I think my 5-year-old nephew is
probably gay. Most of the reasons are superficial (he says that Zac
Efron is cute), but I also have a hunch. If he is gay, it’s cool by me.
The problem is my brother also thinks his son might be gay and he is
NOT cool with it. He’s “nice” about it, but he has taken to prohibiting
most of the things my nephew loves to do: putting on makeup, watching
and dancing along to musicals with vampy women (like Chicago), playing
dress-up. My nephew can tell that his dad thinks there is something
shameful about his doing these things, but asks me in the most
heartbreaking way if we can do those things when we’re at my house and
not tell his dad.
Question 1: Is it even possible to tell the
sexual preference of a child so young?
Question 2: Is it wrong for me to indulge...
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...p class="savage_question">Question 1: Is it even possible to tell the
sexual preference of a child so young?
Question 2: Is it wrong for me to indulge my
nephew even though my brother (his parent) has told me that he doesn’t
want my nephew doing those things?
Answer 1: There’s a 99 percent chance your
nephew is gay and a 100 percent chance that your brother will one day
regret his actions. He’s emotionally abusing his son—and for
what? Dress-up or no dress-up, if his son is gay then he’s going to be
gay. Your brother can’t destroy his son’s homosexuality, only his son’s
Answer 2: Your nephew needs an adult in his
life who loves him unconditionally and a space where he can express
himself without fear. So tell him you love him, promise to keep his
secrets, and tell him that his father loves him too and will come
around one day. And yes, AM, lie to your brother. In the grand scheme
of things your lies are a misdemeanor; the emotional violence he’s
inflicting on his son is a felony.
Answer 3: You didn’t ask about an extra
bedroom, but I wish you had. Someday—someday soon—your
nephew is going to need a safe place to go when he starts running away
from home. So put together a nice guest bedroom, someplace your nephew
can hide when he’s sick of his father and, with any luck, over Zac
My fiancé cheated on me and
lied about it. Our phone bill proved that he had been calling this
girl, but he denied it was anything important. Then the girl’s friend
told me he cheated, I confronted him, and he now admits it—though
he says he’s not really sure since he had been drinking. He doesn’t
remember it, he says, but supposes that it could have happened.
We are talking about going to counseling.
But I find myself resenting him, not trusting him, and scared of having
sex with him. Will I ever be able to stop hating him, ever be able to
trust him, and ever be able to restart a sexual relationship with him?
Once a Cheater, Always a
Once a cheater, not always a cheater. But
once a cheater, likelier to cheat than never a cheater.
But set the cheating issue aside, OACAAC.
Are you seriously going to marry this guy? You caught your
fiancé cheating and the best defense he can come up with is a
drinking problem? Why are you still engaged to someone you can’t trust,
won’t fuck, and feel nothing but hate for? DTMFA.
You’ve talked about guys masturbating
with too firm a grip and doing damage. I’m 21, male, in good shape, and
have been jerking off with a death grip since I was 10. Lately my cock
has been failing me. I have trouble staying hard, especially when
wearing a condom. I’ve heard that the death grip can decrease
sensitivity and make it harder to come, but can it lead to impotence?
Is this physical or am I just psyching myself out?
The Death Grip
I suspect you’re psyching yourself out, TDG,
allowing one or two failed performances to snowball into a
self-fulfilling, boner-negating prophecy. And here’s how to psych
yourself back in: Stop masturbating with a death
grip—immediately, right now, forever. Masturbate with a
lighter touch, use more lube, and be strict with your dick: If you
don’t get off, you don’t get off. Sooner or later your dick will, out
of sheer desperation, learn to appreciate subtler sensations.
On the condom front: If you’re putting the
condom on right before penetration, as so many dudes do, you’re going
to experience a drop in sensitivity at the worst possible moment.
Condoms are often cold when first applied, TDG, and we all know what
cold does to boners. So put the condom on at least 10 minutes before
intercourse. Treat the condom like it’s part of the action, not an
interruption, then continue to roll around, eat pussy, play with tits,
stroke yourself, etc., while the latex comes up to body temperature.
Then after you’ve checked to make sure it’s still on, fuck her
And it wouldn’t hurt to beat off wearing a
condom now and then either, TDG.
I read the Smoking Gun story about
the minister who died hogtied and rubberized, and these details from
the police report puzzle me: “The hands are bound behind the back. The
feet are tied to the hands. There are nylon ligatures holding these in
place with leather straps….”
How common is it for people to tie
themselves up this thoroughly without anyone else in the
Suddenly My Duct Tape Seems So
Spend a little quality time on XTube,
SMDTSSV, and you’ll find numerous examples of people—well,
men—engaged in elaborate self-bondage scenes. And seeing as the
authorities in Montgomery, Alabama, would have preferred to pin Rev.
Aldridge’s death on gay ninja assassins and not on his secret kinks,
I’m satisfied that Aldridge was alone.
But I’m glad you brought up Rev. Aldridge,
SMDTSSV, because I want to amend something I wrote in last week’s
column: “When it comes to potentially dangerous kinks, you’re better
off—you’re safer—being shameless,” and indulging
your kinks with lovers, buddies, and friends, “[because] the shameless
don’t just get to enjoy their kinks, they also get to survive
The day my column went to print I learned of
the death of Adrian Exley, a shamelessly kinky Brit. Exley traveled to
Boston to play with two other men, also shameless pervs. Unfortunately
for Exley, the men were shamelessly stupid pervs. They left
Exley—wrapped in plastic, bound with duct tape, hooded, with only
a straw to breathe through—alone in a closet overnight, where
Exley asphyxiated. One of the men, Gary LeBlanc, a 48-year-old Gulf Oil
exec, took responsibility for Exley’s death in a suicide note and then
So I should have written, “The shameless
don’t just get to enjoy their kinks, they’re LIKELIER to survive
Never leave a tied-up person alone, kids.
It’s deadly dumb.
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podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.