Shit Flurries

...much nailed exactly how I feel about Mr. Watkins and his ilk. Keep up the fabulous work Mark …and these… THANK YOU THANK YOU. You’ve restored my sagging confidence in my fellow gay men. Blayne in Philly How about publicizing the name of the organization Seth Watkins works for, so that next time they hit someone up for cash donations, people aren’t so ready to open their checkbooks? Tom & Erik Believe it or not, Mr. Watkins works for the AIDS office at the San Francisco Department of Public Health. While SF taxpayers can’t avoid making donations to their public health department, they can share their thoughts on HIV prevention by calling the SF Department of Public Health at (415) 554-9000. While the expected shit blizzard didn’t materialize, we did get some shit flurries here at Savage Love. Like this one… Could it be that your rant against Seth Watkins is intended more to promote your own notoriety than to save lives? Throughout the AIDS epidemic, fear-based prevention messages have only been partially effective. They fail to address the complex underlying factors that make people vulnerable to HIV. To understand what makes gay men vulnerable to the HIV infection requires a better awareness of factors that contribute to our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Self-righteousness does very little to prevent HIV infection. Glen Hillson British Columbia Persons With AIDS Society When anyone objects to irresponsible HIV-positive gay men infecting other gay men, the AIDS organizations and professional HIV-positive homos out there always wanna change the subject. We can’t talk about the idiotic behavior of some HIV-positive guys, they insist, until after we address all the complex underlying factors that make men vulnerable to HIV infection, like depression, loneliness, low self-esteem, safe-sex fatigue…. With all due respect, Glen, fuck your complex underlying factors–and don’t change the subject. I wanna talk about gay men who infect other gay men with HIV. Like a lot of HIV-positive guys, you would no doubt prefer to discuss HIV-negative gay men who take foolish risks (“To understand what makes gay men vulnerable to HIV infection…”). And why wouldn’t you? Changing the subject to stupid negative guys is a good way to get irresponsible HIV-positive guys off the hook. But not this week. If it’s any comfort, Glen, all the HIV prevention educators in North America seem to be in agreement with you. They’re not blaming, they’re not shaming–and it’s not working. HIV infection rates among gay men continue to rise despite the millions of dollars spent every year on blame- and shame-free HIV prevention campaigns. I’m not advocating fear-based prevention campaigns, Glen, but truth-based campaigns: HIV-negative guys who take stupid risks and get themselves infected have only themselves to blame; HIV-positive guys who infect other gay men ought to be ashamed of themselves. You know, everyone in the advice biz kicks the crap out of straight guys who say, “Hey, if she lets me fuck her without protection and I get her pregnant, well, that’s her problem.” From Ann Landers to the lowliest high-school guidance counselor, we advice-givers are always telling young straight girls that these guys are users and losers and assholes. We order women not to sleep with them, and we tell these men that they’re assholes. Color me self-righteous, but I don’t see much difference between some straight asshole who doesn’t care how many girls he knocks up and some HIV-positive gay asshole who doesn’t care how many guys he infects. HIV-positive gay men who say, “Hey, if he lets me fuck him and I infect him, well, that’s his problem” are users and losers and assholes too, and it’s time for responsible gay men to start calling these assholes on their shit. I’m sick of listening to gay men’s rationalizations and excuses–excuse me, I should say I’m sick of listening to gay men discuss their “complex underlying factors.” Confront an irresponsible HIV-positive guy about his bad behavior and he whines about his depression and his low self-esteem and his loneliness and his safe-sex fatigue. Well, guess what, guys? Your sob stories do not give you the right to infect other guys with HIV. And if you do, your sob stories aren’t going to stop me from pointing out what assholes you are. A depressed, lonely asshole with low self-esteem and safe-sex fatigue is still an asshole. And can we talk about safe-sex fatigue for a second? That pathetic excuse is really getting on my nerves. Yes, gay men are going to have to worry about HIV for the rest of their lives. Yes, gay men are going to have to continue using condoms with casual sex partners forever and ever and ever. Boo hoo hoo. Straight people have had to worry about pregnancy since the dawn of time, and you don’t hear them whining about “birth-control fatigue.” Smart, sexually active straight people take a few reasonable precautions until they get a good thing going with someone regular and reliable, and then they throw away their condoms. So lifelong condom usage during casual and/or anonymous sexual encounters is not some horrible burden that gay men alone have to bear. It’s a fact of life for all responsible sexually active adults, gay and straight. And even after there’s a vaccine against HIV or a cure for AIDS, smart people will continue to use condoms with their casual or brand-new sex partners, to protect themselves from all the other bugs out there, known and unknown. Finally, Glen, I’m not trying to save any lives. HIV infection is no longer a death sentence in North America, so preventing new infections among urban gay men isn’t really about saving lives, is it? And if I wanted to “promote [my] own notoriety,” I wouldn’t bore my mostly straight readership to death with these long, involved debates about gay male stupidity, would I? I’d stick to fart jokes. letters@savagelove.net