As an avid reader of your column, I thought of you and only you for help with this problem. My grandmother, 78 and widowed, is a kind, generous woman who has seen her share of difficult times. She is a bit offbeat, but extremely conservative and religious. After my grandfather passed on, she purchased a lively little parakeet and named him Pretty Baby. Pretty Baby has provided wonderful companionship and entertainment for my grandmother, even learning to speak to her. Pretty is an amazing mimic, repeating phrases she has taught him: “I love you,” “lock the door!”, “give me kisses,” etc.
The problem is the kissing… or what I recently witnessed the kissing leads to. One evening Pretty began to squawk “give me kisses, give me kisses” and my grandmother walked over to the cage and slipped one finger between the bars. Pretty Baby proceeded to “kiss” her fingernail and flutter about. She purred, “Give Grandma...