I’m a 20-year-old bi girl
and I’ve been with
my boyfriend a little over a year. We’ve talked about having an FFM
threesome, but the first time we talked about it, we realized that we
were not on the same page, and now every time I try to bring up the
possibilities of a threesome, we end up in an argument. I’d like to
talk about some rules, just in case it happens as he imagines
it—we pick up a girl at a bar—but he won’t talk to me,
because he claims that it would make a threesome not as spontaneous.
Also, there’s an unspoken worry that my desire to have a threesome is
just a way for me to explore having sex with a woman while he watches.
I admit that this is what I was most interested in, in the beginning,
but I’ve since gotten pretty turned on by the idea...
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I admit that this is what I was most interested in, in the beginning,
but I’ve since gotten pretty turned on by the idea of him fucking
another girl if I tell him to. Any advice on what I should
No Rules For The Game
Before we get to an answer—an
answer, NRFTG, not my answer—a brief note. I feel deeply
honored every morning when I open my laptop and see the huge number of
e-mails that poured in overnight. You, my readers, share the most
intimate details of your lives with me, you open your hearts and pour
out your hopes and your fears, and you often attach pictures. (Pics of
your hot boyfriend? Good. Pics of your mysterious genital rash? Bad.) I
am always deeply humbled by your trust. A sacred bond ties an advice
columnist to his readers and I would never do anything to violate or
weaken that bond.
But once a year I do allow a complete
stranger to rummage through your e-mails, pluck out a few letters, and
give this advice business a whirl. Meet Eric Rescorla. He paid
somewhere in the vicinity of the high-mid-to-low four figures for the
privilege of taking my advice column out for a spin. The money went to
and I didn’t let Eric keep copies of your e-mail addresses or any of
the photos you enclosed. (That’s a hell of a rash you’ve got there,
Doris In Dallas; go see a doctor, would you?) Eric is a computer
security specialist who lives in the SF Bay Area and so, like me, is
completely unqualified to advise anyone about anything. And here’s his
advice for you, NRFTG.
“Let me see if I have this right: You’re
offering your boyfriend what’s probably the number-one straight-male
fantasy and he’s bitching because it’s not spontaneous?” asks Eric,
rhetorically. “Basically, there are two possibilities here: (1) Your
boyfriend is too dumb to live. (2) He’s sincerely worried that you just
want to use this threesome as an excuse to fuck other women, and based
on your letter, it sounds like you’ve given him some reason to.
“That said, seeing as much of the purpose of
the exercise is for him to fuck other women, it’s hard to see
that he has any grounds for complaint on that score. So, either way,
he’s pretty much a moron and should grow up, quit whining, and enjoy
I’m a 23-year-old gay male. And while I am
social, I don’t really hit the clubs or find myself surrounded by other
gay guys, so I don’t have many dates and I haven’t been in many
relationships. Aside from the internet and clubs, where would you
suggest I go to meet some guys? Should I just suck it up and throw
myself into the scene?
Eager To Meet
“I’m straight so I don’t know too much about
meeting gay guys in particular,” says Eric. “But in my experience,
meeting partners in general is pretty much a matter of sucking it up
and going for it. Or you could do what I did and buy the right to meet
a middle-aged gay sex columnist in next year’s Strangercrombie
Hmph. I have to take exception to Eric’s
advice for ETM. I don’t consider 34 to be “middle-aged,” for starters,
and for enders I’m a married sex-advice columnist who
happens to be gay, not a gay sex-advice columnist that ETM
here could have for the price of a Savage Love guest slot. But I’d be
happy to introduce you to some of my young, single, gay friends if you
make the winning bid next year, ETM.
I am writing because I recently found out
that my dad has a problem with online porn. My dad is clueless with
technology, and he leaves tracks all over the computer, never deletes
his history, opens every popup ad, etc., and it is really fucking up
our at-home system and embarrasses us whenever someone else uses the
He’s not just an occasional user, either.
This is multiple times a day, every day. I tried to brush it off until
my sister walked in on him looking at—not jerking off to,
thankfully—an X-rated video. On Christmas Day, right before
dinner. In the computer room, which is in the main hallway of the
house, with the door open.
So, what do you think? Do we ignore this?
Get a filtering program? Send him an anonymous message?
Concerned Older Sister
“Finally a question I’m qualified to
answer,” says Eric.
“If your dad wants to cover his tracks on
the computer, there are a bunch of solutions. The best is always to get
a totally isolated computer, but that’s a fairly large investment. You
can certainly make your father a new account on this computer, but that
won’t stop viruses and you still have to worry about him leaving files
“I’m assuming you’re running Windows and
what I recommend here is virtualization software. This is software that
lets you run a ‘virtual’ computer on top of your real computer. The
virtual computer has its own copy of Windows, its own browser, and its
own virtual disk. Your dad can do his porn surfing on the virtual
machine and can even set it to reset itself whenever the virtual
computer is restarted, so there’s no need to worry about leaving
tracks. It takes a little technical sophistication to get this working,
since you need to install Windows on the virtual machine, but once it’s
running, any idiot can use it. There are a number of vendors of
virtualization software, but I recommend VMware because you can
download a free version of VMware Server for home use. Also, if you’re
running the business versions of XP or Vista you can download
Microsoft’s Virtual PC for free.
“But based on your letter, COS, I wonder
whether he’s just technically clueless. It doesn’t take a computer
expert to realize that watching porn in the main hallway with the door
partly open carries a real risk of discovery—which may actually
be what he wants. However, given that this is embarrassing you and your
family, I don’t see any alternative but to confront him and tell him he
needs to do a better job of hiding his habit and that you’re willing to
help him with that. I’m sure that will be excruciating, but probably a
lot less bad than walking in on Dad jerking off to internet porn.”
That concludes this very special,
guest-authored, all-for-charity installment of Savage Love. You can
read more advice from Eric for Savage Love readers at www.thestranger.com/savage/eric,
and Eric blogs/rants daily at www.educatedguesswork.org.
Download Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast)
every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.