The weekly sex advice column that started it all

“Savage Love” is America’s longest running sex advice column. A new column is posted every Tuesday. Become a Magnum Sub for access to the full column and the Response Roundup posted every Friday!

Police States

I’m monogamous and have been dating my boyfriend who identifies as straight for a little over a year. He told me that he had a strict “no contact with exes” policy when we first met. Due to some sketchy behavior, lies and gaslighting on his part—regarding contacts with his ex-girlfriends, open dating profiles, and multiple private … Read More »

School Me Once

I’m a 38-year-old cis het woman who is also a public high school teacher in a small town. After a string of unsatisfying relationships in my 20s, I realized that I’ve only experienced sexual pleasure without a partner. Despite being excited by the idea of partnered sex, once there’s a dick inside me, I hate … Read More »


I’m a 29-year-old gay man just shy of five years sober. I’ve had to do a lot of work on myself in recovery to accept and love myself after being dragged to conversion therapy when I was a teenager by my narcissistic evangelical parents. I met a guy in AA in May who at the … Read More »

Jerked Around

I’ve been with my wife for ten years. We are both 36 years old. We moved in fast and didn’t take time to learn certain things about one another. For example, I watch porn, which she only found out about after we moved in. She had a visceral reaction. She told me it was a … Read More »


I’m a 40-year-old female, cis-het. I have very discerning tastes in men, and always end up alone. Any way to be more open without sacrificing my standards? You’ve either had a terrible run of bad luck—assuming you’ve dated more than ten men—or you’ve set your standards impossibly high. Some food for thought: perhaps you think … Read More »

Choke Hold

I have a question about choking. Or should that be simulated choking? I’ve recently discovered that being pinned down by my neck is a huge turn on for me. I love the feeling of being dominated and controlled, and of feeling my partner’s strength on this part of my body. I’m much more interested in … Read More »

That Husband Over There

I’m a 36-year-old married woman who fantasizes about her husband of 10 years being intimate with other women. This isn’t a new thing for me. I’ve fantasized about this for years, but we’ve never acted on it. He is intrigued but afraid that it might somehow damage our relationship. But I’ve done some research on … Read More »

Pound for Pound

A friend hooked me up with a much younger guy for weed. Let’s call him “Pretty Boy.” He knew something about me—Pretty Boy had been to a party at my house—and I knew something about him: he’s a burner, like our mutual. Consent is supposed to be a core burner value and before we hook up, … Read More »

Gays and Confused

From the end of Roe to the assault on democracy to the climate crisis to the war on Ukraine, it’s all bad news, all the time, for everyone. But the monkeypox outbreak is an extra little helping of bad news specifically for gay and bi men. (More than 96% of monkeypox cases have been in … Read More »

Dick Down

I’m a cis woman in her 30s who lives on the East Coast. I’ve been in an LTR with the same cis man for 12 years. No issues there at all! But we are considering opening up our relationship and I have a question about my sexuality. Basically, I’m attracted to people with penises. PIV … Read More »