Hey, Everybody: After I stuck a sexual fantasy of my own into the column–Brad Pitt coming all over Ashton Kutcher’s face–a reader suggested that I devote an entire column to my readers’ sexual fantasies. Upping the ante, I decided to have a sexual-fantasy contest, with prizes going to readers whose sexual fantasies were selected for publication.
Well, after slogging through hundreds of e-mails from straight guys and lesbians who want to do Britney Spears, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nicole Kidman, and the Olsen twins, and gay guys and straight women who want to do the guy in the Dell Computer commercials, Russell Crowe, George Stephanopoulos, and John Walker Lindh (in his clean-shaven, on-trial-for-his-life incarnation), I’ve come to the conclusion that other people’s sexual fantasies are BORING. Reading about other people’s sexual fantasies is like listening to someone tell you about a dream he had last night; it’s dull, dull,...