While visiting my family for
the holidays, my 72-year-old father informed me that a 29-year-old
Russian woman was coming to America to be with him. He could hardly
contain his excitement. Dad didn’t want me to tell my brother and
sister, because he knew they would be critical of him being with a
29-year-old Russian virgin. He’s correct. They would judge him. But I
couldn’t care less who he fucks.
I did ask if he had sent this woman any
money. He insisted that he had not. Over the next couple days, I got my
father to confess to sending this woman more than $3,000 (he won’t give
me the real number). A few days later he went to the airport to meet
his lovely Russian girlfriend. Obviously, no Russian woman got off the
I have since had some conversations with my
dad about the likelihood that a...
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...lovely Russian girlfriend. Obviously, no Russian woman got off the
I have since had some conversations with my
dad about the likelihood that a legitimate 29-year-old woman—or
even a 50-year-old woman—would want to be with a 72-year-old man
in bad health. There is nothing exceptional about him. He is
overweight, basically lives on social security with enough left in
retirement savings for some luxury in life, has no special talents that
would make a much younger woman attracted to him, i.e., he is not Jack
Nicholson, etc. I encouraged him to think about more age-appropriate
partners and did some internet searches for him on legit dating
websites. He’s not interested in anyone close to his age. Those women
are “old,” he says.
Dad says he’s lonely without female
companionship. I don’t think this is about being lonely. He works on
occasion for my brother, goes out with family and friends. I think it
is about an old man who wants to recapture his youth by being with a
younger woman. Which is fine. But as his son, I feel obligated to
protect what little my father has. He has already been scammed once. We
have always had a good relationship. But he confides in me less now
because I “lectured” him about his Russian girlfriend and the age
Should I help him with the dream of finding
a much younger woman? Or, do I continue down the path of convincing him
to seek out women who, if not age-appropriate, at least have similar
No Fools Like Old
If your dad admits to sending this woman
$3K, NFLOF, he probably sent her 10 times that. Explain to your father
that he can have a hot younger woman whenever he wants—by renting
one, an honest pro, a decent whore, someone who only wants to take him
for her reasonable, hourly rate. Yes, he’ll be paying for it, but he’ll
be paying a lot less and actually getting it. With a little effort, you
and your dad can find a kind, understanding pro, someone he can see
regularly, and he can establish a “relationship” of sorts, one that
involves a little companionship and affection, real or simulated, and
not just sex.
It may not be legal, of course, but it’s the
only way a man who isn’t rich and famous—like Donald Trump or
Fred Thompson—can land a 29-year-old bride.
And finally, NFLOF, you need to discuss what
went down with your siblings and talk to your father’s doc, if he has
one. If he’s dangerously out of touch with reality—like Donald
Trump or Fred Thompson—you may need to step in and take over his
finances before his next mail-order bride takes him for all he’s
Here’s what’s up: My wife and I were
making love the other night and after about 20 minutes of great sex she
told me she was going to come. She went ahead and had a great orgasm
and then pretty much shut down. I was left lying on the bed with a huge
hard-on and the expectation that she would “help” me out a little bit.
But after a few minutes, it became apparent she had no intention of
doing anything but going to sleep. We had a minifight about it later.
She felt that since on other (rare) occasions I have had an orgasm and
she hasn’t, it was okay to leave me the way she did. What gives? I have
a case, don’t I?
Incidentally, for some reason after 10
minutes of this bickering, we were both still turned on and we ended up
having sex again—and this time we BOTH got off!
So long as you’ve offered to get the wife
off on those occasions when you’ve come first—and made the offer
with a smiling, upbeat, only-too-happy-to-do-it tone in your voice, LQ,
and followed through—she is obligated to do the same. If,
however, you’ve rolled over and passed out on those occasions when
you’ve come first, she is under no obligation to treat your ass with
any more consideration.
I have been dating my girlfriend for
six months and we are passionate about each other, making love at least
twice a day. We’re very much in love. My girlfriend’s best friend is a
gay male whom she dated in high school before he came out. I asked my
girlfriend about taking a vacation together this year and she told me
that she can’t because she’s going to Italy for two weeks with her gay
ex. Is this screwed up or am I freaking out about nothing? I mean, she
is going away for two weeks with her ex-boyfriend who now just happens
to be gay?!
At six months, JJ, you don’t have the
seniority to make demands on your girlfriend where travel companions
are concerned. And he’s GAY, you idiot. They dated in HIGH SCHOOL. He
is, for all intents and purposes, her GIRLFRIEND now—he
probably always was. Seeing as he’s just a friend, JJ, why
shouldn’t she travel with him? What are you afraid of? That he’s going
to streak her hair over there?
If you can’t be chill about this, you’re
going to sabotage this relationship. You haven’t been dating that long,
so she either made these plans before you met or before you two became
serious. At a year and six months—maybe—you would
have a right to be aggrieved if she was running off for two weeks with
a friend, preventing you two from getting away together. But at this
point, any bitching from you is going to raise red flags. If you’re
smart—and the jury’s out—you’ll say, “Gee, I wish I was
going with you—I can’t wait until we can travel together and fuck
our way across Europe.” And, if you must, you can add, “I know it’s
COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL, but I’m feeling a little jealous and threatened.
Tell me again how COMPLETELY and THOROUGHLY and SCREAMINGLY gay your ex
is, please.” Say that with a smile so she’ll laugh, then you fake a
laugh, and then take them BOTH out to dinner, give them a travel guide,
and tell ’em you hope they have fun over there.
And who knows? If you play your cards right,
JJ, you might get invited along. But if you act like a jealous,
irrational douchebag, you’re definitely going to get your ass
Readers respond to my advice for
LIMP—the guy who can’t stop stressing over the size of his
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