My ex-boyfriend was the first man to give me a real orgasm, and he did
it with his tongue. He was extremely unselfish, and would stay down there for
as long as it took me to get off. We broke up three years ago, and in that time
I have had four lovers, all of whom have refused to put in the needed effort.
I actually mustered up the courage to tell the last guy I was with that I hadn’t
come, and he said, “Well, I’ll fuck ya again in a minute.” I tried to explain
that his dick inside me wasn’t what I had in mind, and he got all pissy! What
response do you think I would get if I demanded oral-sex-to-orgasm before intercourse?
How do I put it tactfully that I want my cookie too, dammit?!
Ready to PAY for It
Your need for oral sex is not...
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...want my cookie too, dammit?!
Ready to PAY for It
Your need for oral sex is not some sort of character failing, so don’t present
it to the men you sleep with like it’s an “issue” or even a problem. You require
oral sex to get off, you have every right to expect any man you get off to get
you off. While men’s orgasms are relatively simple and obvious, women’s orgasms
are complicated and subtle. Straight guys depend on women to tell them what
they need; men can’t read minds. Some can’t read, period. If women don’t tell
men what they need, or if women mislead men by faking orgasms, then men can’t
come through for you. That the last man you slept with reacted badly when you
told him what you needed only proves that he was an asshole, not that you were
wrong to tell him.
Once you know what it takes to get you off — and it usually takes some time
for a woman to figure that out — TELL HIM ABOUT IT, INSIST ON IT, DON’T TAKE
NO FOR AN ANSWER. You can tell him, insist, refuse to take no for an answer,
AND be sexy at the same time. The next time you’re seriously flirting with a
guy — a guy you’ll be getting naked with soon — look him deep in the eyes,
give his crotch a squeeze, and tell him in the huskiest voice you can muster
that you’re the kind of girl who need lots of oral attention, lots and lots
of it, in order to get off. Don’t be tactful — be sexy! Keep squeezing his
cock and say, “You wanna get me off, don’t you? You’ll give me what I need,
won’t you? After you get me off, we can do whatever you want, stud, anything
Ninety percent of guys will be so turned on you won’t be able to peel their
tongues off your clit. The 10 percent of guys that won’t be turned on, well,
they aren’t guys you wanna be sleeping with anyway.
My girlfriend has this skanky male friend (who she had sexual
relations with a year ago) who really burns me up. He has made it clear he wants
a relationship with her, even though she’s told him she is seeing me. This chafes
me, and I feel disrespected. Straight men seem to have no respect for lesbian
relationships. She goes over to his house every once in a while to party with
him and his friends, and never comes home until the next day. I am not invited
because he doesn’t like me and I don’t like him. I think that I have a right
to be a little worried that something is going on. Does it sound like I have
a valid reason to be concerned?
Fired up in North Carolina
If your girlfriend is fucking this guy, you have valid and obvious
reasons to be concerned. But even if she’s not fucking this guy, you still
have valid reasons to be concerned. Why is your girlfriend hanging out with
someone who doesn’t like you? Why does she spend so much time with someone who
disrespects her relationship and excludes her girlfriend? If you should be concerned
about anything, you should be concerned about how little your girlfriend seems
to care about your feelings. She shouldn’t want to hang out with this guy!
We can’t ask our friends to like or even approve of our lovers, but we can
demand basic courtesy. My best friend may not like my boyfriend, but he recognizes
that my boyfriend gives me things he cannot — blowjobs, credit card debt, rope
burns — and makes an effort to make nice with my boyfriend. If this asshole
can’t treat you with respect, your girlfriend shouldn’t have anything to do
I met a girl in an Internet chat room, we met in person,
and now we’ve been dating for a month. The problem is her job. She is gone during
the week and I only see her on the weekends. I want her with me more. The price
I pay for our relationship is depression five days a week, followed by two days
of bliss. How can I handle this situation?
Five Days Alone
Don’t be such a fucking crybaby. Guys looking for women in chat rooms spend
most of their time talking to gay men pretending to be horny 18-year-old girls,
or more perilously, police officers pretending to be horny 13-year-old girls.
That you chatted with and then met an actual WOMAN — a woman who wanted to
fuck you even after she saw you! — is more luck than most men lurking in chat
rooms ever have! You’re only getting it twice a week? Boo-fucking-hoo. Chat
rooms are full of 40-year-old guys who haven’t had it twice in their lives.
Hello from a boy who skateboards (a “skater-boy”). I’m writing
to help out the lovely lady who wrote in asking how she could meet skater-boys.
Your advice, as usual, was hilarious but not helpful. The woman in question
should go to a skatepark. She’ll get more attention than she’ll know what to
do with. Many skateboarders are anti-social, awkward, and not in the least able
to talk to women, but there are certainly enough exceptions that a park full
of us will provide many contacts. Many of us older skater-boys, as a bonus,
have given up baggy pants and bad haircuts and now take showers on a regular
basis and have good jobs. And there are Internet bulletin boards on skateboarding
— women who post get huge responses.
Thanks for helping out, PS. Hopefully my skater-boy-obsessed reader will see
your letter and get her hands on some legal skater-tush. Speaking of skater-tush,
I recently wandered into Crescent Downworks, a skateboard shop on Pike Street,
where I saw many fine examples of skater-tush. I asked the boys if they had
any advice for a woman into skater-boys, and they suggested that she hang out
in, or better yet, get a part-time job in a skateboard shop. Horny folks in
Seattle who wanna meet skater-boys can drop their resumes off at Crescent Downworks
on Pike Street.
HEY, EVERYBODY: This Friday night I’ll be the guest DJ on Star 101.5
FM’s ’80s Friday Night with Michael Stein, from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. Michael invited
me on his show to play my “fave music from the ’80s, whatever I was listening
to when Reagan was president.” Don’t tell Mike, but in the ’80s I was mostly
listening to musicals from the ’40s and ’50s, so that’s what I’ll be playing.
Tune in, why don’t you?
DESPERATELY SEEKING BART DANIEL: Did you work for Adcart Inc. in the
early ’90s? Were you named Sales Representative of the month in February of
1992? Bart, please call me at The Stranger (206.323.7101). I have your
Write to Dan!
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