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Struggle Session: Sam Smith’s Brand New Video, Old-Timey Winged Dicks, About Those Nuts, and More!

I talked about Sam Smith’s new music video at the top of this week’s Lovecast and the notable—even if I was the only person who noted it—absence of larger dancers from the gyrating selection of potential new lovers humping the floor in front of the non-binary pop star. Richard says…

Love the Weather Girls! It’s Raining Men was, is, and always will be a seminal anthem of gay joy and liberation, right up there with YMCA, Go West, They Don’t Know, Somewhere, I Will Survive, You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real), and We’re a Couple of Misfits. But I was talking about featured dancers in the video, not the singer/songwriter—the eye candy, not the star.

More on that intro...

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...t="utf-8"> Love the Weather Girls! It’s Raining Men was, is, and always will be a seminal anthem of gay joy and liberation, right up there with YMCA, Go West, They Don’t Know, Somewhere, I Will Survive, You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real), and We’re a Couple of Misfits. But I was talking about featured dancers in the video, not the singer/songwriter—the eye candy, not the star. More on that intro from a following on Instagram… Bravo on the Sam Smith dissection/introduction, Dan. Fully crystalized what I’d been feeling but not yet thought through or articulated. Hypocrisy in the marketing beautifully called out. Would disagree, however, about the song itself. Absolute dogshit. I have no opinion about the song itself, as dance/pop/club music does nothing for me. So, I can’t distinguish between what’s bad, what’s good, what’s great, and what’s dogshit. But I will say this: it seemed strange to open a brand new pop song with a catchphrase that’s more than a dozen years old (but still sings because Ru makes it work!) and to use something complete assholes have been saying on reality TV competitions to rationalize their worst assholery for the last 25 years (“I’m not here to make friends!”) as the title for your new pop song. But, again, I know nothing about pop music. And whatever Sam Smith is doing, it’s clearly working. They is a rich and famous pop star, I is a lowly advice monger. Speaking of Drag Race… Shameless self promotion: I’ve been trying to figure out the Drag Race theme song, and I realized it’s just a diminished chord. You can listen to the short version of Kent at the piano improvising on the Drag Race theme here. The long version is here. Both versions are beautiful — thank you for sharing, Kent! In that same intro I said that Kim Petras was the first trans woman to win a Grammy. Whoops… @fakedansavage girl… pic.twitter.com/R5hvxmGkMQ — are the straights ok? (@loves2napabunch) February 7, 2023 I should’ve checked with my husband first, as he’s a huge Wendy Carlos fan and he could’ve saved me from making that mistake. For the record: Petras is the first openly trans woman to win a Grammy, but Carlos was the first trans woman to win a Grammy. Three of them, in fact. Take it away, Fader… Petras’ win deserves all the fanfare it’s getting today. But as we celebrate her achievement, let’s also honor Wendy Carlos, who won three Grammys in 1970 for her debut album Switched-On Bach, nine years before coming out as trans. Born in Rhode Island in 1939, Carlos studied physics at Brown and music composition at Columbia. While living in New York, she met Robert Moog and aided in the development of the Moog synthesizer, which revolutionized the music world…. [In] October 1968, she released her first album, Switched-On Bach. The record, which comprises 12 short pieces by Bach performed on a Moog modular synth, was a massive hit, peaking at number 10 on the Billboard 200 and remaining at number one on the Classical Albums chart for three years. In 1970, the Recording Academy honored Carlos with three awards: Best Classical Album, Best Engineered Classical Recording, and Best Classical Performance by an Instrumental Soloist. Petras’ speech, in case you missed it, is here. In last week’s Struggle Session I asked if anyone out there had actually tried Ohnuts (not to be confused with Oh!Nuts) and, if so, what you thought. Did these sex toys/aids work as advertised? Well, the reviews are in and they are glowing… I’m also a fan of Ohnuts! I’ve only used them with strap-ons, so I can’t speak to the sensation of wearing them. I have a very short cervix and don’t enjoy having my cervix hit and using Ohnuts requires much less effort than me or my wife manually controlling the depth of penetration. Another… My last partner and I used OhNuts for rougher oral sessions. Helped quite a bit because we both loved the kink aspect of face-fucking but her gag reflex was really bad. Can’t speak to their use for any other orifices but they were not uncomfortable and didn’t diminish the sensation. And another… We got a set of Ohnuts after hearing you talk about them on the Lovecast. They’re great! My Miss likes when I use a strapon on her, but most dildos that have the girth she likes are too long for her comfort. The Ohnut lets me pound away without worrying about going too deep and she says she’s not even aware it’s there. Last week I advised a caller who really, really, really needed some diiiiiiiick that they would have to do something proactive—get online, go out, hang a shingle, send up a flare, something—because dicks don’t have wings and can’t fly in through an open window. Well, as it turns out, there are winged dicks out there. Michael points us to them… “A winged dick won’t fly into your house.” Okay, but have you tried wearing a medieval winged penis badge? Or tried growing your own penis bushes? And there’s at least one place where you can get a winged penis of your very own. Speaking of dick: a married-to-woman male caller to the Lovecast wanted to have his first same-sex experience—he wanted some dick to fly up us ass—but he was nervous and scared. Another married-to-a-woman male listener who was recently impaled (from the sound of things) wrote in… The caller who was greatly wanting a penis to poke him but was nervous, resonated with me. I’m married but very curious. Like the caller, I was worried about size and not really wanting the full romantic experience. I met this young gay man via the internet and we developed quite a friendship over more than a year. Of course, the conversation often drifted into him asking when he could do me. Well, it happened. What stood out was that he was very experienced, very gentle, and he talked me through it. His penis was huge, but with the right technique (and a lot of lube), it felt wonderful. So caller, above all, find a guy who understands your fears and can guide you through that first experience. Good luck! Speaking of taking something huge: a very hot doctor who listens to the show—and who appreciates my advocacy for insertable sex toys with flared bases—sent along this link to a Reddit post about someone who didn’t get the flared base memo. (But did get the trip to the ER.) My doctor friend asked if “without a base, without a trace,” an expression someone used in the comments, was something I’d ever said on the show. It’s not, Dr. Hot, but it’s definitely something I’m going to start saying. Also adding “flaring is caring” to my list! More thoughts for the woman of color in a recently opened marriage who was distressed that her white husband was only matching with white women… There is one thing the Asian woman who was upset that her White boyfriend was only matched with White women had not considered, and that didn’t come up in your response. These apps are about matches—as in, the other person has to choose you too. I have a friend who is Black but open to any race, and 95% of her matches are Black men because many of the White, Latino and Asian men have their settings such that they don’t get fed Black women or don’t choose to match with them. So his matches could be just as much a function of the preferences of Asian women who aren’t choosing to match with him as it is that he is seeking out only White women! I didn’t get to the spy balloon discourse/circus/shitshow in the column or on the show. But after reading this tweet… China claims the balloon over the northern United States is a civilian weather balloon that was blown off course. — Mike Sington (@MikeSington) February 3, 2023 …I advised straight men everywhere to adopt “blown off course” as an excuse when they get caught cheating. Recent Sex & Politics guest Dr. Sarah Parcak demonstrated how that excuse can be used in a sentence: Wife: You said you were golfing Husband: Technically I was blown off course — Dr. Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace) February 3, 2023 And finally… apropos of nothing in particular… in my experience only people who REALLY REALLY REALLY wanna suck dicks, go to gay weddings, and possibly get gay married themselves have to promise their pastors not to suck dicks, go to gay weddings, and get gay married themselves. (Also, pastors who make you promise not to suck dicks are just trying to eliminate the competition.) And while everyone was talking about Leonardo DiCaprio (48-year-old movie star) and the woman who might be his new girlfriend (19-year-old model Eden Polani)… I found myself wondering what Gen Z, Twitter, and the age-gap discourse fans would make of this relationship.

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