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Savage Love Archives for 2005

Sisters & Slaves

My sister, whom I’m quite close with, has been getting into S&M. Recently she announced that she has acquired a slave. After much thought and discussion on the matter, I am still having a very hard time coming to terms with it. The problem I have is that she treats him like a slave 24 … Read More »

Away in a Manger

Lest I be accused of waging a War on Christmas by the pro-Christmas lobby—oh, whatever would I do if the all-powerful puckerbutts at the American Family Association called for a boycott of Savage Love?—I’m presenting a heartwarming selection of how-I-lost-my-virginity horror stories submitted by my readers. What do these stories have to do with Christmas? … Read More »

Ford Puff

Here’s my problem: I got fired from my job and, long story short, ended up escorting to pay the bills. Being a callboy in New York turned out to be not nearly as bad as I expected. In fact, it was fun. I was safe (condoms, worked through a web listing, always let someone know … Read More »

Roller Pervy

I’m a 23-year-old straight male. Due to a rare autoimmune attack three years ago, I have been indefinitely confined to a wheelchair, paralyzed from the waist down. I was never sexually active before the attack, so now I’m left to face my sexual future from a significantly altered perspective. The important thing to remember is … Read More »

Campus Drama

My boyfriend, Jason, is having problems with a boy named Roger who is obsessed with him. But because Roger is friends with Jason and Jason’s friends, Jason won’t just tell him off. Roger had the audacity to call Jason today and ask about our sex life. Roger is not only making Jason’s life hell, but … Read More »

Relative Danger

Am I out of bounds if I try to have a dialogue with my nephew about masturbation? He’s 17 years old and I’m 52. I’m also a balanced bisexual male in a good marriage. I masturbate a lot, “in private,” and enjoy pornography sometimes. I have fun, easy orgasms. What is appropriate? My nephew trusts … Read More »

Guys with Pies

My boyfriend let me experiment on him with a strap-on. At first he didn’t like it, but now he loves it. Now I want to have sex with another guy and watch him suck a real cock. How can I get him to try this? Pretty Eager Gal Jesus Christ, PEG! I have plowed years—years!—and … Read More »

Stepdad Seeking

My stepdad is gay. He married my mom anyway, and they appear to have a strong relationship despite his sexual preference—they love each other, had a baby together, and seem to be committed. A few days ago I found a search for “men seeking men” on his computer. I brought up the subject of their … Read More »

Off Target

I’ve been with my guy for almost eight years. He wants sex way more often than I do, but I don’t want it because I’m not attracted to his 80-pounds-overweight body. The one time I gently broke it to him why my libido was low, he acted really hurt and didn’t sleep with me for … Read More »

Your Cheatin’ Part

My wife and I were married straight out of college. At the time I knew she suffered from a potentially debilitating mental disorder, so I came into the relationship with my eyes fully open. Since then, nine years and two children have followed. About two years ago her disorder began to get worse. Suicidal ideation, … Read More »

Word from Midori

Any words of wisdom on spouses who claim to be GGG, but make it clear that they aren’t “into it” even as they fulfill their lovers’ fantasies? My wife always prefaces fetish sex play with a statement that makes it clear that she is doing so only grudgingly: “I really don’t feel very creative right … Read More »


What would you make of someone who intentionally leaves a pubic hair on your toilet seat every time he visits your home? This guy is ostensibly straight (married, even). I’m gay and my boyfriend and I have known him since college. Anyway, I initially thought the pubic hair thing was just a coincidence, but for … Read More »

Romancing the Bone

I adore my smart, affectionate, sexy husband—but he’s impotent. We don’t really need medical advice—we know why. (It started out physiological, side effects from anti-depressants, now it’s psychological.) He’s currently—and willingly—seeing a psychiatrist. I need some advice on how we can get back in the saddle. Direct discussions about the problem make him feel worse … Read More »

Virgin Marry

I fully support gay rights and gay marriage. But whenever I get into debates about the issue with right-wing acquaintances, they insist that gay marriage will lead to polygamy. This leaves me stymied. I have no argument with adults who freely choose to enter into open relationships. My problem is with fundamentalist cults that indoctrinate … Read More »

The Horror

I’m a 21-year-old straight guy with a boring sex life. Until a few months ago when something terrifying happened. Back in May, I was contacted by somebody through Match.com. She claimed to be a grad student at my school, had a very attractive photo, and we began IMing. She talked about how she was looking … Read More »

Nut Cases

A friend of mine is setting up a website with some of her friends for feminist (mostly queer) porn. I’m straight, and she asked me if I wanted to be in it, with or without my boyfriend of two years. After clarifying that I wouldn’t be making porn with people I didn’t want to do … Read More »

No Sex, Please

How can I tell if I’m asexual? Is it a legitimate orientation or am I just a seething ball of neuroses? Sex does nothing for me. I can’t orgasm (even when I attempt masturbation), so my husband doesn’t go there. That’s fine by me. I HATE my people-parts; I find them utterly icky. At any … Read More »

Restrain Yourself

I went to a friend’s wedding, a friend whom five years ago I would have called a “best friend.” I don’t know how to describe our friendship now because we don’t talk or see each other much. I was reacquainted with her ex-boyfriend (she dated him for three months three years ago) at her wedding … Read More »

Smokin’ Hot

I’m a smoker and my boyfriend has a smoking fetish. He likes it when I smoke while we’re having sex; he likes to jerk off and watch me smoke; he likes me to smoke and give him oral sex at the same time. His porn collection is all smoking-related. I’ve really enjoyed participating in this … Read More »

Keep It Coming

You so rarely answer questions of etiquette in your column, unlike so many of your advice-giving peers. Here’s one for you: I’ve been in a casual sexual relationship with this girl for about four months. (Two months ago we spoke, reaffirming that all either of us wanted was the casual sex.) I have grown weary … Read More »

Back in the Saddle

I have been seeing this great guy for about two years now. A few months back I stumbled upon some she-male photos on our computer. When I confronted him, he said that it was in response to a “nightmare” he had from watching HBO late at night or something. I asked him to be honest … Read More »

Golden Oldie

Here’s another column from the Savage Love archives… My girlfriend and I only see each other on weekends. To overcome the overwhelming desire to jerk off during the week, I have discovered that I get great pleasure urinating on myself. I don’t know how this happened—one morning I just did it. About an hour after … Read More »

How They Like Eet

Hey, Everybody: I’m on vacation—my first in years—so I’ll be running some much-loved, frequently requested classic Savage Loves for next few weeks. A couple of months ago you invited women to send in cunnilingus tips for straight guys. We’re still waiting for that column, Dan. What gives? Didn’t any women send in tips? Straight Guy … Read More »

Sex for the Sick

I have a question I don’t think you’ve ever addressed in your column. I’m a 32-year-old heterosexual female who was stricken with near-terminal cancer eight years ago. I’ve gone through every sort of treatment known to mankind (and had the gross misfortune of going through menopause at 27 years old). I was sort of a … Read More »

Just a Piece on the Side

I have recently been exploring my bi side and experimenting with other men. I’ve come to a point of being perfectly comfortable with my sexuality: I’m attracted to both women and men, but I’m predominantly attracted to women. I hate the idea of having to hide this. I’ve read Dossie Easton’s book The Ethical Slut, … Read More »

Choice Comments

I’m sure this won’t be the only response you receive regarding your advice to OBGYN, the pro-choice girl whose pro-life boy refused to have intercourse with her unless she agreed to have the baby if she got pregnant. Your advice was totally fucked up. I take 95 percent of what could be considered liberal positions, … Read More »

Bro’s Ho

Background: Not long ago, a certain woman went from being my brother’s “fuck-buddy” to being his girlfriend. From what I can tell she is GGG. I am in my mid-30s, my brother and his girlfriend are in their early 40s. So here I am, finding this woman very attractive. When we were all out together … Read More »

Do As I Say

Just in time for Pride, advice for 15 year-old fags and dykes from grown up gays and lesbians… Three words: HIGH SCHOOL ENDS. No matter how much life sucks right now, it will get better. It’ll never be all rainbows and happiness, but some day you’ll know, your family will know, your friends will know, … Read More »

Boys 2 Men

I started teaching high-school freshmen three years ago when I was 23. I was closer in age/culture to most of my students than I was to the other teachers. That first year I bonded with a lot of the students; in particular with a small group of boys that were on the basketball team I … Read More »

Feet First

I’m a straight foot fetishist and, like any other American male, I regularly Google my fetish. Last night I ran across a website promoting foot fetish parties in New York City: www.foot-worship-party.com. Have you heard of this event? Is it legit? Is it legal? For a guy with a foot fetish, it seems almost too … Read More »

Dirty Danny

You wrote this two weeks ago: “Hello, straight people? Most of you seem content to merely rubberneck while gay people have the shit kicked out of us, and while that’s maddening, I suppose it’s understandable. It’s not your fight. But what explains your passivity when your own rights are being attacked?” I think it’s bullshit … Read More »

Fully Loaded

I was cruising for sex online and made a date to meet up with two guys for anonymous play. When we arrived at the one guy’s apartment, he asked us if we would fuck him bareback. I said no, but the other guy said he would. The bottom then asked us if we were both … Read More »

Worry Worts

I am a 26-year-old hetero male, and I recently started hooking up with a new girl. She’s very cute and smart and I’m really attracted to her. During a recent make out session, she informed me that she has HPV, the STD that causes genital warts. From what I’ve read, condoms don’t necessarily mean you’re … Read More »

A Very Kinky Girl

I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful man for four months. He treats me better than anyone I’ve ever been with. (I’m 29.) The problem? I’m very adventurous sexually. I’m a freaky girl. I like to be spanked, choked, fisted, and I’m into anal sex. He’s a straight-laced officer in the armed forces, and … Read More »

Frist Fuckers!

I am a 25-year-old SWM who lives in a large apartment complex. Over the past several months, the woman who lives upstairs from me has fallen into the habit of coming downstairs once or twice a week and giving me a blowjob. She seems fairly normal, and is about 10 years older than me. She … Read More »

15 Going on 16

Dear Readers: I’m proud to present my long- delayed column devoted to advice for 15-year-old girls. What do the women who read Savage Love know now that they wish they’d known when they were 15? You can read all about it below. But before I open the girl-power spigot, I wanna get two things off … Read More »

For Rent

I’m a 20-year-old bi guy with a girlfriend of seven months and a few male friends-with-benefits (FWBs). I’m happy, but I have a kink and I’m wondering how I could safely explore it. I want to try hustling. A random guy picking me up on the street and paying me for sex is an elusive … Read More »

R.I.P. J.P. II

I’m a normal guy except for one thing: I’m attracted to zombies. When I was a kid, I loved to watch horror films that featured them. Then as a teen, I started to masturbate watching zombie flicks. I fantasize about having sex with zombies while trying not to get bitten but eventually I end up … Read More »

Blessed be the Ties that Bind

Here’s my wah-wah: I’m 20, gay, and my boyfriend of eight months is into tying me up. I work out a lot and I have pretty decent muscles, and something about tying me up makes him extra horny. I’m wondering if this gonna warp me somehow? Why is it so much fun? My main problem … Read More »

Steel Tubes

I’m a late-20s straight man in a BDSM relationship with a dominant woman. She enjoys depriving me of orgasms for long periods of time, and she likes to keep me in a male chastity belt. It’s a rather high-tech, custom-fitted thing made of stainless steel and lined in silicone. It makes it impossible for me … Read More »

Wishful Thinking Syndrome

I am a 34-year-old woman. I recently became reacquainted with a boyfriend from college. He lives in Alaska and I live on the East Coast. We hadn’t seen each other since 1993. We only broke up then because we were both graduating and headed our separate ways. We have continued our snail-mail and e-mail correspondence … Read More »

Kids Today

I am a 15-year-old boy and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I wanted to ask you personally, how do you get girls? Like the best way to get them, so they think I am interesting. I await your orders. Teenager Going To Waste There’s nothing I enjoy more than ordering around the odd teenage … Read More »

Open Your Mouth

I am a 21-year-old bisexual male who recently moved back home to Canada. For the last two months I was overseas I was involved with my first male partner. He was a virgin, I was not. He knew about my bisexuality and one night propositioned me. I refused because I was not really all that … Read More »


Holy cow, Dan! What a mean response! I totally disagree that there is a direct parallel between mugging old ladies and having unsafe sex with an HIV diagnosis. The old ladies have no way to protect themselves, whereas EVERY SINGLE PARTNER that sleeps with an HIV-er has the choice to use a condom. I work … Read More »

Shitstorm… 3… 2…1…

One of my best friends was recently diagnosed with HIV. Since college, he’s been on an unending sex conquest, hooking up with countless guys he meets online to engage in risky activities. My concern is that he doesn’t seem fazed by his HIV diagnosis and he says he has no intention of giving up his … Read More »

Pretty Lady

I’m a 24-year-old straight female. I just moved to a new city where I don’t know anyone. So the other night I hung out with a 21-year-old jock from work. We went to a bar and eventually wound up back at his apartment where we both smoked pot. I was thinking he was a muscle-bound … Read More »

Come to the Bash!

I am a thirtysomething, happily married woman except that I’ve never had satisfying, passionate sex with my husband. But I love him. Here’s where it gets complicated. I survived cancer a few years back. I’m having symptoms again, but I haven’t told anyone. In a few months a business trip will give me the opportunity … Read More »

Age and Consent

I have long enjoyed your advice, humor, and politics. But I never thought I would need your advice, being a well-adjusted hetero chick. All that changed a few months ago when I got married. Before we married, my hubby denied having any sexual fantasies. I have lots and enjoy some kinks. We talked, though, and … Read More »

Slap Happy

In addition to purchasing the cover, the comics, and the right to be the subject of many of the columns in this week’s issue of The Stranger, Ben Exworthy also purchased the right to seize control of Savage Love for a week. While those of us who write advice columns like to think we’re in … Read More »

Most Outrageous

Last year I began a sexual relationship with someone from my university. He was graduating so we just kept it light and had fun. Even though he’s no longer here, we have kept in contact and get together whenever he’s in town. Recently he propositioned me, asking if I would have a threesome with him … Read More »

Unwanted Frat Boys

I’m a 21-year-old hetero, two weeks from finishing my tour in Afghanistan, and I have a question about strip clubs. I live in St. Louis and enjoy the pleasures of East St. Louis as often as I can. One of the first things I’m going to do when I get home is get drunk and … Read More »

Show Some Restraints

Being one of those poor uninsured types, I went to the Haight Ashbury Free Clinic in San Francisco to get some stuff in my throat checked out. I described my problems–weird tonsil spots and a lump in the back of my throat– to the evening’s practitioner and said that I had felt around back there … Read More »