S&M Handholding

...to go with this. Is this a common fetish? Should I be worried about this woman? I wear a condom, but is there anything more I can do to protect myself? Worried About Blood Is there anything more you can do to protect yourself? Hmm. Have you thought about a restraining order? What worries me about this woman is not the innocent-schoolgirl-loses-her-virginity routine, nor the lengths to which she’s willing to go for the sake of, er, bloody verisimilitude. It’s wonderful that she’s so in touch with her own needs and so open about what turns her on. No, what worries me is that she didn’t think you needed any prep before she sprang this freaked-out shit on you. Edgy fantasies and fetishes are swell–a lot of people have them–but reasonable, rational, sane, together perverts don’t just spring their kinks on new and unsuspecting partners. When dating civilians, responsible fetishists have little talks, lay the groundwork, and do some handholding before they haul out the Catholic schoolgirl outfits and the razorblades. Are her turn-ons common? Sure. Losing your virginity is a common fantasy, just as Catholic schoolgirl outfits are a common fetish. It’s the razorblades and the blood that ramp this woman’s fantasies up to the edgy and extreme. Is what you’re doing safe? Well, provided her blood isn’t getting into your body–if you’re using condoms, and you have no cuts or broken skin that her blood is coming into contact with–you’ll probably survive the sex. It’s the rest of the relationship that I worry about. The problem isn’t that this woman is kinky, WAB, but that she’s obtuse and inconsiderate. Springing these kinks on you betrays a worrying lack of judgment on her part, and all of her various social maladaptations (obtuse, inconsiderate, poor judgment) will eventually manifest themselves in other areas of your relationship. The kind of woman who takes a razorblade to her genitals without so much as a “Honey, I’ve always had this fantasy about…” is the kind of woman who’ll take your CDs out of the stereo without putting them back into their jewel boxes or drown your five children in a bathtub one afternoon while you’re at work. I’d move on if I were you. I’m an 18-year-old straight male and a virgin. I’m into bondage, and like looking at pictures of tied-up and gagged girls on the Internet and jerking off to them. The problem is that every time I come close to having relationships with girls, my craving to tie them up gets the better of me and I ask them if I can tie them up probably way too soon. They usually get awkward around me after I ask and seem to think I’m a perverted, creepy, kidnapping psycho. I really want to make this fantasy a reality, but I don’t know how to control the urge to ask the girls I’m attracted to if I can tie them up. Even talking about it with them turns me on, so that screws me up relationshipwise too. What can I do? Finally, do I have to give myself a stupid name? Alright, uh…. The Dumb Dominator There are women out there who like to be tied up, God knows, but even women turned on by bondage are unlikely to let out-of-control teenage boys tie them up. And why’s that? Because a man who can’t control himself before he ties you up–say, a guy who lets his cravings get the better of him–doesn’t come across like the kind of guy a woman can trust to control himself after he’s tied her up. So you have a choice to make, TDD: You can learn to control yourself, or you can stay a virgin all your life. If, like WAB’s girlfriend, you’re going to date non-kinky civilians, you’re gonna have to have the little talks and do some handholding. But before you do any of that, you’re going to have to let the girls you date get to know you a little better. Restrain yourself: Keep your mouth shut about your kinks and bite your tongue when your cravings start to get the better of you. If you can wait a couple of months before you bring up bondage, the woman you’re dating might like you and trust you enough to let you tie her up. But if you act like a creepy psycho (asking her way too soon, getting visibly turned on when you first talk about it), she’s going to think you’re a creepy psycho and dump your perverted ass. Finally, don’t be too ambitious the first time you tie someone up. You’re going to have to get some practice before you attempt anything as complicated as the photos you’ve seen on the Internet. It’s easy to accidentally hurt someone when you’re not sure what you’re doing with ropes and gags, so take it slow, check in with your willing victim frequently, and have some sort of signal–a word or a gesture–that means stop. I am a 45-year-old married male and I’m into enemas. I’ve been doing this for over 20 years. I am looking for a woman to give me an enema. I made contact with an enema mistress on the web but she wants 300 bucks. I think that’s a bit much. Do you know of a woman who can provide me with satisfaction for free? Water World Oh, sure, I know lots of women who would love nothing more than to provide you with satisfaction for free. Gee, now where did I put my mother’s phone number? Excuse me, WW, but out of the very few women out there who enjoy giving men enemas (and my mom, for the record, isn’t one of them), I doubt very many, if any at all, are itching to give enemas to 45-year-old married men. As your sexual tastes are unique and your personal circumstances are not all that appealing to single, in-demand female enema fetishists, you’re just gonna have to reconcile yourself to paying for it. And let me tell you something, WW, administering enemas to middle-aged married guys isn’t something I would do for less than $10,000 an hour. In my opinion, the enema mistress you contacted on the web wasn’t gouging you–she was offering you a deal. Take her up on it. letters@savagelove.net