Which is why I don’t know what to do. I went downstairs … Read More »

Boys, Boys, Boys

I am the father of a recently out 18-year-old gay boy. Here’s the problem: My son is in a relationship with a 31-year-old guy. I’m not okay with that. Yes, my son is a legal adult at 18 and can make his own decisions, but he’s also still in high school. His mother argues that … Read More »

Need to Know

I was recently advised to begin reading your column by my therapist. I am a 21-year-old male and a senior at an Ivy League school. Despite my academic success, I’ve battled a lot of stuff in the past few years: anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and porn addiction. It’s quite a load of shit to try … Read More »

Bleach Party

Thank you for your advocacy of monogamishy. (Monogamishness?) When I fell in love with my gloriously kinky and GGG wife several years ago, we were honest about our sexual desires—vast and wide-ranging—and we negotiated an arrangement that works for us. We encourage each other’s outside crushes, and we both just want to be present while … Read More »

Another Gold-Star Pedophile

I’m a gay man in my late 20s who has been trying to deal with an attraction to young boys since I hit puberty. I know that what I feel is wrong and wish to Christ that I could have a normally wired brain. I have never abused a child; I do not look at … Read More »

Threes

I had a threesome with my husband and another woman because I am GGG and that’s always been a fantasy of his. I laid out my ground rules, and they were violated. (I said I was uncomfortable with his P in her V, and I ended up watching them fuck.) I didn’t stop it at … Read More »

No Pressure

I am a straight 24-year-old female who has known my fiancé since freshman year of college. He has a fetish where he likes to watch women use the bathroom. I knew this, having seen some of his porn early on, and I accepted it. We all have kinks. But while peeing in front of someone … Read More »

University of Alaska Anchorage

I headed north last week to do Savage Love Live—a rapid-fire, slightly tipsy Q&A session—at the University of Alaska Anchorage. It was my third visit to UAA and it was a blast. All of the questions in this week’s column were submitted to me by UAA students and staffers. Should I go ahead and divorce … Read More »

Secrets and Lies

I’m a 21-year-old gay male. My friend “Marcelo” is friends with “Chad.” Everyone who meets Chad assumes he’s gay. Never had a girlfriend, a dance major, dyes his hair blond/green/purple, got up at 2 a.m. to watch Kate marry William—I could go on. Over four years at college, this situation has gone from funny to … Read More »

Secrets and Lies

My husband is a very kinky submissive man. When we were dating, I found out that he had been talking to multiple people online and that he had met up with a professional dom a couple of times. I felt betrayed that he had done this all behind my back, even though I had told … Read More »

Hopelessly Devoted

Have boyfriend. Several months. Love sex. First time we sixty-nine, I notice he has a little turtlehead sticking out. You get me? Second time, he has bits of toilet paper stuck in that area. CAN I ADDRESS THIS? And how do I do it without giving him a permanently flaccid penis? I love this man … Read More »

Out Now

My 13-year-old son came out to us this morning. He plans to tell his brothers in the next few days. We love and accept our son, and this news isn’t surprising (but when will the stereotypical neatness kick in?), but we do have some concerns. He has, apparently, already made the news public at school. … Read More »

Santorum Surges

I am writing to thank you. I remember reading your definition of “santorum”—”the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex”—when it first appeared. I remember thinking it was a cute way to make fun of a dickhead politician. I never thought it would go this far. But … Read More »

Meet the Monogamish

Why do most people assume that all nonmonogamous relationships are destined to fail? Because we only hear about the ones that do. If a three-way or an affair was a factor in a divorce or breakup, we hear all about it. But we rarely hear from happy couples who aren’t monogamous, because they don’t want … Read More »