A few weeks back I invited readers to share their most horrifying true stories of desperate and/or depressing holiday sex. As promised, the author of the best horrifying true story of holiday sex–as determined by me and me alone–wins a $75 Toys in Babeland gift certificate. See if you can spot the winner before you get to the end of the column….
When I was in eighth grade, I saw my cousin Donna from Wisconsin for the first time in two years over Christmas. She and I were the same age, and she had sprouted some major hooters. After dinner, with our extended family sacked out on couches, I found myself alone in a bedroom with Donna. Without saying anything, I started pawing at her tits. My hands were shaking like crazy, fearing rejection, but she didn’t mind. I pulled her tits out of the top of her dress and she...