I am away for my birthday… extra musical theater queen points to anyone who can guess where I am based on this photo…
Yeah, somewhere in my youth or childhood…
So, like I said, I’m away for my birthday, so no responses to comments this week. Which means the people in this thread who seem to have misunderstood and/or misapprehended and/or misread (sorry: misheard) the point I was making in this week’s intro will have to wait for a longer response. But short version: I wasn’t not comparing (and did not compare) choosing to take anon loads in a hotel to being the victim of a gang rape in a frat house. If that was your takeaway, please listen again. (Whyla gets it.)
Okay, here’s this week’s letter…
You recently answered a question on the Lovecast from a caller who was pressuring their partner to get a tattoo removed. I’m writing with the opposite question: Am I the asshole for not wanting my fiancé to get a tattoo at all?
I have PTSD/CPTSD from medical trauma and a severe needle phobia, and for whatever reason tattoos (even other people’s! even not new!) got caught in the nexus of badness. Seeing other peoples’ existing tattoos (just like seeing a Bloodmobile) makes me noticeably queasy.
Trying to have a conversation with him about his tattoo dreams ends in me lying on the ground with my feet in the air so that I don’t pass the fuck out. I also get flashbacks and nightmares afterwards. My fiancé would like me to go to therapy so he can get a tattoo and have me tolerate it. Dan, over my life I have gone to two different therapists and tried three different treatment modalities (CBT, EMDR, and something EMDR-adjacent) to try to cope with this. It’s gotten to the point where I can mostly tolerate needles in medical settings if I dissociate or distract myself thoroughly during the process, and even then I suffer through 1-2 weeks of nightmares and flashbacks. Even going to therapy (and getting home from therapy) for this is tricky because of the nightmares, flashbacks, and passing the fuck out that comes from these sessions.
So, is my fiancé the asshole for wanting me to go to therapy so he can get a tattoo? Is there a happy future where I’m dissociating while trying to enjoy my lover’s body?
Thinking About Tattoos Sucks
Advice for TATS? Opinion about who the asshole is here? Drop it in the comments…