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Proceed with Caution

Yesh and No

We’re sick and tired of hearing about your sick fascination with Ashton Kutcher. Whatever happened to breast-milk cheese, ejaculating into women’s shoes, or screwing your sister?

Hot Old Twosome Bored of Dan

My thing for Ashton is sweet and wholesome–and it’s annoying the shit out of my boyfriend, so I will drop it. (Nevertheless my boyfriend came up with a much better name for the next show I want Ashton to star in. Hey, MTV, how’s this sound: Instead of Ashton Kutcher starring in Fagged, Ashton Kutcher stars in Spunked. Could be big.) Still, HOTBOD, I’m afraid I’m not going to get to the cheese-makers, shoe-spunkers, and sister-screwers this week. I recently attempted to define rape–I went out on a limb and said “rape” meant “forced sex”–and furious e-mail poured in. Let me wade through a few rape responses this week, and,...

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