Savage Love Archives for 2010

I really need some help and comfort. I am a straight 25-year-old woman, and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for four years. I have never been the romantic type, until I met him. At the beginning, we were purely sexual. We love role-playing, and we always came up with erotic fantasies of me being fucked … Read More »

My mother left her e-mail logged in on my computer, and I decided to be an asshole and snoop out of boredom. I honestly wasn’t expecting anything, but I found a few intimate e-mails between her and a strange man that pretty much confirmed that she was cheating on my dad. My parents have been … Read More »

I am a 33-year-old married male who has a WAM—wet and messy—fetish. I’m into mud and clay. I have played with various substances in the bathroom by myself over the years. It always ends with me masturbating myself into oblivion, wishing there were someone with me so we could sensuously rub against each other, etc., … Read More »

I am a woman in a relatively new relationship. Prior to this guy, I had a deep disgust for anything anal-related. After some dedicated work and anilingus on his part, he’s helped me overcome my fears of the “grossness” of the area and made me an enthusiastic convert—as a recipient. He has expressed an interest … Read More »

I’m a 21-year-old woman with bi-curious tendencies who’s been in a committed relationship for four years. He’s sweet and kind. We share a lot of interests and get along very well. Thing is, I don’t know if I’m meant to be in a committed relationship. For the past year and a half, I’ve been thinking … Read More »

I have been married for 16 years and have three children. My marriage isn’t the best, nor is the sex. I have strayed many times, and it’s always been with women—I love women and I love having sex with women. However, for years I have had a fantasy about being with a transsexual. I recently … Read More »

I spoke at Pacific University in Forest Grove, Oregon, last Thursday night. PU students submitted a lot more questions than I could possibly answer in the 90 minutes we had together, so I’m going to use this week’s column to answer some of the ones I didn’t get to. Here we go: What is the … Read More »

I have a bit of a situation. I’m a 23-year-old het male, and I am married. My wife and I have a girlfriend now, making our arrangement a polyamorous triad. We all love each other, and we are getting to the point that we are thinking about how we are going to tell our parents … Read More »

I love reading your column and never thought that I would have a reason to write to you, but to my pleasure and chagrin, I realized today that I could use your help. I am a 23-year-old woman. I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and we have lived together for two. We … Read More »

My husband and I have had an open marriage for the last two years. Up until five months ago, it was working beautifully. At that point, however, I was sexually assaulted by a former partner. Since that incident, I cannot stand sex with my husband. I completely flip out when he tries to initiate sexual … Read More »

I heard an interview with you about your It Gets Better campaign. I was saddened and frustrated with your comments regarding people of faith and their perpetuation of bullying. As someone who loves the Lord and does not support gay marriage, I can honestly say I was heartbroken to hear about the young man who … Read More »

My husband has a cuckold fetish, which we have indulged through two drunken threesomes with two of his best friends. The first time, he really had to talk me into it. The second time, he steered me in that direction and I took the wheel. I now have had sex alone with Friend Two a … Read More »

I’m a straight college guy, age 21, and I share a house with some buddies and a couple. This couple has been together for four years. They’re both quite sexual, but she’s got more libido than he does. I’ve got a big sex drive, too. Both of them have stated an openness to polyamorous situations. … Read More »

I’m a gay male and have been seeing a terrific guy for a couple of months. Two years ago, during an uncharacteristically wild few months in my life, I had a threesome with a couple, and as it turns out, my boyfriend is very good friends with them. We see them socially and have even … Read More »

I’m sorry about sending this letter to you via snail mail. I don’t want to send an e-mail because I’d rather not have a record of this living forever on some server somewhere. About six months ago, after watching my girlfriend insert a tampon, I asked if I could do it for her next time. … Read More »

A few nights ago, I got drunk and knocked on my roommate’s door and confessed my attraction to him while he was lying in bed in nothing more than his skivvies. And then I asked him if I could sleep in his room because our other roommate—whose bedroom is directly above mine—was having sex so … Read More »

Here’s my problem: I love women. The way they look, move, and sound. But the idea of actually interacting with women absolutely fucking terrifies me. I’m a virgin at 30. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never even had a conversation with a woman that lasted longer than a … Read More »

I lost my virginity last night. I’m a straight male in my early 30s, so it was about time. It wasn’t awkward, and we had a good time. However, I didn’t climax, the result of years of death-grip masturbation. (Thanks for the warning, Dan, I’m sorry I didn’t heed it.) She took it personally but … Read More »

My boyfriend and I are straight college students, and he’s always wanting to try new things. Recently, he asked to put a finger in my ass while we were having sex. Someone did that to me before, but it felt uncomfortable and it kinda hurt. I told my boyfriend that he could do it once … Read More »

A long while ago, you wrote an incredible piece of general advice for teenage boys. The advice was so excellent that I clipped it out to keep in case I ever had a son. Well, years later, I have a son. But I no longer have that precious piece of paper. My son is only … Read More »

My boyfriend and I have “history.” We dated casually and weren’t ready to stop seeing other people, so we had an open relationship. This phase was awful: lots of fights, a couple minor breakups, and eventually I called it quits for good, cutting off all contact. A month later, we started talking again and decided … Read More »

Ever since hearing you say on your podcast that all men use porn, I have had a burning question: What about us women? If all men get a pass to have this whole other sex life, which is (mostly) external to their partnerships and is sexually satisfying, then all women should have a pass as … Read More »

I was recently told that I am being puritanical and self-righteous because I can’t get over the fact that my partner spends a good deal of time seeking out pictures of very young girls to masturbate to. Nothing illegal, he says, but still… He admits to having a 20-year-plus addiction to porn, and with that … Read More »

My boss/CEO lives and works in a different city, but most of her mail arrives at my office because it is the company’s official address. I routinely open mail and packages addressed to her. Usually they contain documents for me to handle or software for me to install, but today I opened a package with … Read More »

My husband of eight years confessed to wanting to watch me with another man. I found a guy, and he agreed to a full STD screening—at my husband’s suggestion and our expense—so that we wouldn’t have to use condoms. I was worried about how my husband would react to the reality, but he loved every … Read More »

I am a married white guy in my 50s. My wife and I do some role-playing where I am “Ted,” her real-life father. In her script, I yell at my “bad daughter” (my wife) over some infraction and send her to her room. Later on, I sneak in and tell her that she could “make … Read More »

My friend is a gay-identified FTM. He’s hot, he’s cute, and above the waist, you would never guess what he’s got down below. We love to kiss and cuddle, and from my end, his blowjobs are great. The problem is that I have no idea how to reciprocate. He isn’t into anal (why would he … Read More »

I’m a woman in my 20s, and I’ve been dating the love of my life for two years now. We are incredibly happy except for—guess!—we have different sex drives. When we first started dating, I initiated sex all the time and enjoyed it, but as soon as I started on birth control, my libido evaporated. … Read More »

My husband was 28 when we met and a virgin. When we started having sex, he opened up about being “different.” He wanted to wear panties and wanted me to make fun of his tiny penis. Didn’t love the stuff, but whatever. Now it’s a thousand times worse. He goes to Victoria’s Secret and tells … Read More »

I’m a straight male college student in a relationship, which had been going great. The only incongruity was that, for a religious reason, I don’t want to have penetrative vaginal sex before marriage. I’m up for anything else—I would eat her out, piss on her, whatever else—but not vaginal sex. I made this clear at … Read More »

Where can a straight guy find a transsexual woman who is NOT a hooker and just wants to be friends (with benefits)? I know of one club where they hang, but they are mostly hookers there. I would like to go someplace where I could meet one and see if we could hit it off … Read More »

One of my best friends at college is gay. I’m a straight female with my own boyfriend. We’re going to be sophomores in the fall, and I feel like this is about the age where coming out to one’s parents is in order. However, my friend’s parents are conservative. His older brother is also gay—and … Read More »

I’m a mostly gay male with a boyfriend who is also mostly gay. We are into BDSM—we are both tops and sometimes play with other sub men. I say we are “mostly” gay because we do like to fuck/top submissive women once in a while. We haven’t done this a lot, and never together because … Read More »

I am a 28-year-old, post-op transsexual woman. I met a great 31-year-old guy. We have been dating for a year, and he recently told me that he didn’t think he was sure he was in love with me. He said that he didn’t know if he could give me any sort of commitment, that he … Read More »

Hey, everybody: Now you can buy your own Savage Love T-shirt. Go to thestranger.com/savagemerch. I read the letter from the woman who had cheated on her ex and now wants to patch it up. I have a similar situation, except it was my ex-girlfriend who cheated on me. We’d been living together for a few … Read More »

I’m a 27-year-old gay man. I had a really great first couple of dates with a guy, so for the third date I invited him to stay over. I cooked dinner, we watched a movie, and we had a lovely time in bed. In the morning, we had another romp. At one point, he was … Read More »

I am a mostly straight, 22-year-old woman. I am a pretty GGG kind of gal. So I just started seeing this guy. I haven’t known him for long—no serious sexual activity yet. The other night, a few drinks in, we ventured into talking about sex and porn. When I asked what type of porn he … Read More »

I’m a young, straight feminist male, and I’ve been dating my feminist girlfriend monogamously for almost two years. Recently, I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I am turned on by rape fantasies. Of course, I find the idea of actual rape repugnant, and this is probably, of course, why fantasizing about it … Read More »

I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me yesterday over the fact that I used to be an escort. He went through my e-mails and saw that I was answering ads, putting ads up, sending photos. We had been planning a future together, talking about moving in, … Read More »

HUMP! 2010: Everybody loves HUMP!, Seattle and Portland’s biggest, best, and only amateur, locally produced porn festival. But HUMP! can’t come if you don’t! It’s time to get to work on your short & sexy pornos, Seattle! This year’s call for HUMP! submissions is on page 14. Go to thestranger.com/hump for details, deadlines, release forms, … Read More »

My husband and I have been married for one year, but we had been dating for 10 years prior to that. I thought we had a very understanding relationship. In the last couple of days, I have found out that he has a serious obsession with females wearing running shoes. He had in the past … Read More »

I am a girl who sabotaged my relationship. I was angry; I had complaints. But my real issue was a store of repressed childhood trauma, and I was working it out on the closest person to me, my BF. We had something magical, and I destroyed it. I am now willing to give 110 percent … Read More »

Okay: Female, married 15 years, one young child. No sex with husband over last five years. Have tried therapy, confrontation, lingerie, kink, porn. Seriously, everything. A year and a half ago, I got into a relationship with a married guy, a man who also wasn’t getting any at home. Our agreement is this: no strings, … Read More »

I’m writing to you to settle a dispute between my husband and me. We’re not terribly adventurous, but we’re not totally vanilla. However, there is one issue that is driving me insane: My husband constantly pesters me to have anal sex. We have tried it in the past, and it is NOT my bag. I … Read More »

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. We are gay. We live in a college town. We both found jobs here after we graduated, so we stayed. Since his sophomore year, my boyfriend has had an “arrangement” with an older man, a professor at the university. Did I say older? I meant … Read More »

A few years before my wife and I met, she made porn with a boyfriend. He intended to start a pay-per-view website but never did. I was upset, but then I remembered that I enjoy porn, and the idea of seeing the hottest woman I’ve ever met—and am now married to—doing porn might be really … Read More »

Let’s say, theoretically, I’m a pedophile. I’m not stupid or evil, so I’m not gonna DO anything. I’m not even gonna look at porn, because the production of it involves child exploitation. I don’t even look at kids in public places. So what the fuck should I do? Chemical castration? But I haven’t DONE anything … Read More »

I’m a single (mostly) gay guy who is curious about women. A hot bisexual mate is interested in a friends-with-benefits arrangement. However, his girlfriend doesn’t know he’s bisexual, and I’d feel uncomfortable having sex with him behind her back. My mate would like his girlfriend to know about him because he’d really like to have … Read More »

I’m a recovering anorexic and I am still struggling a great deal to eat normal and healthy portions of food. A friend and I have recently become “friends with benefits.” He lives very far away, so we primarily indulge through IMs. He knows I have issues with food, though he doesn’t know to what extent. … Read More »

I am a 34-year-old straight, single female. My fantasy is to be blindfolded, bent over a table/couch/whatever, and fucked by whoever happens to walk by. I realize this would have to take place in a safe environment, but most sex clubs or parties tend to be for swingers, specifically couples. There’s a sex club nearby … Read More »

I am a queer lady in my 20s. My boyfriend and I recently discovered that we are both into BDSM. We started with some light bondage and spanking, added some role-play, and are moving toward some heavier stuff. I’ve spent some time reading online BDSM erotica, and here’s what’s stressing me out: I tend to … Read More »