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“Savage Love” is America’s longest running sex advice column. A new column is posted every Tuesday. Become a Magnum Sub for access to the full column and the Struggle Session posted every Thursday!

Quickies

1. What if I’m turned on by my own trauma? What do I do with this? You do therapy with it. And then after you’ve worked through your trauma with the help of your therapist (which includes unpacking your feelings about being turned on by your trauma), you can — taking the tiniest of baby … Read More »

What Ain’t Broke

Dear Readers: I’m away this week — I’m on a mountaintop with my out-laws — so no new Savage Love today. This column originally ran on November 6, 2018. I want to thank everyone who read, listened, commented, and — most importantly — sent in a question over the last year. This is the best gig … Read More »

Struggle Session: Merry Christmas, Gang

No Struggle Session today because it’s Christmas and I’m in a sex dungeon in Europe — no, wait: I’m doing wholesome things with family. (I’m literally baking a cake right now.) But I’ve got an interesting AQFARTIFROLOTGOMIITC for anyone who isn’t celebrating Christmas or is done celebrating Christmas or doesn’t celebrate Christmas until January. So, … Read More »

Christmas Wrapping

I’m a 28-year-old gay man who isn’t going home for Christmas for the first time in my life. I’ve been out since I was fourteen and my family has been amazingly supportive, and they love my boyfriend of four years. (They hated my first and third boyfriends, so it’s not like they love anybody I … Read More »

Struggle Session: Not Getting Married Today

Like I said last week… I’m taking a break from Struggle Session until after the new year. But I’m gonna keep sharing a question from a reader that isn’t — for reasons of length or timing — going to make it into the column. I was calling these letters “GangBangs,” since the whole gang gets … Read More »

Good Working Order

My partner is still in love with her ex. For ten years she believed him to be the love of her life. It’s been two years since they split and there’s no possibility of them getting back together because he betrayed her in the most despicable possible way. It was the kind of betrayal that … Read More »

Struggle Session: Let’s Bang, Gang!

I’m taking a break from Struggle Session until after the new year — the HUMP Jury meets this week, I have early deadlines for the holidays next week, the week after that is chaos and carbs — but I’m gonna keep the GangBangs coming! My boyfriend and I have been together a long time and … Read More »

Creepy Dancer

Cisgender bi-female late forties, living in the Bay Area. My boyfriend and I have been dating six months and are very much in love. His friends party quite a bit, lots of drinking and other party favors, and we all enjoy feeling good on the dance floor. The first time I met one of his … Read More »

Struggle Session: Dildos and Randos

Struggle Session is a bonus column where I respond to comments — just a few — from readers and listeners. I also share a letter that won’t be included in the column and invite my readers to share their advice. Q22 in this month’s Quickies column was from a “vagina-having person” who was wondering whether … Read More »