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Savage Love Archives for 1999

Off My Chest

Making any special plans for New Year’s Eve? Prepared for Y2K? Laying in any provisions? Arming yourself? Worried about the world coming to an end? Ready for the Rapture? Lilly As of this writing I have no special plans for New Year’s Eve. I had been planning on blowing up Seattle’s Space Needle to ring … Read More »

Pride & Prejudice

You recently gave this advice to a gay man involved with a married bisexual man: “DON’T MESS AROUND WITH BISEXUALS.” You went on to say he shouldn’t mess around with married men, either. Staying away from people who are in committed relationships is sound advice. But condemning all bisexuals as poor relationship material is prejudiced, … Read More »

Long in the Labia

I am in the middle of changing my sex from male to female. I have a sweet girlfriend and she and I have fabulous sex! I told her I was a woman about four years ago, and began the transition two years ago. My girlfriend still loves me and overlooks the boobies and other feminizations. … Read More »

Cross Your Heart

I recently met an ambitious, attractive, charming, talented, and terrific young woman. One MAJOR problem, though: It turns out this close friend, whom I felt so strongly about, is a racist. Although she has never explicitly voiced her racism, it’s apparent in some subtle comments she’s made. Learning my friend harbored these feelings hurt me. … Read More »

Gay Ol’ Time

I’m gay and I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with my partner for nearly four years. Two years ago, I was experiencing a strong desire to open up the relationship, not for lack of attraction to my boyfriend (we still have good sex), but for the excitement of new sexual experiences. We talked about it … Read More »

Toe Ticklers and Hairy Broads

My husband has a foot fetish. He loves to hold me down and tickle my feet. He even goes so far as to tie me up and tickle my feet for 10 minutes at a time without stopping. No matter how much I beg him to stop, he continues. When I ask him what it … Read More »

Wasted Youth

I am an 18-year-old college student. It’s been said that college is the time in your life when you can get the most ass. My question: WHERE’S MINE?!?! I’m not some 300-pound Dungeons & Dragons-playing dork. I’m your average 6’2″, 135-pound recovering drug addict. There was an article about me in the school paper and … Read More »


Regarding young men who want to get with older women: I am a 50-year-old woman. Ever since dating a 23-year-old man when I was in my early 40s, I have found myself only attracted to much younger men. But I would never hit on a younger man, because men aren’t as accustomed to rebuffing unwanted … Read More »

Cross Talk

My boyfriend of one year is 27 and I am 45. He has revealed to me that he is a transvestite and has been “dressing,” as he calls it, for years. He has all the gear — wig, false breasts, waist-cincher, hip pads — and looks quite convincing in it. He assures me that he … Read More »

Kinky Korner

More than 60 years ago, in high school, my best friend was an athlete. I developed the habit of sniffing his sweaty gym clothing and/or his jock straps, which sexually aroused me. The practice was very shameful, and not once in the many years since have I done anything similar. As my life nears its … Read More »

Hot Grannies

I am a 38-year-old male who loves to have relationships and hot sex with women over 50 — way over 50. I had the best sex of my life with a 71-year-old widow several years ago, so the “older the better” is my motto! Are there any organizations or clubs I can join that would … Read More »

Cock Sure

I’m too broke to buy a copy of your book, but I’m DYING to know what you decided to do about your son’s circumcision! This is a big issue between my husband and myself. I’m all for circumcision — I don’t want to wash that thing! And what about infections? Teenage boys aren’t exactly hygienic, … Read More »

Urine Love

by Dan Savage I have been an avid reader of your column for about three years and I need you to answer a question. I don’t feel this is a question I can ask my doctor or anyone at work. I am a black man who enjoys drinking the piss of other black males. I … Read More »

I Shocked the Sheriff

I Shocked the Sheriff Before we get any further into this week’s Savage Love, I’d like to say this for the record: While the letter printed below was written on Garfield County Sheriff’s Department letterhead, so far as I’ve been able to ascertain this letter is a COMPLETE FABRICATION; it was NOT sent to me … Read More »

I, Monogamous

I am a 43-year-old female who has always identified as bisexual. I’ve enjoyed plenty of healthy, uninhibited sex in my time, as well as good relationships on both sides of the fence. I recently met a woman who is 110 percent wonderful, and she seems to feel the same about me. The problem? I am … Read More »

Cock & Bull

What’s your take on circumcision? My sister is about to have her first baby — a boy — and is leaning toward cutting. I think it’s genital mutilation, and I have yet to hear a medical argument that makes any sense. If someone wants to be circumcised, I say let him decide for himself when … Read More »

Pussy Galore

In last week’s column, a reader took me to task for not running any questions about pussy lately. To address Frustrated Femme’s concerns, I dug up all my backlogged pussy questions, shared them with a couple of pussy experts — Anne Semans and Cathy Winks, authors of The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex — … Read More »


We realize you’re gay and everything, Dan, but what ever happened to pussy? You used to write about women’s genitals once in a while, and then you were my hero. I still have the column you wrote about the importance of the clit, and I give it to every new boyfriend. But I don’t think … Read More »

Dogs, Poo, and Promises

Your column used to be full of questions from total freaks — people fucking their dogs, screwing their moms, or eating their poo — but now it’s all normal letters from normal people with normal problems. They ask boring questions, you give realistic (and therefore boring) advice, and while letter-writers’ problems may be solved, your … Read More »

Honey, We’ve Got a Problem

How do you tell a guy you really love that he’s trying too hard in bed? My boyfriend and I have been together for just under a year. He was a virgin before we got together and I wasn’t. Without exaggeration, he is the best sex I’ve ever had. Initially, I enjoyed our forays into … Read More »

Club 21

I’m a straight, white, 21-year-old college student, dating a 19-year-old straight, white girl. She has rich white parents, as I have rich white parents, and we both live in big white houses. Her parents love my parents, my parents love her, and her parents love me. Problem? She’s dull. I’m bored. I don’t want to … Read More »

Big Gay Cock

I’m 38 years old and my wife is 39. We’re both white, healthy, and happy. I’ve had this particular fantasy for close to 20 years, but only revealed it to my wife four years ago. I want my wife to be with me and another guy. This fantasy seems to be of interest to her: … Read More »

I’m For Forbes

This may seem like a naive question, but where in New York can one take a friend for a discreet lay? Central Park? It appears to be designed so that you can’t have any privacy (most frustrating: the Ramble). My place or hers? We are each involved with significant others we both care about. A … Read More »

Only the Lonely

I am a 17-year-old girl who doesn’t believe in casual sex. While all of my friends are relishing the thought of doing it at college, I’ve made the decision not to have sex until marriage. I’ve had the opportunity to have sex many times, and have rejected all of them. I’m not asking for advice … Read More »

Call & Response

Your answer to Wanna Get Off Before We’re Legal–those two young girls who want to get their hands on a vibrator–was inadequate. Why didn’t you advise them to order something out of a catalogue? The Good Vibrations catalogue has everything they’re looking for. Surely they can’t card over the phone.Mail Order Fan “We can’t card … Read More »

Swap Meet

On our way home from dinner with friends, my wife and I enjoy talking about who among our friends we could imagine having sex with. These conversations get especially interesting when the woman I could imagine having sex with is married to the man my wife could imagine having sex with. Naturally, this raises the … Read More »


I’m in dire need of help. Me and my friend are both 15, girls, and bi. We’re bored with “traditional” masturbating. We’ve tried porno (which is great, but it only took me so far), random objects, even each other! Then we stumbled on her mom’s vibrator. It was a big, blue, jelly dildo that vibrated. … Read More »

Double-D Dreamer

I’m a 28-year-old woman. My husband is 30. We’ve been married for four years, and dated for three years before getting married. We have a three-year-old child. Sexually, I’m of the “I’ll try anything once” school. We’ve experimented a lot over the last seven years, trying bondage, role-playing, gender-bending, water sports, and so many positions … Read More »


I’m a gay black male with a foot fetish. I’ve tried to indulge my fetish with hustlers, but they were either not interested or I wasn’t attracted to their feet. However, I have a straight male friend with perfect feet. He knows I’m gay and that I have a foot fetish. Should I ask him … Read More »

What Men Really Want

For the last eight years, I’ve been taping myself naked and jacking off solo with a camcorder. Nothing too far out, I just thought it would be fun. Here’s the problem: I’m 21 now, and don’t know what to do with these old vids of myself. The person on the tape is clearly me, and … Read More »

Melinda’s Secret

I am a happily married woman with two beautiful children, and I have a deep, dark secret. When I was 17, I ran away from home. With nowhere to go and nobody to rely on, I ran into a man who referred me to an escort agency. I performed sexual acts for rich men who … Read More »

Fat Bottom Girls

I’m a straight female, overweight, but it’s in all the right places! I haven’t had sex for months. Recently, I started seeing someone I met online. He’s a very nice guy, pretty good looking, and has an excellent personality. But he happens to be very overweight. I’m not attracted to heavy men and I have … Read More »

Double-D Dreamer

I’m a 28-year-old woman. My husband is 30. We’ve been married for four years, and dated for three years before getting married. We have a three-year-old child. Sexually, I’m of the “I’ll try anything once” school. We’ve experimented a lot over the last seven years, trying bondage, role-playing, gender-bending, water sports, and so many positions … Read More »

Fat Chicks, Nude Pix

Your response to the fat couple with the lackluster sex life was no better or worse than most of the mainstream media’s information about fat people… which is to say, it was incorrect, unhelpful, and silly. I’m a happy, healthy fat chick. My boyfriend is a happy, healthy fat guy. I’m an adorable 270 pounds, … Read More »

Chicks With Dicks

I am a woman who is attracted to gay men. In fact, I wish I were a gay man. When I fantasize about being with a man, I always imagine myself as also having a penis. I know there are ways a man can surgically become a woman, but it’s tougher to enlarge a woman’s … Read More »

My partner and I have the most wonderful relationship. We are very much in love, our sex life is amazing, we try everything, we love it all, etc. I respect and love everything about his body; problem is I can’t swallow. I’ve tried, and it freaks me out. I don’t like the taste of come! … Read More »

Jesse Camp

I’ve been going out with a guy I’m in love with for two years. I’m 16; he’s 18. He says it would be okay for me to do things with other people, short of any actual sex acts. The person I have the most interest in, besides my boyfriend, is one of his closest friends … Read More »

Escort A B C’s

I am a 46-year-old straight male who decided to check out the escort scene after ending a long-term relationship. I went up to Vancouver, B.C., on vacation, and met a 23-year-old escort and fell madly in… well… something. She is my picture of a perfect woman, very romantic and a good conversationalist. I was totally … Read More »

Man Trouble

I’m a 23 year-old single black female. I live alone with a cat. I have no “real” friends, just acquaintances. The last time I had a date was 1995, and the last time I got laid was back in 1993. It’s 1999, and I’m beginning to think there’s something wrong with me. I’m not ugly. … Read More »

Go Digital

A few years back, I took some snapshots of my wife-to-be. She was naked at the time. This unprocessed roll of film has been sitting in my desk for a while, and I’d like to get the pictures developed. However, I have no intention of going to the supermarket and having the old lady behind … Read More »

Damn You Uma!

MR. SAVAGE IS ON VACATION THIS WEEK. Enjoy this column from the week before the Bay of Pigs invasion, part of our “Savage Classics” collection! Two letters arrived the other day in the same envelope. There was a note attached, instructing me to read this one first: I am a het woman engaged to be … Read More »

How’d That Happen?!

Mr. Savage is on vacation this week. Enjoy this column from April 1865, just after Lincoln was shot — part of our “Savage Classics” collection! My girlfriend and I only see each other on weekends. To overcome the overwhelming desire to jerk off during the week, I have discovered that I get great pleasure urinating … Read More »

Hey, Kitten Stomper

Hey, Dan: There are two reasons you shouldn’t drop your “Hey, Faggot” salutation. First, “Hey, Faggot” is much more your brand identity than “Savage Love.” It’s certainly snappier, and definitely easier to remember. An ex-girlfriend of mine (bisexual, for the record) captured it perfectly one day. I asked her if she’d read some column of … Read More »

Smoke Signals

This may sound weird, but ever since I was a kid I’ve been aroused by the sight of sexy women smoking cigarettes. I’m always on the surreptitious lookout whenever I’m in public for women with cigarettes in their hands. I record and/or watch stuff on TV that doesn’t interest me in hopes of catching scenes … Read More »

Fantasy vs. Reality

Is there such a thing as a Pornography Recycling Center? I just got a new girlfriend and she wants me to get rid of my collection of porno videos (about 30). I also have some hard-core het print magazines I want to get rid of (they remind me of a time when I had neither … Read More »

Farewell, Faggot

Hey, Faggot: I am a woman, 40ish and extremely horny. My question may be rather unusual: I am wondering if you know of any agencies or escort services which provide heterosexual studs for women? I would like to hook up with a body-builder type, a guy with size and stamina, and I am willing to … Read More »

Arid & Extra Dry

Hey, Faggot:I am a 19-year-old male. Three months ago I began going out with my best friend of three years. Just before we started dating, she told me she has genital herpes. I love her, so I am staying with her. My chances of catching herpes from her seem slim, and we use as much … Read More »