Quickies

...ay men too, e.g., the medications we rely on to keep ourselves safe, meds like PrEP (protects neg guys from infection) and antiretrovirals (keeps poz guys alive). Taking loads from poz guys — immature men, regardless of age — may wind up having consequences you didn’t see coming. Best resources for newly self-discovered ace? I’m sex neutral. I’m guessing you’ve already found your way to some online resources, seeing as you’re using ace-y jargon like “sex neutral.” But just in case: The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (www.asexuality.org) remains an invaluable resource — but if you prefer something more informal, Cody Daigle-Orians, aka “Ace Dad Advice,” has built a supportive community on Instagram (@AceDadAdvice) and their Substack (acedadadvice.substack.com). How much masturbation is too much masturbation? If you’re beating holes in your dick and/or overtaxing the grid with your vibrators, you might need to dial it back a bit. Do I qualify as gay if I’m not into oral or anal at all, but I love absolutely everything else about men? If you’re a man, yes. If not, no. What are your thoughts on Wicked being two movies? I’m a triple threat: I enjoy oral and anal and movie musicals. So, the more movie musicals, the better — which means I’m thrilled that Wicked is not one movie, but two. But the Stephen Schwartz musical I’ve always wanted to see adapted for film is Pippin. Get on it, Hollywood! As a female Dom, do I need verbal consent to slap/squeeze the balls of a new male sub? You should bring up ball play/torture when you’re negotiating a scene with a new sub — if CBT is something you’re into — but very mild ball play can be incorporated into a scene that’s already underway: just give your sub’s balls a gentle squeeze. And if that gentle squeeze elicits a positive response, tighten your grip — just a bit — and use your words: “Do you like it when I hurt your balls?” If he asks for more, squeeze a little harder. But more extreme forms of ball play (slapping, punching, kicking) can’t be ventured without prior discussion and consent. Why are hetero men embarrassed to be uncut while gay men are proud of it?  Because uncut gay men tend to get a positive reception from other gay men (“Yay! More cock to suck!”) while uncut straight men tend to get a negative reception from straight women (“Shit. More cock to suck.”) How common is it for someone to actually fuck a hot delivery driver? Hot delivery drivers, hot stepmoms, hot coaches — it’s easy to dismiss these scenarios as porn tropes. But just because something happens in porn doesn’t mean it never happens in real life. So, I’m sure there are people out there who’ve fucked a hot delivery driver and/or their dad’s hot new wife and/or their college wrestling coach. And since the delivery driver is the only scenario that — if realized in real life — doesn’t involve an unforgivable betrayal and/or an abuse of institutional authority, here’s hoping “hot delivery drive” is the scenario that most often happens IRL. Can I ask my husband to wear a condom for anal? I don’t like it when he comes in my bum. You get to decide where, when, how, and how long someone gets to fuck your bum — it’s your bum — and if you don’t enjoy the aftermath of taking your husband’s load up your bum, you can tell (not ask) your husband to wear a condom for anal and/or pull out. (Always loving hearing from Brit readers!) I’ve read lots of letters in your column from cuckolds and their wives but none from a Bull. I am a Bull. I love fucking other men’s wives in front of them and I love humiliating a cuck in front of his wife. My best friend insists that makes me a little bit gay. I don’t know if you’re a little bit gay — are you one of those Bulls who lets the cuck “clean up” (read: suck) your cock? — but it sounds like your best friend is a little bit jealous. (For the record: Bulls who let cucks suck their cocks are a little bit bi.) What if I don’t like how someone smells or tastes? Can that change? If the issue is poor personal hygiene — they don’t bathe regularly, use deodorant on demand, floss and brush their teeth on a daily basis — adopting good personal hygiene practices could make a difference. If someone is already doing all those things and you don’t like how they smell or taste, it’s a chemical clash that no amount of mouthwash or cologne can mask. Why as I’ve gotten older has my cum gotten thicker? The quality of sperm cells and the volume of ejaculate are both “negatively correlated with age,” according to this very depressing study from The Journal of Assisted Reproductive Genetics. Is the rimjob/blowjob combo the closest a man ever comes to heaven? Some men, sure. But not all men like having their asses eaten — hell, not all men like having their dicks sucked. Couples that share douche bulbs are gross, right?  Sharing a douche with a partner is a little like sharing a toothbrush with one… in as much as it grosses us out more than it probably should. If you’re already going down on each other and/or eating each other’s asses, why so precious about a toothbrush or a douche bulb? (For the record: I say that as someone who is extremely precious about toothbrushes and douche bulbs.) How do I stop going back to an ex that I know isn’t a good long-term fit when the sex is so good? If you can’t fuck your not-a-good-fit ex without fantasizing about getting back together again — or, even worse still, without briefly getting back together again — you need to stop fucking your ex. But if you can’t manage a hard pivot to FWB, you might wanna revisit your assumptions. Great sexual chemistry isn’t everything, but it’s not nothing. Sometimes the sex is so good you find a way to make the rest of it fit. What’s the likelihood of infection when going between cunnilingus and anilingus? You don’t want to accidentally introduce fecal bacteria into the vaginal canal — so never go from anilingus to cunnilingus. If you want to finish with cunnilingus, you need to start with it and stick with it. Is it possible to swallow too much of your own partner’s cum over time? Asking for a friend. Dr. Josh Trebach, an emergency medicine physician and a toxicology expert, weighed in on this question in a column published in February of 2002. If you had “word art” in your house — think signs that say “Eat/Pray/Love” or “It’s Always 5 O’clock Somewhere!” — what would your sign say? Eat/Gay/Ass. Why is my hole so tight yet I yearn for the fist? Your hole clearly wants to exit its tight era and enter its gape era. How do you tell an emotionally immature and very stubborn man that he is emotionally immature and very stubborn and make him listen? On your way out. Is pegging just straight sex? My baby gay best friend thought it could refer to lesbian sex, too, and I was like, “Oh, honey…”  Not according to the Oxford English Dictionary. The OED (“the unsurpassed guide to the meaning, history, and usage of 500,000 words and phrases past and present, from across the English-speaking world”) defines “pegging” as “a sexual activity in which a person (typically a woman) penetrates the anus of a sexual partner (typically a man) using a strap-on dildo.” That wasn’t how my readers defined the term (“when a woman fucks a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo”), but meaning follows usage and — as the OED quite rightly notes — everyone is pegging these days. So long as your lesbian friends are having anal sex with a strap-on dildo, they’re pegging. I know you don’t always like going to the clubs and bars and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been to one. There is a high chance I’m going to one soon. Is there anything you recommend trying to feel more comfortable in that environment? Half a pot lozenge and permission to leave at any time. Whether you need to give yourself permission to go at any time or you need to get permission from your partner and/or posse to take off at any time, knowing you’re free to leave — without having to make the rounds to say goodbye — can help you stick around a little longer than you might otherwise. Always works for me. Are there any AI programs out there that are almost as good as cam girls on commercial websites, who can both talk in a friendly way to you and have enough video bandwidth to move in a sexy way? No clue. Settle a vocabulary debate: is it “splooge” or “spooge”? We defer to your expertise! Both work, both mean the same thing — ejaculation — but sploshing means something else entirely. Asking for splosh when you wanted splooge/spooge or vice-versa is messy mistake. Is there a positive, constructive way to raise the topic of toys — dildos — to a loving partner of many, many years who is in denial about his erectile dysfunction? I am seeking a way to talk about this in a way that empowers, not diminishes him. Thank you for your attention to this request. You could try incorporating hand-held toys into your play, e.g., dildos, plugs, vibrators. If he likes them you could suggest getting a harness — one he can wear on his thigh or his forehead or his crotch — in order to leave his hands free for other things (including his own). Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love! Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love