Dear Readers: Last week we were treated to the childhood sexual misconceptions of my male readers–a shocking number of which involved piss. This week it’s the girls’ turn….
My grandma on my dad’s side liked to come in while I was sitting on the toilet, doing number two, and tell me, “That’s how your mommy had you! One day–poop! Francie came out!” I guess she thought it was cute or something. When I was done, I would stare at my own poop while it swirled around the green ceramic toilet bowl of my grandma’s toilet, feeling vaguely disconcerted.
Francie Fuckin’ Freaked
When I was about 7, my older friend Annie told me that the way a man and a woman had sex was that the man put his middle finger inside the woman’s bellybutton and twisted from side to side. That’s why they called it screwing. This...