America’s longest-running sex-advice column!

Reader Roundup: Struggle Sesh

In response to call at the Lovecast from a woman who wants to be rimmed — and her husband wants to rim her — but she has (as she learned) a very ticklish butt hole…

Here’s a suggestion that MIGHT work. I’m an MD and it works when examining patients that are ticklish on other parts of the body: She touches her hole while he goes down on her. She doesn’t likely need to get in the way but just feel her hole enough to know her finger is there. Over a few minutes or less she’ll likely get sensitized enough to remove her finger and allow him to go at her on his own. With practice and patience the ticklish sensation might go away altogether. Have fun trying this out. I’ll be curious if it works.

Another tickling take

I demo bottomed for a tickling scene at a 101 night at a kink club years ago...

Want to read the rest? Subscribe now to get every question, every week, the complete Savage Love archives, special events, and much more!

...t. I’ll be curious if it works. Another tickling take… I demo bottomed for a tickling scene at a 101 night at a kink club years ago and the top asked me what I liked about tickling. What I liked about tickling is that I don’t like it. Took a call on the Lovecast from a backpacker wondering if it’s ever okay to have sex in a shared room in a youth hostel… I lived in the Globetrotter Hostel in SF for two years. As regulars, we preferred the bottom bunk because it was easy to use a sheet all around it for complete visual privacy as a tent. Usually almost all the tourist bunks were empty in the day, as they were out sightseeing, so daytime was best time to fuck. Eventually, as long-termers, you make friends with other compatible long-termers and I shared a room with only one other friend, so it was just like a college dorm then. About a recent call to this episode of Lovecast from a woman who “gave in” when the man she was with kept asking for sex… The woman who had sex with the dude who kept pushing her to have sex even when she said she did not want to, was absolutely under duress. I have been the woman in that situation. While it’s true that women need to learn to stand up for themselves in these situations (since we’ve been taught our whole lives to defer to men), it is even more true that men and all people need to respect a person who has said NO. She told him plainly that she didn’t want to have sex and he kept pushing. That is not okay. In response to my most recent conversation about STI disclosure with STI expert Dr. Ina Park (not my first conversation with Dr. Park about disclosure, probably not my last)… I could have been the caller asking about cold sores. It is easy to be obsessive about some stuff. I think a reasonable disclosure is: “I have no symptoms of an active STI. I am current on all my vaccinations. I was last tested for STIs (whenever) and am negative. You should assume that I actually do have one of the many endemic asymptomatic STIs” And or what its worth, my last routine STI screen (through my general practitioner) did not include tests for HPV or herpes. Always nice to hear from a satisfied customer… I’ve been listening to your podcast for a couple of years and just wanted to say how much I appreciate it and appreciate you. Your show has been a bridge of sorts between me and my wife and has helped us navigate parts of our relationship that are fraught with nasty fighting and trauma-triggered misunderstandings. To say that we fight about sex frequently would be a kind way to put it. No question today, but just wanted to thank you for being a passionate and rational voice in a culture so muddled by fears and hypocrisy around our sex lives. Add this mom to my list of satisfied customers… Thank you so much for your insight & perspective. It helped me a lot and I am very thankful to you. Sadly, they can’t all be satisfied customers… I just want to say I feel you shamed the woman in Episode 840 for having a sleep terror which is a behavior outside of her control. You are so conscientious not to shame people for their kinks and sexual preferences that this seemed like a misstep. This reader is all for writers getting paid… just not all writers: I’m all for writers charging for their work, but I do think you should keep your column free. I suspect it’d be more use to you as advertisement for your books, and you won’t be “gentrifying” your fans. A lot of college students who don’t have an extra 25$/year won’t have even heard of you in a few years because the link a fan friend gave them with your advice will have asked them to pay. My two cents. (I’m probably going to stop reading because I’m cheap that way and there’s too many subscriptions in life.) More than half my weekly column — one or two questions, one or two complete responses, depending on the length — appear before the paywall, so there’s still plenty for people to read without having to subscribe. It’s similar to the podcast: there’s a free-for-all Micro version of the Lovecast and a Magnum/subscription version of the show for folks who want more Lovecast in their lives. But the free Lovecast — which has tons of listeners — is still packed with good stuff, just as the free version of the column will be. I hope you’ll keep reading and I’m going to send you a gift Magnum Sub because I’m a soft touch. A heads up from a reader/listener… Hey, Dan and the TSARY! Did you know you got a very sweet shoutout from the Hard Fork hosts last week? Also, apparently the future of relationship advice could just be all of Dan’s back catalog in ChatGPT AI form! Personally I prefer the real Dan to this dystopian dream but, there’s no accounting for taste. Are you a football fan feeling empty inside now that the World Cup is over? There’s a butt plug for that.