Savage Love Archives for 2025

I’m a 44-year-old woman with a history of childhood sexual trauma. I enjoy sex if I’m with a partner I feel very connected to emotionally, but I’ve never had an orgasm. Because of this I tend to rely on pleasing my partner during sex rather than my own arousal. It works OK for me at … Read More »

1. What advice do you have for young people who want to have an open conversation with their partners about changing aspects of their sex life to make it more pleasurable without hurt feelings or awkwardness?  What’s more likely to lead to major hurt: A few awkward conversations now that (hopefully) lead to better conversations … Read More »

I’m 27-year-old Italian guy. I just got out of a situationship with a woman five years older than me. It was a total mess. She wanted everything to revolve around her and be in control of everything because she had bad relationships in the past. She wanted to date other people, but I was always … Read More »

Dear Readers: I’m at a family event — a happy one — this week. This column originally appeared in July 2013. Back with a new Savage Love next week. — Dan  I’m a 26-year-old straight female. I’m writing because I need to ask someone what to think right now. I just fucked a guy while … Read More »

My boyfriend went on a trip abroad with his friend (also a guy). After he came back, he showed me that he made a Bumble profile while he was there. I didn’t feel like anything was off or ask him to show me; he volunteered. He said that he was just curious to see how … Read More »

1. Queer boy in an open relationship with a silly question. I’ve started seeing someone recently. They’re cute and I enjoy their company, but they use a lot of cologne and it’s hurting my desire to be physical with them. I don’t know this person well and our trajectory is towards a friends-with-benefits sort of … Read More »

My girlfriend and I started to do butt play (her butt) about two months ago. It was a once-per-week thing, first with butt plugs and then, after two weeks, anal. Two weeks ago, shortly after anal sex, she caught a really bad flu (confirmed by a medical test) that lasted a week, with a stubborn … Read More »

I recently came home from a short meeting to find my husband in the bathroom with the door locked — locked to keep the kids out — meaning that he was secretly jerking off to porn while I was out. This has happened a few times before while I was home or out briefly and I’ve tried to … Read More »

I’m a 33-year-old gay man in a big city. I am currently in a five-month relationship with a wonderful, sweet man who loves me very much. I love him too. Prior to this I was in a throuple for three years. That relationship was toxic. I was the new addition to the throuple, and I … Read More »

1. I’m a heterosexual woman married to a heterosexual man, and we’ve been together fourteen years. We have two kids. We met in our late 20s, we’re now in our early 40s, and needless to say we are WILDLY different people — from who we used to be, and from each other, frankly. After having … Read More »

I’m a 33-year-old bisexual redheaded cis woman from Europe. Last week, I stumbled across the word “gingerism,” and an important part of my life clicked into place. I went down a rabbit hole of stories from other redheads who, like me, have been bullied, hypersexualized, and treated like mythical creatures since puberty. Honestly? It felt … Read More »

My wife and I are socially monogamous but have a DADT arrangement that applies if we’re not in our home city. While my wife would prefer that I divulge details to her, I don’t want to hear her details, so we defaulted to DADT based on my preferences. Because we aren’t out to friends about … Read More »

My always polite and very-high-functioning drunk husband was fucking around for the first fifteen years of our marriage. The other women were “unhappily married co-workers” who needed discretion. At the time, I thought our sex life was actually fairly normal. Things came to a head when I learned about a two-year affair he’d been having. … Read More »

I’m a gay 35-year-old guy in the San Francisco area. I’m heading on a weekend getaway with my boyfriend and two other gay couples. We’re all solid but purely platonic friends — at least so far — but turning this “couples’ getaway” into a group play extravaganza sounds so hot to me. I believe everyone is in … Read More »

1. How does one find the clitoris? I’m told the clitoris is not hard to find — go north, young man — but if one tries to find it and one fails, one should pull over (or pull out) and ask for directions. 2. If someone tells you to “do whatever you want,” should you? Someone who … Read More »

I have a problem that I’m not sure can be solved. I’m a single gay man who hasn’t touched anybody for sixteen years. Yes, you read that right: I haven’t touched another person for sixteen years. Sit with that for a couple of moments. Most people don’t believe me. I did something stupid in 1998 and had sex in … Read More »

I’ve been happily married to my wife for fifteen years. I’m a 54-year-old man, she’s a 55-year-old woman. While sex has never been our strongest suit, we’ve made the effort. But she now finds sex too painful and no longer wants to have intercourse. I’m on the larger side, which may or may not be … Read More »

I’m a 28-year-old woman married to my husband, a 29-year-old man, for almost two years, and we still haven’t had sex. We met through mutual friends, dated for less than a year, and we knew pretty quickly that we wanted to get married. Things between us felt right. We genuinely liked each other, and everything … Read More »

Dear Readers: The twentieth anniversary HUMP! Film Festival — the world’s biggest and best festival of short porn films — kicked off in Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco over the last two weeks. Our amazing new collection will be touring to more than forty cities over the next few months. (Go to humpfilmfest.com to find … Read More »

I’m a cis man in a monogamous relationship with a cis woman who is going through perimenopause. She was recently prescribed a boric acid suppository to help deal with some normal but persistent vaginal health issues. Her doctor and all the reliable online medical resources we’ve found said we should wait “24-48” hours after she … Read More »

Dear Readers: I haven’t felt so good since visiting a rustic pluck-your-own chicken place for dinner last week and — doctor’s orders — I’m not allowed to operate advice column machinery until I’m feeling better. Please enjoy this column from February 21st, 2017 and look for a brand-new column in this space next week. — Dan … Read More »

Dear Readers: When I open a column with “Dear Readers,” it’s usually to let you know I’m taking a week off. But this is a brand-new column! All new questions, all new answers. But I intentionally dug through the mail for relatively simple questions because I’m just fried from the news. So, if you wrote … Read More »

1. It turns me on when my husband fucks other men. It pisses him off when I do. His proposed “fix” is he gets to fuck other men (because I like it), but I don’t get to fuck other men (because he hates it). This hardly seems fair. If unfairness turned you on — if … Read More »

I am a 30-year-old cishet woman from the Pacific Northwest. I am reaching out today about faking orgasms. I have been dating this guy for about six months and he is perfect. I love everything about him and part of that is I feel like we have great sex. The caveat is that I have never … Read More »

I’m a lesbian in a big city. My partner of five years is the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, and we are deeply in love, and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. She has a son from an early-in-life marriage to a man. He is eighteen years old, a senior in … Read More »

My wife and I are a lesbian married couple in Chicago. We are also proud moms to our wonderful, dynamic 17-year-old trans son. “Michael” is a great kid, and we have always enjoyed a close relationship. It has recently come to light that he is engaging in penetrative sex with men he meets on a … Read More »

1. Would you be willing to share my list of proposed gender-free pronouns with your readers, listeners, and followers? I’ve enclosed a graph listing them that details how they should be used. They are very liberating. Sorry, but I’m unwilling to share your list of new pronouns with my readers, listeners, and followers, as there … Read More »