Hot Grannies

...members,” said Tom Otwell, AARP’s national spokesman, “with the median age being 67. We have members from age 50 to well over 100.” Is AARP a good way for single people to meet mature partners? “We have 4,000 chapters, some are more social than others, some more politically active than others. But being active in a chapter certainly creates opportunities to mingle with like-minded folks.” As almost 60 percent of AARP’s members are female, and many of these women are widowed, odds and early male mortality rates would seem to favor you, Spike. But, alas, at 38 you’re too young to join AARP. “Fifty is the age of membership eligibility,” Tom told me, “but if someone is married to another person who is 50 or older, then that person automatically becomes a member when their spouse joins.” Did Tom have any advice for someone not yet old enough for AARP who wanted to meet, oh, women old enough to be long-time AARP members? “Um, I guess I would give the standard advice: Get involved in social activities, take some classes, do some volunteer work. A lot of volunteer organizations rely heavily on older folks to fill their ranks, and someone could meet any number of older people that way.” To join AARP, send $8 to The American Association of Retired Persons Membership Center, P.O. Box 199, Long Beach, CA 90848. Along with your membership card you’ll receive a subscription to — are you sitting down? — Modern Maturity, AARP’s membership magazine, and probably some good one-handed reading for you, Spike. You don’t have to provide proof of age to join — just check the “I’m 50!” box — and Tom tells me the September/October issue of Modern Maturity had a cover story on “Great Sex: What’s Age Got to Do with It?” Anything in that issue about the pros and cons of younger men worshipping older women like Egyptian love slaves? “I don’t think I’m going to comment on that,” said Tom, who suddenly had to take another call. Where can I meet older women in Edmonton, Alberta? I find them more erotic than women my own age. I’m 30 and enjoy women between the ages of 35 and 45, but can’t seem to find a place in Edmonton to meet them. Mike “If I were looking for older women I would go to opera,” said Richard Cairney, editor of See magazine in Edmonton, “or hang around bingo halls. Gambling is legal here, and casinos are always full of older, single women. I would think Palace Casino at West Edmonton Mall, which is the second-biggest mall on earth after the Mall of America in Minnesota, would be a good place.” Should you leave Palace Casino without an older woman on your arm, well, you still have options. There are several escort agencies in Edmonton’s yellow pages — Jade Garden Escorts features “blondes, brunettes, exotic and mature” women — and See magazine’s classifieds are packed with indie escorts. Brittany (780.413.1669), a 40-year-old, red-headed “British Escort,” sounds like your type, as does Gloria (780.413.3161), a 45-year-old escort who describes herself as a full-time secretary and part-time escort. Rrowwrr! Two years ago, I was seduced by a female client 20 years my senior. The sex was the hottest, sweetest, most intensely erotic experience of my life. Since then I’ve developed a desire for mature women that borders on the obsessive. In spite of this, I’ve a real problem meeting them! Although I don’t solicit from personal ads, I do read them, and it seems that most women (at least those who submit personals), prefer men in their own age group or older. Women in their 40s and beyond just don’t seem to notice men under 30. Where can I find older women attracted to younger men? Is there a club that caters to my particular persuasion? A publication? A website? Anything at all? The situation is getting desperate: I’m currently a full-time student, and one of my lecturers is an utterly captivating lady of 50 or so. I spend the entire class making cow eyes at her, hiding my erection with a notepad. When I see other attractive, older women, my reaction is the same. Any suggestions? Tyke Work on your presentation. Most women, regardless of age, avoid men with erections making cow eyes at them, especially when they’re trying to work. Try making conversation, not cow eyes, and learn to control yourself. (Nothing draws attention to a male student’s erection like feeble attempts to hide the erection under a notebook.) If you were less of a spaz, mature women would risk getting within 20 yards of you and you wouldn’t need to join a club. Not that there’s a club for you to join. Bill Brent edits and publishes The Black Book, which he describes as North America’s foremost guide to alternative sexuality — he defines that as “any sex that is not about a man and a woman making a baby.” The Black Book lists clubs, publications, vendors, support groups, and websites all over the United States and Canada, from A (Abco Research Associates, “makers of high-tech masturbation machines for men and women built to last a lifetime… “) to Z (“ZOO: The Zoophiliac Outreach Organization, [where] zoophiles can obtain non-professional advice and support from each other… “). If clubs existed for younger men and older women, Bill would know about them. Guess what? Not only aren’t any younger men/older women clubs currently listed in The Black Book, but Bill doesn’t think there ever will be one. Fetish clubs are for folks whose pleasures might be misunderstood by their friends and neighbors. Your preference for older women isn’t anything you should be ashamed of. If you’re attracted to older women, then all you need to do is ask ’em out — a no-stress, low-stakes option that isn’t really available to other, kinkier folks. Since most older women assume younger men are interested in women around their own age or younger — a reasonable assumption — even those who might be interested in a younger man are unlikely to say so in personal ads. “Go ahead and answer some ads,” said Bill. “If he can impress women with his mature spirit” — something you won’t be able to do if you’re hiding an erection with your notebook — “maybe his age in years won’t matter so much. And he might find that one of the women whose ad he answers is interested in younger guys.” To order a copy of The Black Book call 1-800-818-8823. [email protected] Dan Savage’s new book, The Kid… An Adoption Story, is in bookstores now. Granny Lust