Struggle Session: Ethical FinDoms, Abortion Pills, Big Dancers, Safety Friends, and More…

...ern to the appropriate state agency responsible for investigating elder abuse, neglect, and financial exploitation. All important matters to consider! And I’m guessing the finsub may have already considered them, considering he (presumably) suggested marriage as a way to pass his assets along in a manner less likely to draw legal scrutiny. But SETUP’s sub does have relatives out there who may see themselves as potential heirs. And if the sub knows those relatives well enough to know they’re Trump supporters and homophobes, they presumably know him well enough to know he’s loaded. So, they could come out of the woodwork after his death and create legal headaches for SETUP. Even if SETUP were to prevail in court, he could wind up being tried, convicted, and brutally cancelled in the court of public opinion. But if if there’s enough money to mount a defense and still have piles left over, would it matter if he got dragged on cable news for weeks or months? And, I’m sorry, but if Matt Gaetz can get away with what he’s alleged to gotten away with, and George Santos can get away with what he’s getting away with right now, and Donald Fucking Trump can get away with what Donald Fucking Trump has always gotten away with… maybe SETUP, who isn’t fucking around with minors or killing dogs or inciting violent insurrections, can get away with… accepting a large, one-time gift from an admirer who is in his right mind? I mean, if Jared Kushner can get away with it… why can’t a nice gay Findom like SETUP? Zooming out, regular commenter SloMoPoMo is entertaining certain doubts… This is such a neatly-framed hypothetical that I can’t help but wonder about it. Still, all the letters are hypotheticals to us here, nicht? I was really hoping Dan would hash this out as a dialog between Chidi and Eleanor from The Good Place. Every question that appears in the column, as I’ve long said, is just a good hypothetical for every reader save one. I don’t make letters up (I’m far too lazy), and I don’t run questions that are obviously fake. (Unless it’s an insult disguised as a fake question — an insult directed at me — because I love those.) We’ll mostly likely never hear from or about SETUP ever again if his question is fake. But if SETUP is for real… well, there’s a pretty good chance SETUP may be the subject of a true crime podcast and competing Netflix/Hulu documentaries before the decade is up. (Also, I watched a few episodes of The Good Place but didn’t get into it. Maybe I’ll give the show another shot!) Old Lady weighs in on SETUP… Ethics aside, this scenario cries out for an attorney, tax expert, and lawyer. Monetary gifts over a certain amount are taxable as income. Most states have a 5-year-look-back period if the sub needs Medicaid longterm care. Makes a case for marriage as the solution. But I have to give the FinDom kudos for questioning the ethics of the situation. He seems like a decent guy. And big kudos to Dan for quoting Kant! Last word to Curious… The letter writer should assume the offer was made because his client knew that, as an ethical FinDom, SETUP would not accept. Disappointed I didn’t see that said. Plus the client is old, not dead, and may have need of assets while alive. Life gets more expensive at the end. I’ve been urging my readers and listeners — male, female, enby, cis, trans, gay, straight, bi, pan, omni, old, young, etc., etc., etc. — to stock up on abortion pills, aka “medication abortion,” which have a shelf life of five years. Even if you never need them, someone you know might. A listener flags a distressing new development… Over the summer, I know you all were chatting a lot about the abortion pills in the post-Dobbs environment. If you ever want to flag sources of the pills to women, Aid Access is a group that provides the pills for free or at low-cost, operated by the same women who organized Women on Waves a decade and a half ago (they provided abortions on ships offshore of countries where it was illegal). There’s a new federal court case with a decision expected on February 24 that may create further barriers to access, so it may be increasingly important to flag initiatives like this. Happy to flag Aid Access again, along with Plan C Pills. And here’s a Washington Post story about the federal judge in Texas, appointed by Donald Trump, who may issue a ruling as soon as next week banning medication abortion nationwide. So, if you haven’t already stocked up, stock up now. If you aren’t already registered to vote, register. (Let’s keep kicking the asses of forced birthers the ballot box.) And remember: even if this ruling makes it harder for women who need M&Ms, it’s not going to stop people from mailing these pills into the country. A reader emails… Regarding your thoughts about Sam Smith, could it just be that Smith doesn’t want his own personal equivalent to Henry Kissinger in his video? That’s not inconsistent with your proposal that it might have been a “missed opportunity,” but then not every video has to make, or represent, a broad political statement. I wasn’t suggesting that Sam Smith should’ve featured dancers in his video as repulsive — morally or otherwise — as Henry Kissinger. I was suggesting that Smith, who is credited with challenging conventional standards of beauty, missed an opportunity to showcase dancers who do the same. Bigger dancers, not repulsive dancers. (Bigger ≠ repulsive!) About the caller who new butt plug arrived busted… Dan, you were right! Either return it or throw it away! But what you missed was the fact that ordering from Wish.Com is the equivalent of dumpster diving on the internet with the convenience of delivery! While the listing may have said that it was “stainless steal,” it probably wasn’t. There is a good chance that plug could contain lead and other nasty elements and compounds that you don’t want your ass absorbing. Save your money and purchase a high quality one from a reputable sex shop! Your butt will thank you! The debate about where it’s safest for a woman to meet up with a new man for the first time continues to rage on my Facebook page. Should my caller have a new guy over to her place? Or should she head over to his place? Says Alison… Whichever you choose, have a safety person. A friend who knows exactly who you’re with and where. And the guy should know there’s a safety person — if he balks at that idea, that’s an instant no. Says Amber… I’m going against the grain but I feel safest at home and I’ve always hosted. I know where my exits are if shit goes sideways and I know what I can use for a weapon and where it is. Says Eva-Lise… Safest is in public, at a sex club. Just saying. To the caller who is thinking about reaching out to a woman who had a child nine-ish months after they slept together — a child who is now an adult — one listener had a suggestion… Best is to get your DNA on the registry and if the child wants to find you, they can. Having grown up with lots of hippie adults, it turns out most of my friends have “bonus” siblings out there and most of those reunions have been positive. Lots of listeners wrote in to ask… What was that card game Dan mentioned? The one he and his boyfriend play obsessively? It was on the episode that aired on Valentine’s Day. Schnapsen! Another longtime reader hit the wall… What is the world coming to? We have to pay to read your complete column now? Why? It seems greedy! I know you are not alone and all kinds of previously free-to-access publications are now behind paywalls. I do not currently live in an area where I can read your column in a printed version. I have been a faithful reader since the “Hey, faggot!” days and now my weekly online reading is gone. You lost a reader, Dan! — Glenn In the “Hey, Faggot!” days my column was 1100-1200 words long. These days it’s 1600-to-1900 words long and sometimes longer. So, with 3/4 of the column still “free to read,” my non-subscribing readers are still getting as much Savage Love now as they did back in the “Hey, Faggot!” days. But I agree: paywalls are annoying! Which is why I dragged my feet on creating one for years. But I stopped charging papers to run my column at the start of the pandemic and the papers that survived didn’t have budgets for columns and freelancers anymore. So, we got a paywall, like everybody else. But our prices — $40 a year compared to $50 a year  (or more!) over at Substack — are low. (And I still make the column to publications with print editions for free!) When we created the paywall for Savage Lovecast, we didn’t take anything away from the listeners we already had. We doubled the length of the show and invited people who wanted more Savage Lovecast to subscribe. We tried to do the same thing with the column: we increased the length of the column — and brought back “Struggle Session” (formerly “Reader Response Roundup”) — and invited readers who wanted more Savage Love to subscribe. But because I value your feedback, Glenn, and because you said the magic words (“a reader since the ‘Hey, Faggot!’ days”), we’ve sent you a gift subscription! Which means you’ll be able to read my response to your email… which is behind the paywall. Random asides: Congrats, Jinkx! Go, Chelsea! Agreed, Jay! Every once in a while I run across a kink that’s somehow never come up in Savage Love. Also knew/news to me: oldfishing! And finally… Urine may not be strictly sterile. Know what else isn’t sterile? Dicks. Or someone else’s tongue. Or anus. There are reasons that urine could be dangerous — mostly drugs someone else has ingested — but bacteria isn’t one of them. Not to say putting piss on an open wound or in a jar of mayonnaise is a great idea, but the mouth and stomach are generally set up to receive bacteria from the environment. Okay, that’s it for this week’s Struggle Session!