I feel ridiculous e-mailing
you, but I figure that if anyone has heard of all manner of ass-hole
behavior during sex, it would be you.
I’m a 17-year-old girl, and I’ve only had
one boyfriend—who was, at the time, 21 and, I thought, perfect.
The only thing that’s still bothering me is the reason we broke up.
After promising that he would never hurt me, and reassuring me that he
was SO passionate about contraception, I agreed to have sex with him
and lose my virginity. And in the middle of fucking me, he removed the
condom without a word! He was hoping I wouldn’t notice! I did
notice—and I kicked his ass to the curb. He cried, he sent stupid
gifts, and still calls. At least he didn’t get me pregnant.
How upset should I be about this? Or is this
something that horny males do? I’m not traumatized. I...
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...still calls. At least he didn’t get me pregnant.
How upset should I be about this? Or is this
something that horny males do? I’m not traumatized. I could nominate
him for “Crappy Boyfriend of the Year,” but surely someone else’s
boyfriend has done worse. I really just don’t know how to feel about
How upset should you be? Very. Did you do
the right thing? Absofuckinlutely.
Hell, JC, you did precisely what I would
have urged you to do had I been in the room. Of course, the
second-to-last thing a straight girl needs in the room with her when
she’s losing her virginity to some asshole straight boy is a gay man
twice her age desperately trying to get out. But if I had been there,
JC, and I realized what was going on, I would’ve stopped trying to
break down your locked bedroom door long enough to give your
boyfriend—aka the last thing you needed in the room that
night—something to cry about for real.
You consented to intercourse with
protection, and that asshole deceitfully initiated unprotected
intercourse. When a fucker removes a condom during
intercourse—gay or straight, vaginal or anal—it invalidates
the fuckee’s consent to the fucking. (And what is sex without consent,
class?) So your “more experienced” boyfriend sexually assaulted you,
JC, and placed you at risk of an unplanned pregnancy—and for
what? An ever-so-slightly enhanced orgasm for him?
This isn’t something that decent guys do at
all, JC, much less “all the time.” He’s an abusive douchebag, and
you’re well rid of him. Here’s hoping his next girlfriend takes
proactive steps to make sure the condom stays securely on—I’d
suggest staple-gunning the thing in place.
I’m a 23-year-old bi male
mostly attracted to women. I have a fetish for cross-dressing, but only
in private, as I live in a town—Tucson—that’s small enough
that I might get recognized if I went out “dressed.” I’m not having any
luck finding a woman interested in having a long-term relationship.
I’ve been in a few serious relationships with women in the last few
years, and all have been GGG for every kink I threw at them. But when I
work up the nerve to float guy-on-guy stuff or me wearing panties, I
always get “Ewww, gross!” I’ve tried online options to no avail. Where
can I meet my dream girl who will watch me with a guy while I am
wearing a skirt?
Closet Princess Seeking Princess
The women you’ve dated were up for every
kink you “threw at them,” CPSP, until you tossed out your actual
kinks, the ones you care about, the ones that make your dick rock hard,
and then you got ewwwgrossed every time.
I’ll bet you’re breezy, charming, and funny
when the stakes are low and you’re discussing kinks that aren’t your
own. But when it comes time to share your kinks, CPSP, I suspect you
get nervous, sweaty, and tense. Because the stakes are much, much
Of course, bisexuality and
cross-dressing—as opposed to, say, a thing for feet or high heels
(on her)—are going to be higher hurdles for most women. The
former because it taps into thoroughly reasonable fears (what if you’re
gay and not out yet? what health risks is she running if you’re out
there sucking off other dudes?); the latter because for some women,
seeing their boyfriends engaged in what they perceive to be thoroughly
unmasculine activities—their asses panty-clad, their mouths
cock-stuffed—amounts to a deal-breaking turnoff.
But there are women into your kinks, CPSP;
it’s just going to take more than one or two internet searches to find
one. And there are women who might be willing to go there for you, if
they love you enough, but you’ll never know if she’s the one if you
shut down after that first “Ewww, gross!”
I’m a 21-year-old,
good-looking, sexually active, single woman. I have never had a
boyfriend, but I have many guy friends who tell me that I’m great. Is
it that men don’t want to date me, or is my lack of putting up with
bullshit getting me into trouble?
Alone Again Unnaturally
You don’t give me much to work with here,
AAU. For instance, examples of the kind of bullshit you’re incapable of
putting up with might help. Because you know what? Some bullshit is
intolerable, AAU, but there’s no such thing as a bullshit-free
relationship. A long-term relationship is, at its core, two people
struggling to put up with each other’s bullshit—day in, day out,
year after year—in exchange for things intangible (love) and
things tangible (sex). And why should anyone put up with your bullshit,
kiddo, if you won’t put up with theirs?
I saw your offer to respond to
all e-mails from people who made at least a $25 donation to the fight
against California’s Proposition 8. I would like you to consider
expanding the offer to include donations to our campaign, also. As you
may know, Florida voters have been asked to approve a similar amendment
here. Amendment 2 is worse, actually, as it also bans civil unions AND
domestic partnerships. But we only need 40 percent of the vote to block
We’re no joke—we’ve raised about $4
million and our TV ads start this week. But we need another $500,000 to
push this over the top.
Derek Newton, Campaign Manager,
You’re in, Derek.
The six biggest Savage Love donors to either
.com will see their letters in print, and everyone who
makes a donation of at least $25 to either group—send me your
donation confirmation e-mail along with your question—gets a
personal reply from yours truly. The cutoff date for eligible letters
is October 16. And if my readers in Canada want to play along, too,
you’re invited to send proof of a donation to someone, anyone, running
against Stephen Harper.