The weekly sex advice column that started it all

Choke Hold

I have a question about choking. Or should that be simulated choking? I’ve recently discovered that being pinned down by my neck is a huge turn on for me. I love the feeling of being dominated and controlled, and of feeling my partner’s strength on this part of my body. I’m much more interested in … Read More »

That Husband Over There

I’m a 36-year-old married woman who fantasizes about her husband of 10 years being intimate with other women. This isn’t a new thing for me. I’ve fantasized about this for years, but we’ve never acted on it. He is intrigued but afraid that it might somehow damage our relationship. But I’ve done some research on … Read More »

Pound for Pound

A friend hooked me up with a much younger guy for weed. Let’s call him “Pretty Boy.” He knew something about me—Pretty Boy had been to a party at my house—and I knew something about him: he’s a burner, like our mutual. Consent is supposed to be a core burner value and before we hook up, … Read More »

Gays and Confused

From the end of Roe to the assault on democracy to the climate crisis to the war on Ukraine, it’s all bad news, all the time, for everyone. But the monkeypox outbreak is an extra little helping of bad news specifically for gay and bi men. (More than 96% of monkeypox cases have been in … Read More »

Dick Down

I’m a cis woman in her 30s who lives on the East Coast. I’ve been in an LTR with the same cis man for 12 years. No issues there at all! But we are considering opening up our relationship and I have a question about my sexuality. Basically, I’m attracted to people with penises. PIV … Read More »


Gay dude here. What the fuck is up with monkeypox? Do I need to be worried? Yes, you do. I tried to raise the alarm about monkeypox on the May 24, 2022, episode of the Savage Lovecast, back when there were 100 cases in 15 countries, all of them among gay and bi men. Now … Read More »

Licensed and Bonded

Weekly deadlines being what they are, this column was written before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. We knew this was coming, thanks to the SCOTUS Leaker, but that didn’t make last week’s news any less devastating. (Who’s the leaker? My money’s on Ginni.) So, what can we do now? We can march, we … Read More »

Pride and Preference

I’m taking a week off, so this week’s “Savage Love” is a reprint of a column that was originally published on January 13, 2016. I hope everyone has a happy and safe Pride. Please be careful out there. — Dan As a queer man of color—I’m Asian—I feel wounded whenever I am exposed to gay … Read More »

Baddy Dom

I’m a 29-year-old bisexual woman in a non-monogamous relationship. A few years ago, I wanted to explore my submissive side and met up with a Dom I connected with on a kink site. We had a few drinks and hit it off. We discussed what we were comfortable with and our limits beforehand. I set … Read More »

Judgment Day

I’m trying to date again after back-to-back negative relationship experiences. Experiences that have made me question my own judgment and ability to set good boundaries. My friends and therapist all pointed out the red flags, but I was apparently blind to them. I love what you’ve said about how there is no “The One” out … Read More »