I am a straight male who just got back from Carnival in Rio. I went with a few friends from work. We had a blast. Actually, it may have been too much fun. One night I drank too much and ended up getting into a conversation with one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen… or so I thought. She/he/it (whatever I’m supposed to use) was actually a transvestite. At the time, this didn’t bother me. I loved the double-D tits in my face. She/he was wearing a thong and had a beautiful ass, and her/his face was stunning–so stunning that, in addition to participating in a lap dance, I ended up meeting her/him later. I don’t know why I did this. I think it was to fulfill my curiosity and find out if I was at all interested in men. And it made...
Want to read the rest? Subscribe now to get every question, every week, the complete Savage Love archives, special events, and much more!
...if I was at all interested in men. And it made it easier because she was mostly woman. Ultimately, I couldn’t perform; there was something about her NINE-INCH COCK that put me off. It was kind of in the way… so I just received a blowjob.
Now my questions come in. I feel a little jilted; will this pass? Also, is there a strong possibility of contracting an STD? I would imagine that a transvestite in Brazil who gives random American guys blowjobs for free is, uh, highly active, sexually speaking. I’ve been reading your column for about four years and I love it. Now I need your input.
What a Dummy
Let’s get the STD issue out of the way first: The odds of contracting an STD from a lap-dance-givin’, tourist-blowin’ tranny in Rio are probably pretty high–they’re probably sky-fucking-high, so here’s hoping the head was good. I would advise you to set your personal STD terror alert status at code orange, WAD, and act accordingly. Like Tom Ridge is always telling us, “Don’t panic, but remain alert.” Keep an eye on your dick–sores? burning sensations? falling off?–and even if no symptoms appear, go get tested for absolutely everything sometime soon.
As for your other issues…
You claim to feel “jilted.” I’m not sure what you mean by that. Did the nice lady with the NINE-INCH COCK leave you for another tourist? Or did you want the nice lady with the NINE-INCH COCK to come back with you and be your wife? Or by “jilted” do you mean, “I GOT HEAD FROM A DUDE AND I’M FREAKING OUT!”? If you’re freaked out, rest assured that it will pass. You took a walk on the wild side and got yourself some head under a unique set of circumstances. Luckily for you, WAD, the nice lady with the NINE-INCH COCK was not your next-door neighbor, a coworker, or your girlfriend’s younger brother. Since the nice lady with the NINE-INCH COCK is on one continent and you’re on another, it’s extremely unlikely that you will ever see the nice lady with the NINE-INCH COCK again. That should make putting the whole pleasurable business behind you that much easier.
Now unless you have a burning desire to do this again–and some “straight” guys do this sort of thing again and again, and most pay dearly for the privilege–you’re not queer. The nice lady with the NINE-INCH COCK turned your crank, it’s true, but she turned it with the fake tits, the girlish ass, the beautiful face, and not–not, not, not–the cock. She presented herself as a woman, and you responded to that. Which means you’re still the man.
I’ve been seeing this older man (he’s 41) for about four months now. His kink is to watch me have sex with other men, and then humiliate him by having him lick their come off me. Because I’m young (19) and adventurous, and because I like this man very much, I’ve indulged his fantasy a half-dozen times. But the more I do it, the queasier I get. He likes to think of me as his slut; I think I’m a good girl at heart, but I play the game because I just want to please my man. I want to stop picking up strange guys, to move in another direction, but he’s threatened to leave me if I stop being his slut. He tells me he can only be with a slut. I think I love him, and I want to make him happy. What should I do?
Some Lost Uninhibited Teenager
If you’ve had sex with seven guys–six of them one-nighters–in four months, you’re not playing a slut, SLUT; you are a slut. Which would be fine, I suppose, if this were your fantasy too and you loved it every bit as much as this 41-year-old creep. But it’s not your fantasy, SLUT, and you don’t love it. Can’t you see what’s going on? You’re being used and manipulated by an older man–a man who is exploiting your youth, your inexperience, and your feelings for him so that you’ll indulge him in his freaked-out fantasies. I’m generally in favor of older people exploiting younger and less experienced people–but on one very important condition: The older person shouldn’t do any harm to the younger person. Sexually active young people need to be treated like campsites–i.e., they should be left in better shape than they were found.
In your case, SLUT, I don’t think your 41-year-old lover is going to leave you in better shape than he found you. They’re his fantasies, but you’re the one running the big physical and emotional risks. If anyone is going to wind up pregnant or raped or infected or emotionally devastated, it’s you. And I’m sorry, but any 41-year-old who turns to a 19-year-old for these kinds of kicks isn’t exactly LTR material. You’re not the first girl he’s talked into this, SLUT, and you won’t be the last. You can salvage your self-respect and your “good girl” status by ending this relationship yourself, and ending it now.
I hope this e-mail doesn’t get lost in a crowd of “You’ve got to be kidding me!” or “I’ll do it for her!” responses to the letter in your column from the woman who wants a black eye. I’m a straight guy who has the same desires. For a long time, I have been trying to find others who share this particular kink. There’s no doubt about it, it’s not something that should be done with any great frequency, and I’m more interested in finding others who are into it than I am into doing it often. So far, I have met one or two people who want to watch. A good friend helped me start a Yahoo group about three weeks ago (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bruiseplay), but I’m not sure how to find the right audience for it. It seems like people with this kink are few and far between, and people who have it are not likely to know many others who share it. How do you get a community together when no one who’s into this is open about it?
Punch Me Too
How do you get a community going, PMT? You write me, I publish your letter, and with any luck your newsgroup takes off.
Write to Dan!
Got a relationship problem? A burning sex question? A burning… sensation?
Dan’s been giving advice and been tapping the best sex researchers, educators, and scientists for more than three decades!