Quickies

...ructive introspection and make further changes/course corrections, as needed. 3. How do I stop people from falling in love with me when they meet me? If it’s women and gay men you don’t want falling for you at first sight, wear a MAGA hat. Not sure what you have to wear to prevent straight men from falling in love with you — perhaps commenters will have an idea. 4. Do all straight men secretly want something up the ass? Considering that not all gay men want something up the ass — not tongues, not dicks, not toys — I feel pretty confident saying not all straight men want something up the ass. What’s different now is that straight men who do want something up the ass are less likely to feel shame and more likely to ask randos, FWBs, sex workers, romantic partners, spouses, etc., to put something up their asses. 5. How do you stop wanting what you can’t have? By focusing on something you can have — or someone you can have — and willing yourself to believe you wanted the something/someone you could have just as much or more than you wanted the something/someone you couldn’t get. 6. How do I stay GGG even though I hate getting any kind of hair — including mine — in my mouth? The longer the hair, the worse it feels! Three options come to mind: seek out sex partners with alopecia; keep a hair clipper near the bathroom sink and tell new sex partners a quick trim gets them oral; or make a kinky virtue of irrational hangup and actively pursue perverts who get off on being ordered to keep their bodies completely hairless by their dominants. 7. I’m a 35-year-old married transgender man. I started my transition when I was in my 20s. My wife is 100% straight. I’ve recently started being open about being queer and being attracted to men. As I get older, I keep finding myself longing to fuck a cis man. At times it’s the only thought that gets me turned on. I’ve been married for ten years. My wife is pretty uptight. Open relationships and ENM is NOT an option. What do I do? Suck it up? You also three options: honor the monogamous commitment you made (and suck it the fuck up), dishonor the monogamous commitment you made (and risk getting caught), or issue an ultimatum and demand some degree of openness (and risk getting divorced). I wish there were another option — people write every day hoping that I’ll find a magical fourth option that doesn’t involve going without, becoming a cheating piece of shit, or issuing painful ultimatums that could blow up their marriages — but there are only these three options. 8. Is it okay to set up an online dating profile just to see what’s out there? It is — but going places and doing things, e.g., joining and volunteering and partying, remains the single best way to see what’s out there. 9. My wife lost all interest in sex ten years ago but insists I remain monogamous. Arguments often end with her angrily saying, “No one owes you sex.” What can I say in response to that? “No one owes you celibacy.” 10. How do you discreetly sniff an uncut cock? Dick cheese is awful. When someone says, “I wanna inhale your cock,” they don’t usually meant literally. (No one wants to aspirate a dick.) Another expression that usually isn’t meant literally: “Passing the smell test.” But if you’re gonna be face down in someone’s crotch, you’re gonna inhale at some point… so, why not inhale right away? And if someone fails an actual smell test, why not tell them to shower — unless you consider showing up with a dirty dick disqualifying, in which case you can tell them to take that dirty dick elsewhere. 11. Just went exclusive with a new partner last night and this morning an old sexy fling hit me up. For fuck’s sake! What do I do? If a single text message from a long-ago fling was all it took to make you regret going exclusive with a new partner less than 24 hours ago… it was mistake to go exclusive with your new partner. 12. What websites should I use to post my foot photos to make $$$? “I’ve done it — I’ve sold some foot pics — and there can be money in it,” said Tyler Tanner, who has been creating, sharing, and monetizing his adult content online for three years. “The best places to post foot photos would be OnlyFans and maybe Feetfinder. But whether you make money or not really depends on how good you are at marketing, just like any other product!” Tyler Tanner is on Instagram and YouTube @TylerTannerX. 13. How admirable is it to work as a fetish porn star in 2024? Better a fetish porn star — or a humble porn content creator — than a rightwing standup comic. 14. How to keep the sex life alive on the long, hard road to conceiving with infertility issues? If you’ve been trying to conceive the old-fashioned way, vaginal intercourse may feel like a chore. If you’ve moved on to fertility treatments like IUI or IVF, vaginal intercourse — at least for the moment — may symbolize your failure to conceive without assistance. My advice: take PIV off the menu when you’re not ovulating and enjoy other kinds of sex that symbolize (and provide) pure pleasure, i.e., oral sex, mutual masturbation, frottage, anal play (if you’re into that), etc. 15. I’ve always wanted a straight man to use me as the faggot I’m meant to be used as. I wanna beg him to stop and for him to just get rougher the more I beg. I’m done when he says I’m done. Thanks for sharing — and since very few actual straight men would ever wanna use you the way you describe wanting to be used, you can safely jack off about your fantasy CNC scene all you like, secure in the knowledge that it’s never gonna happen. 16. A friend drunkenly confessed having feelings for me. This person happens to be a close childhood friend’s ex-partner. We actually met through my childhood friend. Part of me feels giddy about this confession (I like this person!), but I would never want to hurt or betray my childhood friend. Should I tell my childhood friend what happened and seek their blessing? Or should I distance myself from the friend that confessed feelings? If you wanna date this person, you should date this person. You should give your close childhood friend a heads up — as a courtesy — but your childhood friend doesn’t have an actual veto and, if they’re a good friend, they won’t try to exercise an imaginary veto. 17. What’s the best way to find a loaf of gay bread and make a fuck sandwich? Gay guy here who wants to be the meat in one.  My single gay friends constantly complain to me — of all people — that they never meet single-and-available guys online or out in bars. All they meet are partnered guys in open relationships and/or couples seeking thirds for an evening, a weekend, or a lifetime. So, finding that loaf of gay bread — finding a gay couple seeking meat — shouldn’t be that hard. Get on the apps, go the bars. 18. His libido is much lower than mine. Could this work over the long term? I feel rejected. If you were feeling deprived, opening the relationship up could resolve those feelings, since being with your partner wouldn’t mean you were deprived of sex (if you can find it elsewhere), which would allow the relationship — barring other issues —to work over the long term. But if what you’re feeling is rejected, opening things up is unlikely to make you feel better in the short or long term, since your primary partner wouldn’t be any more interested in fucking you than they already are. 19. Are friends of exes or exes of friends always off limits?  No and no — and since anyone who believes they can declare exes or friends off limits needs to learn that they don’t actually have the power to do that, the sooner you fuck all of their friends and exes, the better. 20. I’m a mid-thirties gay male. I was previously married to a woman for ten years and we were monogamous the whole time and had a pretty normal sex life. But as soon as I had gay sex, it felt natural to me. My biggest concern is that I get so in my head when I have sex with men, especially when it comes to topping. This often results in me losing my erection. Viagra and Cialis helped, but there are still times when I lose my erection. How do I enjoy the moment if I’m constantly worried I’ll lose my erection? By telling yourself you can enjoy the moment — and the man — even if you don’t have an erection. 21. Is it okay to use the same sex toys you’ve used with your ex when you’re with a new person? Seeing as we use the same mouths, tongues, fingers, dicks and pussies with new partners, I don’t see why we would hesitate to use the same toys — after cleaning — with a new partner. Seeing as you can literally drop a silicone sex toy in a pot of boiling water for ten minutes to sterilize it between uses/partners, using the same sex toys with new partners is safer than using the same tongue/dick/pussy with new partners. 22. I started dating a guy seven months ago and three months in we were arguing constantly. Every time something went wrong, he would say he was done with me, and I would block him. Then he would text me from a different number, claim he didn’t mean it, and tell me he loved me. What should I do? Stop falling for it/him. 23. On the homepage of pornhub.comthe word “step” (as in stepmom, stepbrother, stepsister) appears twelve times. Is fauxcest really what everybody wants? When did this happen, and why? Someone — I think it was a Savage Love reader — observed that stepmom, stepbrother, etc., “fauxcest” scenarios bring a veneer of transgression and eroticized power imbalances to what would otherwise be regarded as pretty straightforward vanilla sex. 24. What is the best way to celebrate getting divorced from a narcissistic MAGA man? I’m considering inviting men over to jack it in every room of the house. After Terry and I had a notorious anti-gay bigot over to dinner to debate same-sex marriage, we cleansed our dining room of lingering bad vibes by having a dozen gay men over to do shots, play truth-or-dare, and share their craziest sex stories. And it worked! I can’t promise your plan — having guys over to jack it in every room of the house — will dispel the bad vibes, but it’s worth a shot… in every room of the house. 25. Husband is flirty with a trans male friend. Do I let him have a free pass? We’re not open currently. You could offer your husband a free pass — but don’t be surprised if he declines to use it. Sometimes people in closed relationships flirt because they know they can’t, not because they wish they could. 26. What’s the best way to respond — or the best thing to say to — a hosting dogdad hookup whose dog is “friendly,” aka badly behaved, jumping all over you? If the sex was good: “My place next time, ‘kay?” If the sex was bad: “Nice to meet you, bye.” 27. Is it rude to ask to borrow a hookup’s douche if you’re out of town and not prepared? Perhaps — but since shitting on someone’s dick would be far ruder, you should err on the side of asking to use their douche. 28. Any tips for mind-blowing blowjobs? I’ve never shared “mind-blowing tips” because, when it comes to sex, one person’s mind-blowing sex move is another person’s worst sexual experience of all time. Mind-blowing sex only happens when two (or more) people with basic levels of sexual competence communicate with each other (or the group) about what they wanna do or have done to them and what they wanna try or are willing to try. P.S. The best blowjob is 25-50% handjob. 29. Can I eat ass and pussy in the same session?  You can, you shouldn’t. Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to [email protected]! Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love