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STRUGGLE SESSION: Stealing Daddies, Faking Orgasms, Embracing Asymmetries… and More

Okay, let’s struggle… While discussing an important rite of passage for gay men with comedian Zach Zimmerman — the first time you get called “daddy” by a younger gay man — I observed that the straights had stolen “daddy” from the gays. Pepeduke says it was the other way around, actually, and came at me … Read More »

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“Savage Love” is America’s longest running sex advice column. A new column is posted every Tuesday. Become a Magnum Sub for access to the full column and the Struggle Session posted every Thursday!

Defaulting

My wife and I are socially monogamous but have a DADT arrangement that applies if we’re not in our home city. While my wife would prefer that I divulge details to her, I don’t want to hear her details, so we defaulted to DADT based on my preferences. Because we aren’t out to friends about … Read More »

STRUGGLE SESSION: Maybe Don’t Do The Thing?

Says Thingamajig… Two weeks with no Struggle Session and it wasn’t mentioned on the show this week. Is that feature dead? Struggle Session lives! I’m hosting HUMP! in Berlin next week — as I mentioned on the show — and opted to take the long way to Berlin in order to get as far away … Read More »

Sailed Ships

My always polite and very-high-functioning drunk husband was fucking around for the first fifteen years of our marriage. The other women were “unhappily married co-workers” who needed discretion. At the time, I thought our sex life was actually fairly normal. Things came to a head when I learned about a two-year affair he’d been having. … Read More »

Vibe Shifts

I’m a gay 35-year-old guy in the San Francisco area. I’m heading on a weekend getaway with my boyfriend and two other gay couples. We’re all solid but purely platonic friends — at least so far — but turning this “couples’ getaway” into a group play extravaganza sounds so hot to me. I believe everyone is in … Read More »

Quickies

1. How does one find the clitoris? I’m told the clitoris is not hard to find — go north, young man — but if one tries to find it and one fails, one should pull over (or pull out) and ask for directions. 2. If someone tells you to “do whatever you want,” should you? Someone who … Read More »

Come and Go

I have a problem that I’m not sure can be solved. I’m a single gay man who hasn’t touched anybody for sixteen years. Yes, you read that right: I haven’t touched another person for sixteen years. Sit with that for a couple of moments. Most people don’t believe me. I did something stupid in 1998 and had sex in … Read More »

Off the Table

I’ve been happily married to my wife for fifteen years. I’m a 54-year-old man, she’s a 55-year-old woman. While sex has never been our strongest suit, we’ve made the effort. But she now finds sex too painful and no longer wants to have intercourse. I’m on the larger side, which may or may not be … Read More »