I just finished reading your response to “Lonely and Suicidal,” the blue-collar
man having a hard time meeting women in the San Francisco Bay Area. (LAS is the
guy who threatened to kill you, Dan, if you made fun of him, remember?) In your
response, you stated that perhaps LAS’ inability to meet women in the Bay Area
had less to do with his appearance or personality and more to do with his income.
To up his chances of scoring, you suggested he move to some Midwestern U.S. state
or Canada, “where women still regard a blue-collar man as a catch and not a consolation
prize….”Were you attempting to be politically incorrect by suggesting that women
in those areas are not as money-driven as women are in the Bay Area? If that’s
the case, you only succeeded in offending the women in these regions. Specifically,
you offended Canadian women.
...succeeded in offending the women in these regions. Specifically,
you offended Canadian women.
Although you attempt to paint a positive portrait of Canadian women as
less materialistic, all you have actually done is perpetuate the notion that
Canadians in general, and Canadian women in particular, are less professional,
earn lower incomes, and are less educated than women in the Bay Area. You imply
that Canadian women don’t have goals and are content to live working-class lives.
For the record (and for your American readers): Canadian women are NOT all beer-swiggin’,
lumberjack-lovin’, igloo-livin’ individuals out to “catch” a blue-collar man.
Some of us want more!
My Sights Are Set Higher
God forbid that I should be so “politically incorrect” as to suggest that
some Canadian women might be content with a decent guy who earns a decent living.
As you so rightly point out in your eloquent and stereotype-smashing letter,
MSASH, that’s nothing but a pernicious and harmful stereotype. Someone had to
tell the world that Canadian women can be money-grubbing whores too, just like
American women. Thank you for taking the time to write.
I’m 42 years old and I’ve been involuntarily celibate for TEN years. So tell
“Lonely and Suicidal” that he is not alone. There’s no shortage of women where
I live, but I’m either completely invisible to them or they see me as a “friend.”
There is no rhyme or reason to it. The fact is that women are attracted to assholes,
and by the time they “grow up,” they’re usually in pretty sad shape, figuratively
Worse Off Than You
Thanks for sharing, WOTY.
I just wanted to let “Lonely and Suicidal” know that he is right about some
things. Yes, women in the Bay Area are shallow and full of themselves. I have
an old car (a 1980 Chrysler LeBaron), and have been dumped twice because of
these wheels. But there is always room for self-improvement. Maybe mountain
biking or running might be better for LAS, but tell him to take up some active
hobby. After surfing for six months, I’ve finally started to see some sexual
Thanks for sharing, HC.
“Lonely and Suicidal” really needs to hear from a hetero woman about what
he is doing wrong: LAS sounds crazy, desperate, and driven by rage. That is
not any woman’s idea of sexy. That he calls all women “inherently self-destructive,
lying, shallow whores” suggests that LAS is a guy with some issues about women.
Frankly, LAS sounds like he’d rather chop me up into bite-size pieces and store
me in his freezer than fuck me.
I would strongly recommend “Lonely and Suicidal” get himself laid somehow,
even if he has to pay for it. Like halitosis, the stench of desperation is obvious
to everyone around him, even if he can’t smell it. After LAS finds a hooker, he
should forgive his mother, and drop his pathetic “I haven’t been laid in four
years” schtick. Geography will not help him. He needs to fix his personality.
Green Bay Babe
P.S. I happen to live in Wisconsin, and I don’t appreciate you trying to
pawn some nut off on our state.
Did you get the impression that LAS has issues with women? I didn’t get that impression. Of course, had I gotten that impression, I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it, for fear of my life. I probably would run LAS’ letter without comment, hoping a reader would write in and point out that LAS has issues with women. If LAS had issues with women, I mean. Which, of course, he doesn’t.
But, GBB, you’re wrong about one thing: There are women out there who apparently find “crazy, desperate, and rage-driven” men attractive. Read on.
Call me crazy, call me co-dependent, but… I’d like to talk to “Lonely
and Suicidal.” Not all women are self-destructive, lying, shallow whores, and
not all women reject people for the fun of it. I know you’re not a matchmaking
service, but please tell Mr. Lonely and Suicidal that there’s a cute, intelligent,
23-year-old female who wants his e-mail address.
Crazy Little Bay Area Girl
Thanks for sharing, CLBAG.
I am writing in reaction to the letter from “Lonely and Suicidal,” who openly
threatened you. I don’t really know what moved you to publish this man’s letter,
but he sounded dangerous. Losing you to someone like that would be a real heartbreaker,
since your column is the first thing I turn to in our local lefty rag.
Fret not, Sebastian. LAS can’t possibly harm Dan Savage because there is no such person as Dan Savage. Like Betty Crocker or Diane Sawyer, Dan Savage is a fictional corporate mascot. The management of Savage Love, Inc. would like to thank you for taking the time to write. Your letter has been forwarded to the appropriate department.
If LAS wants to meet a woman who can appreciate his better qualities, why
is he going to bars? Most women in bars only want to have flings with exciting
“bad boy” creeps. LAS should try to meet nice girls in nice places. Try the
library, or an adult-education class, or walking a dog on a popular jogging
trail. Sorry to go Ann Landers on you, Dan.
Thanks for writing, Gena, but I have to disagree with you about meeting people
in bars. After reading a year’s worth of wholesome how-we-met stories in my
old college roommate Ann Landers’ fine advice column, I recently asked Savage
Love readers to write in and share their stories of meeting their true loves
under less-than-wholesome circumstances. The mail has been pouring in, and the
next four Savage Loves will be dedicated to these sleazy-meetings stories. And
guess what, Gena? Many of my readers met their true loves shitfaced drunk in
bars! Tune in next week for all the gory details.