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Whiners

Fuck Off, Faghag

I gotta say I’m a bit disappointed in you. I’ve been reading your column for years and you’ve answered the same question from gay men many times: “How can I hook up with my straight roommate?” Months ago I asked you a similar question–“How can I hook up with my gay best friend?”–and I got nothing. NOTHING! I explained to you my situation–he’s cute, we flirt all the time, and he always says stuff like “We look like we’re going out!” while he’s hanging all over me. I asked you what I could do to hook up with him just once… just because he’s driving me crazy… and I’m falling for him… and you didn’t respond at all! You didn’t even tell me to fuck off! I even thought of a great acronym! Dan, Dan, Dan. Please respond this time! How do I get in this boy’s pants?

Flustered About Gay Hookup and Giddy

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