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Struggle Session: The Succession Finale, The Underpants Wars, The Height Issue, and More!

Hey, everybody — welcome to the first post-shoulder-surgery Struggle Session. Typing is still a bit of a challenge, which is why this Struggle Session is going up so late in the day. And my comments will be brief. This week I’m mostly here to listen.

Regarding the caller on this week’s Lovecast who didn’t want to date short men but didn’t want to hurt the feelings of guys who didn’t meet her minimum height requirements…

It’s considerate of this Height Queen to want to protect the fragile male egos of us shorties. (I’m 5 foot 8.) And I appreciate that you talked her through her sensitivity and advised her to be straightforward. But I think you came up short. When you told her to bring up the height issue in a “courteous” way, I believe that’s the wrong advice. Because she’s a sensitive person, reluctant to offend anyone, and afraid of appearing shallow, I fear that she’ll wait until late in...

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...courteous” way, I believe that’s the wrong advice. Because she’s a sensitive person, reluctant to offend anyone, and afraid of appearing shallow, I fear that she’ll wait until late in the convo to breach the subject.I advise saying in the top line of your profile: “I’m 5’8”.  I only date men who are 5’9” or taller.” (Or whatever her cutoff is.) Please, please, please, do not worry about protecting my fragile male ego. I’m 5’8”. Yes, that means I’m a tiny little person. It does NOT mean I’m a baby. I’m a grown man. This is just as tall as I get. Emotionally, I am fully mature, and can actually handle reading a dating app profile that says 5’8” is too short for you. Like Dan said, I’ll find somebody else. Could you imagine if gay men all felt this way? If no gay dude would date a guy who was shorter than he was, gay dudes couldn’t date. I mean, a gay dude may meet a guy who’s taller than he is but that guy won’t date anyone who’s shorter than he is… gay men would go extinct. I never said what FLNR’s kink was — I said it wasn’t bisexuality, which isn’t a kink (except when it is), and doesn’t mean someone isn’t, contra FLNR, “a real man” — but everyone in the comment thread leapt to the same assumption. Say Jleigh… I do my best to keep my mind open — or at least my judgment in reserve — when it comes to the tastes and kinks of others, as long as they don’t harm anyone. But I have a real, deep, visceral horror of poop anywhere in the sexual arena. To paraphrase the novelist Jonathan Franzen in a harrowing passage where his character must rifle through his own to retrieve a wedding ring he had inadvertently swallowed: “It was so foul as to be almost morally evil.” Says Matthew… Judging by the excellent Joe Newton illustration depicting a smiling poo — and the fact that poop-related scat porn truly IS disgusting — I assumed it was poop porn as well. And poop is ALWAYS no bueno for me when it comes to sex. No exceptions, EVER. Says Zeedraak… I once saw a hot guy in porn, with beautiful feet, googled him to see more of his feet and one of the first pictures of him was one of a scat porn movie. Apparently it is less of a niche than I had hoped for, as I really didn’t want to see that. But yes, I will never say ‘that is that hot guy from a scat porn movie’. Even admitting I am into feet is too much of an embarrassment. A thing for feet is nothing to be ashamed of! Unless you get off on the shame of it all, of course, in which case lean into the shame. And speaking of poop-adjacent bodily fluids… I have a young protege in Cambodia named Nya who is my online assistant. He needs to get a real job, and I’ve been helping him put together a resume to distribute. I’m a lawyer, and I use Microsoft Word all the time. Despite my endless, acrimonious battles with Microsoft Word, tonight I stumbled upon a spelling correction that may have made the whole thing worth it. The underpants debate continues… To add my opinion to the discussion about changing your underwear. I don’t care of Dan’s private parts always small of sandalwood, it is a fact that the human body emits flatuence about twenty times every day, wether the individual is aware of it or not. I would not want to become entangled in my partner’s underwear, after he has farted about once every hour for the past day. When I was a freshman in college, as I ran out of underwear, I had a decision, to either do laundry or buy more underwear. I created a habit of owning far too many pairs, so I did not have to do laundry so frequently. Not that I ever planned or expected to go down on you, Dan, please put on a fresh pair of underwear after you have farted in it for a day. And… Perplexed about @fakedansavage take that you don’t need to change your underwear daily. Are we showering and putting the old underwear back on? Do we poop and wear the same underwear for another 24 hours? Thought the point was you can wear pants more than once. So many questions — bryan (@bryanthemusical) June 1, 2023 Okay, when someone gives someone a blowjob, it’s dick they’re putting in their mouth, not underpants. Right? And does anyone out there change their underwear after each and every poop? Really? Because that would mean changing your underpants at least twice a day. And I’m sorry, but if there’s poop in your underpants after you’ve taken a crap — or if someone offers you a blowjob and you stuff your underpants in their mouth and not your dick — you’re doing it wrong. Last word on underpants — at least I hope it’s the last word — goes to Zoftig: Since the underwear debate is still going… I’m with Dan that in life in general, if you do a look see and your underwear is fine, there doesn’t have to be a strict 24 hour maximum. *But* if you are doing anything that you hope will result in having sex, change your damn underwear! And shower before you leave your house! And if it’s been some time, give yourself that quick freshen up! I mean, my god people, if I’m getting my legs waxed and know it will be a while between my shower and the appointment, I bring an extra pair of underwear with me to change into right before the appointment (and some wipes to freshen things up if it’s summer and I may have gotten sweaty). It’s only polite. Regarding the opening to this week’s Lovecast… Your rant this week attempting to debunking the crackpot notion that LGBTQI+ people are running the Republican Party might have been a poor approach. It would be better to spread the story that gays run the Republican Party. Republicans would likely lose many more votes, from conservatives, than they’d gain from those few LGBTQI+ people who believed the story. Regarding Kendall, Roman, Shiv, and Connor… Hey, Dan! So as you know, the Succession finale aired this weekend! I would so love to hear your thoughts on the finale, this season, the show as a whole, what’s going on with Roman’s mental/sexual health, etc. Whatever you wanna talk about! If you are tweeting or elsewhere sharing your thoughts online, please let me know 😉 I had to record last week’s intro on Sunday afternoon, before the finale aired, so I wasn’t even able to work in so much as an aside or even a sly reference about the show — which I loved, and watched religiously. But I have to say… as much as I enjoyed the finale… I was a little underwhelmed. (I know, I know: everyone else loved it. Please don’t cancel me.) At the end of the penultimate episode, Roman was being beaten in the streets by people out protesting the stolen presidential election — an election stolen by Roman and ATN. It seemed to me that after four seasons of battling over who would wind up controlling Waystar/Royco, political events set in motion by the wealthy, thoughtless, and cosseted members of the Roy family were going to overtake them. Instead we got another boardroom battle and another vote, this time with a hapless Kendall at the head of the table instead of a snarling Logan, and we once again saw Kendall get his ass handed to him. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoyed it, the writing was amazing, the actors were amazing. But the second-to-last episode made it look like the Roys, blinded by their own privilege, were headed toward an iceberg, an iceberg in the form of the president-elect (that they themselves president-elected), and I was hoping to see  what would happen when Kendall, Roman, Shiv, et al, slammed into that iceberg. Dan, have you yet heard the sexy new jam by Jason Mraz that uses GGG in the lyrics? He’s a regular listener and magnum subscriber and was inspired by you in the writing of this song. Check it out! I hadn’t heard it — thanks for sending along! Regarding the Lovecast caller whose husband is fat: There’s all sorts of fat.  A partner who’s a bit paunchy is a very different thing from a partner with a pendulous abdomen that normally obscures his penis and has to be hefted out of the way. Everything is a spectrum. So, regarding that thing I said during an interview I gave more than a dozen years and hundreds of podcasts and hundreds of columns ago… I just finished watching the 2011 documentary, “(A)sexual.” I don’t mean what I’m about to say as an attack, or in any mean-spirited way whatsoever. I am writing to you because I’ve always appreciated and respected you as an advocate and ally for the GLBTQ community. This is why I was so very surprised to see your comments in that film. I would have never imagined you to be so misinformed and close-minded about asexuality, but it certainly appears that you were back in 2011, egregiously so. This message comes to you because it pains me to see it. I hope very much that your understanding of asexuality has evolved in the time since you appeared in that film. I believe you to be an important ally and highly respected source of information on such matters. You sir have the power to help people who are all too often misunderstood and maligned. I’ve had so much more to say about asexuality since then and I’ve written so much more about the subject since then. And when given a chance to speak about asexuality on big, national platforms, I’ve seized that chance and had things like this to say… What would you say is the biggest thing you’ve changed your mind about in the 30 years you’ve been writing the column? Oh my God, so many things. I used to be a male bisexuality skeptic, and now I’m a believer. I was dubious about asexuality when that first began to be really kind of publicly addressed and discussed. And now, you know, I get it. Asexuality is a sexual orientation and a valid one and an important one for people to talk about so that people who are asexual don’t feel like they’re broken so they can name it and know who they are. As Michael McFaul, political scientist and former U.S. Ambassador to Russia, put it on Twitter… If you have not changed your view on something in the last 3 decades, but just making the same old arguments, you are not learning anymore. — Michael McFaul (@McFaul) May 27, 2023 My followers on Facebook had a raucous debate about the woman wondering if it’s okay for her to ask a guy his height before agreeing to a date (because she only likes tall men). Says Teyha… Just my opinion, but she may want to shine a light on where the preference came from and challenge why it’s such a deal breaker… If it’s the internalization of a societal norm, then maybe try dating some shorter men that she is compatible with in other ways to see if there is potential. If it’s an absolutely hardwired thing, then she should disclose that she’s only interested in taller guys. The onus should not be on the men. Says Emma… I think women would care less about men being taller than them if we hadn’t constantly been made to feel like we can’t take up space. Being small as a woman is the only option and therefore we feel like a freak with a man who is smaller. Blame the game not the player. Says Lisa… Given how hard it is to find someone you even want to date online I think it’s bad form to ask in advance, unless she wants to open the door to guys demanding to know her height weight and measurements in advance. If you go on a date with someone and their lack of height is a deal breaker then so be it, but find that out in person. It’s a dating app not Amazon. Says Amethyst… It really bothers me that sexual preferences other than gender are rarely respected as important preferences. I would not want to be partnered with someone who wasn’t excited about me. I’m sure these guys wouldn’t want that, either. There are billions of people in the world. Can we stop encouraging people to spend time on other people that they aren’t excited about and just accept all sexual preferences as valid? It would save so many people so much time and energy. Says Belle… I had a hard, hard height requirement when I was younger. I am 5’7” for reference, tallish for a woman. I went through a phase of dating men who were all 6’3”, including a terrible marriage. I got over my height insistence in my 40’s and have been SO glad that I did. (Cue song: “A Whole New World.”) Okay, everyone — thanks for your comments, thanks for reading and listening, and thanks for being Magnum Subs. It’s good to be back. See you next week!

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