May/December

...guys want to have threesomes. While I found that young men — at least the ones I’ve been with — have been great in bed (gotta love that!) they don’t stick around for very long. I’m pretty much a horny celibate now, because I didn’t enjoy fulfilling “older woman” fantasies over and over again, with one young guy after another. My advice for young men who want to be with an older woman would be to look for newly divorced women. Most aren’t looking for anything very serious, so they wouldn’t be looking for more than you can give them. I enjoyed every bit of time I spent with my younger lovers, and if there was an organization for Older Women/Younger Men, I would still check it out. But for now I’m “just friends” with younger guys. Woman of Experience WOE’s advice for younger men into older women — to pursue recently divorced women — is nothing if not practical. Not only aren’t most recently divorced women interested in getting serious about someone right away, but most would also be into a quick and vengeful I-still-got-it fling. Especially if it’s with a guy who has a flat stomach, a full head of hair, and no need for Viagra. I’ve got some info for the guy who liked older women. There is a website devoted to this subject: www.agelesslove.com. It is for OW/YM (older women/younger men) and OM/YW (older men/younger women). It’s not really a personals site, though. It primarily offers discussion, an opinions forum, and a chance to share experiences concerning this subject. I’m a 34-year-old male, and 99 percent of my relationships (sexual and not) have been with women two to 20 years my senior. No Oedipal Thing I checked out Ageless Love, “the first site exclusively devoted to age gap relationships,” and found its approach to May/December romance a little less practical than WOE’s. For instance, the current “cover story” on Ageless Love was about one OW/YM couple who met online. Ellyn, age 45, met Jason, age 30, in a chat room. Jason lived in England and Ellyn lived in the U.S., so good ol’ Ellyn went to Merry Olde England for a visit. Jason came to Ellyn’s hotel room — and that was it. He was so sure Ellen was the only woman-old-enough-to-be-his-mother that he could ever love that he proposed to her four days later. “In a whirlwind of decision,” Ellyn writes, “I said yes right there and then.” The happy couple has been married for two years and now resides in Washington state. The hardest aspect of an “age gap” relationship? “Trusting that as Jason grows older, he won’t feel the need to stray.” Hmm. If I were Ellyn, the hardest part for me would be believing that Jason wasn’t after a green card. Men looking for older women and women looking for younger men should check out this Yahoo club: http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/mrsrobinson. At this point there’s only a few members, but I’d love to see more join! I’m convinced there are a lot of older women out there who prefer younger men. I know I do. I hope these men don’t get discouraged! Come find us! Grandma Moses I am an older lady (52), look 40ish, and would be interested in a younger man. I am married and my husband cannot function sexually anymore, but I do love him and we have been married for more than 25 years. In my profession, it’s mostly women, so there’s hardly any men in my life. Can you offer me any information? Nancy Check out the two websites above, Nancy. And hey, if any horny college students out there wanna do a good deed and bone the ol’ lady (you’ll get time off in purgatory, boys, I swear), send a note to me and I’ll forward it to Nancy. Either women my age (I’m 43) in Edmonton, Alberta have no idea how to have fun, or Richard Cairney, editor of See in Edmonton, isn’t staying up-to-date with real life. He obviously has no clue how to meet the kind of older woman who likes younger men if he thinks that the best place to meet 35-45-year-old babes is at the OPERA or the BINGO HALL. You go to those places when you want to meet geezers! Doesn’t Edmonton have an art museum, after-work bars, bookstores, or theaters that show chick flicks? My advice to a young man who would like to meet older women is to go out and LOOK AROUND — older women are everywhere, doing the same stuff that younger, fun women do. Like, DUH. Not Your Granny Legal Notice: A couple of columns back I implied that my research assistant — the charming, talented, and reliably unstable Kevin — derived sexual pleasure from being urinated on. Kevin was deeply humiliated when he read that column — which was my intent — and insisted I print a retraction. It seems Kevin’s mother read this particular column, and called Kevin in tears. I promised Kevin I would run a correction, for his mom’s sake, without any intention of ever doing any such thing, of course. Today a letter arrived from Kevin’s attorney informing me that Kevin was taking legal action as a result of “certain defamatory and demonstrably untrue statements” I’d made in my column “concerning my client’s character and sexual habits.” My first thought on reading the letter was, how do you demonstrate that someone doesn’t like to be pissed on? Piss on him and see if he gets upset? Kevin’s lawyer closed his letter — as he closes all his letters — with a reminder that Kevin’s bipolar disorder falls under the legal definition of a disability, which would make it “illegal and actionable” for me to fire Kevin on account of his “behavior, emotions, reactions, outbursts, or job performance.” To get his lawyer off my back and to dry his mother’s tears, I’d like to place this statement in the record: My research assistant Kevin is NOT sexually aroused by water sports. (Though I challenge Kevin and his lawyer to demonstrate Kevin’s disinterest in water sports.) As regular readers of this column are undoubtedly aware, Kevin isn’t sexually aroused by much of anything, poor dear, on account of the many psychotropic drugs his doctors insist he ingest each day before coming to work. [email protected]