We’re doing something a different with Struggle Session for the rest of the summer: Instead of me responding at length to reader/listener comments, I’m tossing up one or two short things — quick comments, quick responses — and then sharing a letter that came in this week that’s too long for the column. (Savage Love still runs in print publications! My word count isn’t infinite!) My readers are invited to read the letter — if you have the bandwidth — and then offer up some advice. But first…
Says Bill via email…
I’m old and grew-up understanding “transvestites” were straight men who got satisfaction (of any kind) cross-dressing as women. But you never hear this term anymore. What changed?
Wikipedia explains it all for us: “The terms transvestism and transvestite were coined by Magnus Hirschfeld in 1910. In the early 20th century, transvestite referred to cross-dressers, and also a variety of people who would now be considered
... all for us: “The terms transvestism and transvestite were coined by Magnus Hirschfeld in 1910. In the early 20th century, transvestite referred to cross-dressers, and also a variety of people who would now be considered transgender. The term transvestite is now considered outdated and derogatory, and has been replaced with the more neutral word cross-dresser.”
Says Aubrey via email…
Hi, Dan! I’m writing in to share a veritable goldmine of Muppet-faced men for you to enjoy: the rock band Wallows. (P.S. I’ve had a boyfriend for almost a year and I’ve been trying to place his type — and now, thanks to you, I can say it’s Muppet! I’m happily dating a white skinny Muppet-faced tattoo artist musician with a big dick!)
Also via email…
I read every week but sometimes I don’t know what one of your abbreviations means. What is DWYNTDTSMASS? I can’t find it anywhere.
Googling “DWYNTDTSMASS” isn’t much help, as it brings up just two results, both recent Savage Love columns, where I used — but did not define or explain — an abbreviation so unwieldy that it makes LGBTQQIP2SAA look slim and trim. So, to create a third Google result that clarifies things: DWYNTDTSMASS stands for “do what you need to do to stay married and stay sane.” That, of course, is the advice I sometimes give — sometimes ≠ alltimes — to people who find themselves in sexless and/or dysfunctional relationships that they can’t and/or don’t want to end.
Alright, here’s this week’s letter that’s way too long — way, way, way — for the column. Jump into the comment thread and discuss!
[Letter removed.]
UPDATE: We have a strict “no takesies-backsies” policy here at Savage Love — we have to — but I’m making exception for this Letter Writer, who asked me to pull down her very long and involved question.
Please note: If you want to send me a letter that you don’t want published — because organizing your thoughts in the form of a letter to an advice columnist might be helpful (it sometimes is!) — you’re welcome to do so. I honestly don’t mind receiving letters like that, I read them, and I sometimes respond privately. But it’s on you to include “not for publication” somewhere in your letter, if you don’t want your letter published, preferably right at the top.