How much piss can one consume
without getting sick?
Sincerely Curious
I usually float medical questions over to
Dr. Barak Gaster, Savage Love’s long-suffering resident medical expert.
But after braving a torrent of piss questions over the years, Dr.
Gaster has developed something of a piss-question phobia. So, S C, I
tossed your question to Dr. W. H., an ER physician at a big city
hospital like the ones on teevee! Dr. W. H. has seen people “guzzling
every nasty-ass secretion known,” and wasn’t fazed by your
question. (He also says that he’s seen people use Doritos bags as condoms, but we’ll save that for another column.)
“Piss is actually quite safe to drink,” says
Dr. W. H., “assuming the person making the piss has healthy kidneys and
isn’t dripping with the clap.” But isn’t piss a waste product, packed
with stuff your body wants to be rid of? “The production of urine
begins with an...
...quite safe to drink,” says
Dr. W. H., “assuming the person making the piss has healthy kidneys and
isn’t dripping with the clap.” But isn’t piss a waste product, packed
with stuff your body wants to be rid of? “The production of urine
begins with an ultrafiltration of the blood by the nephrons in the
kidney, which contain superteeny openings that let only the smallest
molecules through. This means that bacteria and viruses are rarely seen
[in urine]—HIV and hepatitis viruses are pretty much a nonissue
as long as the kidneys are in good working order.”
But quite safe doesn’t mean
totally safe.
“All bets are off if you’re drinking the
piss of someone who’s got horrendous kidneys,” Dr. W. H. adds. “The
biggest danger would be drinking urine from someone with an infection
that’s living downstream from the kidneys, such as gonorrhea,
chlamydia, or some type of bladder infection.”
Presuming you’re drinking a healthy person’s
piss, how much is too much? “There have been cases of people dying
because they drank gallons and gallons of water incredibly quickly and
diluted their electrolytes to the point of cardiac arrest,” says Dr. W.
H. “However, that’s sort of a risk that’s inherent in any liquid, and
not really unique to urine.”
Another thing for piss guzzlers to consider:
“Certain small molecules are concentrated in the urine,” says Dr. W. H.
“Such as [trace amounts of] drugs, recreational and otherwise.” I’ve
heard from clean-and-sober piss drinkers who lost their jobs after
testing positive for drugs their sex partners were taking, SC, so if
you have a job that requires regular drug testing, or if you’re Britney
Spears, you might want to date straight-edge piss tops exclusively.
“If you know your partner and you’re both
healthy,” Dr. W. H. concluded, “guzzle all the piss you want. If you’re
hooking up with strangers and you’re not sure what’s coming out of his
dick or her twat, then you’re asking for it.”
I have a friend who likes to have the
blood flow to his brain restricted. He and I messed around and he asked
me to choke him. I wasn’t cutting off his airflow, just applying
pressure to his jugular and carotid. This kink scares me. We’re not
using ligatures of any kind, just my hands. I don’t want to hurt him;
he’s one of my best friends, putting aside how awkward it would be to
explain to his family, my family, and HIS WIFE how I accidentally
killed him.
Am I overreacting? Is there a safer way to
restrict the blood flow to someone’s brain?
Gave Him One Sexy Throttling
“No! She is not overreacting,” says Dr.
Barak Gaster, who has yet to develop a phobia of strangulation-related
questions. (In time, in time.) “There is no ‘safer’ way to cut off
blood supply to the brain. Even short periods of reduced blood flow to
the brain cause permanent brain cell death causing
permanent mental retardation and death.” As for your being
careful “only” to restrict blood flow and not airflow, GHOST, Dr.
Gaster warns that “cutting off blood vessels with your hand is even
more dangerous than cutting off breathing, since the oxygen flow to the
brain falls much faster.”
How dangerous is this kink? “Insanely
dangerous.” How insanely dangerous? “Do not do this. Living for years
with an ‘anoxic’ brain injury is a horrifying existence. Many would
rate this a fate worse than death. She is potentially dooming her
partner to life as a brain-damaged imbecile,” says Dr.
Gaster—and, hey, those GOP presidential debates are crowded
enough already, GHOST. Knock it off.
SPEAKING OF DANGEROUS KINKS: Tons of readers
sent me a link to the story on the Smoking Gun about a Baptist minister
who died in June of “accidental mechanical asphyxia.” I appreciate the
thought, but rest assured that I Google “Baptist minister” and
“accidental mechanical asphyxia” at least once a day.
Anyway, the Rev. Gary Aldridge was found
hog-tied, wearing two wet suits, a face mask, diving gloves, rubberized
underwear, and a rubber hood. No foul play was involved and the
51-year-old pastor of Montgomery’s Thorington Road Baptist Church was
alone when he died. “While the Montgomery Advertiser, which
first obtained the autopsy records, reported on Aldridge’s two wet
suits,” says the Smoking Gun, “the family newspaper chose not to
mention what police discovered inside the minister’s rubber briefs.”
That would be a big, black dildo, not so much inside the pastor’s
rubberized undies as stuffed up the pastor’s ass.
Thorington Road Baptist Church has asked
that people “refrain from speculation” about Rev. Aldridge’s demise.
But the autopsy leaves very little to speculate about. I can’t resist
pointing out that Rev. Aldridge would be alive today if he had indulged
his passion for wet suits, rubber hoods, etc., on the streets of San
Francisco during the recent Folsom Street Fair and not home alone in
Montgomery, Alabama.
The Folsom Street Fair is a pansexual
leather/fetish/BDSM street festival, and this year’s poster parodied
The Last Supper, an image that’s been parodied hundreds of
times to absolutely no protest. But professionally outraged Catholic
hate-monger Bill Donohue dropped a carefully orchestrated load in his
generously proportioned trousers when he saw Folsom’s poster, and the
right-wing sex haters piled on. There was a great deal of screaming and
yelling about the poster and the “shameless” perverts cavorting in San
Francisco.
I’m sure a few wet-suit fetishists were at
Folsom this year, along with guys in gas masks and people in rubberized
shorts. And there’s always plenty of hog-tying. And guess what? All the
pervs survived; so far as I’m aware there has never been a death at
Folsom. So it seems that the “shameless” perverts on the streets of San
Francisco—men and women indulging their kinks with lovers,
buddies, and friends on the streets of San Francisco in front of God
and everybody—are less of a danger to themselves and others than
the perverts in Montgomery.
The moral: When it comes to potentially
dangerous kinks, you’re better off—you’re
safer—being shameless. Because the shameless don’t just get
to enjoy their kinks, they also get to survive them.
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