Struggle Session: Used Sex Toys, Twink Pop Stars, Short Answers, and More…

...p://disq.us/p/2v41etr">Johann… Oh dear, the straights, again. Look, as a gay fist top (and broke grad student) my toys are getting reused. And so are all of my bottoms’ toys. That’s hundreds or even thousands of dollars worth of toys! We could not possibly bring ourselves to care that they wouldn’t be the first bottom ever to take my Chute 100 and dick (highly recommended btw). And re Troye… 🥵😏 Says LarryStone007: Interested to see if you think the “sex toys can only be used by meeeeeeeeee!” thing is more a straight dude or a straight woman thing. I imagine the latter? Based on the letters and calls I’ve received over the years… An aversion to reusing sex toys that saw action in previous relationships — particularly the most recent previous relationship — seems to be a lesbian thing more often than not. Which is remarkable, considering that lesbians are a much smaller percentage of the population. But lesbian couples are far likelier to use sex toys (dildos, harnesses, vibrators) than straight couples are, so perhaps it stands to reason that the issue — used sex toys — would come up more. When a straight man objects to a sex toy it’s usually a vibrator and the issue isn’t that this particular vibrator saw action with an ex, but that a vibrator — any vibrator — needs to be used at all. As for gay men… I’ve never received a letter or a call from a gay man who wanted his new boyfriend to throw away a dildo (or butt plug or sling or whatever) that saw action in a previous relationship. In my own personal experience, gay guys are likelier to be turned on by the thought that your Chute 100 has been in other guys than turned off by it. And speaking of Troye… So, about the controversy: One could argue that the sidelining of larger bodies in the video for Sam Smith’s “I’m Not Here To Make Friends” is more problematic than the absence of larger bodies from Troye Sivan’s video for “Rush.” (I discussed Smith’s video in the intro to Episode 850 of the Savage Lovecast.) And as someone pointed out on Twitter — I should’ve bookmarked it, I didn’t, I’m sorry I can’t credit the OP — no one gave Kylie Minogue any shit about the lack of larger bodies in her video for “Padam Padam,” the almost-but-not-quite gay song of the summer. So why is Troye getting grief and being forced to apologize? Are gay artists held to a higher standard or a double standard? (Also, I’m surprised there’s been no commentary about the trough urinal everyone is dancing around. And what did that guy do with that lighter anyway?) A gay guy wondered if he was an outlier because he wasn’t interested in sucking a dick that had just been in his ass or anyone else’s ass. Skinner hopped on Twitter to say… I’m a gay man and I fucking hate butt sex! I suspect that many guys who believe they like butt sex don’t but partake of it because of social pressures. I’ve known quite a few gay men who’ve had sort of fissures or other sort of pretty serious health problems because they have butt sex. And like this whole sort of like personality that is like affiliated with what anal sex position you prefer is fucking asinine! There are definitely guys out there — and girls — who’ve gotten hurt during butt sex because they didn’t engage in enough anal foreplay (eat that ass), they didn’t use enough lube to start, they didn’t reapply lube as-needed during, or they were so fucked up on drugs or alcohol or both that they didn’t stop (or reapply) when they needed to stop. Be careful down there. Permanent injuries, however, are rare. Also, I’ve been writing about gay men who don’t have anal sex for literal DECADES, Skinner, and I’ve never suggested that all gay guys must have anal sex. Indeed, I’m constantly reassuring gay guys who don’t like anal that they don’t have to do anal sex if they don’t want to do anal and that they’re not alone: roughly a quarter of gay men don’t have anal intercourse. Anal is an elective, not a requirement — to say nothing of ATM. (Sucking dick, on the other hand…) I also had Dr. Joe Kort, the man who coined the term “sides” to describe gay men who aren’t interested in anal sex, on the Savage Lovecast and we talked about sides as an identity and a community. (Men who prefer outercourse to intercourse — men who aren’t tops or bottoms — are invited to join Dr. Kort’s Facebook group.)  A female reader had a quick question for me: “Any tips for menopausal women who don’t feel like doing IT anymore?” My answer was even quicker: “Outsource.” JoTheCommenter wasn’t pleased… Yes, these are quickies, but this answer is decidedly unhelpful. Outsource what? (The question was not: my partner wants to have sex but I don’t.) On the other hand, the question is rather broad for a quickie response. I’d be interested in some actual advice for the post-menopausal but it would require more specifics from the questioner. Like… do you want to want to have sex? No? Don’t then. Yes? Then get some estrogen lube, get on the apps, or move into one of the more active assisted living places…. (Disclaimer: only examples of possible advice, not necessarily what this person should do.) I think the existence of a partner who wants to have sex can be easily inferred here. NINgirl_Jane agrees… As I understood it, the woman is probably partnered but not interested in sex. I feel like Dan could have provided more options, such as taking PIV or any kind of penetration of her off the table, her providing physical support while he masturbates, or her trying Estrogen creams or other options from her doctor. I understand that Dan believes open relationships should be more heavily considered, but the reality is that most people aren’t going to go down that road. Taking PIV off the menu, exploring outercourse, offering assisted masturbation, and talking to your doctor — advice I’ve given before, advice I agree with, and advice I’ll no doubt give again and at greater length. (It was a Quickies column!) Outsourcing sex (finding sex outside the relationship, hiring sex workers, going to sex clubs, etc.) is also an option that more people should consider. I realize it’s not a road most are willing to go down, but more people should — particularly in cases where one partner/spouse is done with sex, the other partner/spouse is not, and neither wants to leave/divorce. If a hot gay pop star was into pup play if that hot gay pop star wanted to be my pup — two very big ifs — there are better places for me to get a collar and a leash for him the place I mentioned. Says Vennominon: Isn’t Amazon immoral? I was sure Mr. Savage would have paid a personal visit to his favorite feminist-owned-and-operated sex toy establishment. Jo agrees: You don’t even need a sex toy store to get a collar and a leash! Dan should at least run out to the neighborhood pet store before relying on Amazon. Support your local businesses! My followers on Facebook had a few thoughts for the woman who was worried about disclosing recent weight gain to someone who knew them when they were skinnier. Says Meredith… I’ve wondered what would happen if I used photos from when I weighed 300lbs, and then showed up at my current 135. I also had a date with a guy whose photo turned out to be 20 years old. That was not cool. Don’t be using photos from when you’re 30 if you’re 50 now. Says Geoffrey… So many people doing online dating use ancient photos. And wonder why they never get a second date. There are people out there who’ll want you for who you are. But only if you’re honest from the beginning. Says Cheryl… I am an amputee and I always told a person before a first in-person meeting. If it was going to be a big problem, I’d rather find out ahead of time, for both of our sakes. I think the same idea applies for being honest about how you look. If it’s a problem you know early, rather than later. If it’s not, you get to meet and see if you are compatible. And finally… another video clip for the caller whose boyfriend has a vore fetish… View this post on Instagram A post shared by Warren Buffett Fan Page (@warrenbufetts)