Struggle Session: Sheaths and Packers

...em>not gay) more difficult. Many gay men assume guys who work in gay bars are promiscuous and that they can do and say anything to us. I’ve been followed into the office and the bathroom by drunk men who assume I’m there to service customers sexually. For the record: My bartender friend also resents — he very much resents — the assumption that the bartenders in gay bars are huge gay sluts. (He did think, however, think the bartenders in gay bars should be gay.) But he admits to having fucked more than one guy in the beer cooler, the DJ booth, the office, and the bathroom of the bar where he works. But I wanna say this to my fellow fags: Don’t sexually harass the bartenders, you assholes! And don’t assume they’re sluts or gay or into you just because they’re friendly. And if the bartenders are cold, it might because they’re sick of being hit on when they’re friendly. IBS’s letter in this week’s Savage Love — he’s the straight guy who wants to hold a big dick in his hand while the guy it’s attached to takes a piss — had Delta35 nibbling his madeleines… When I was young I was in the top 2% of dick sizes easily. Very popular at piss parties. Now that AARP has me on their list, it’s definitely not nearly as impressive a sight (nor quite as strong of a stream) when I piss on the guys in the tubs at piss parties today — impressive still, but not quite the same as 30 years ago. IBS, who also sounds like he’s into small cock humiliation, may want to try a gay piss party. Of course, he’s not at all interested in gay sex, eh? That’s her story and she’s sticking to it. Says Thingamajig about the same question… LW wants to wrap his hands around a big old schlong. If he can negotiate terms with his local professional big-schlong-haver, good for him. But the experience he’ll get is one of holding another guy’s big dick, not having (or holding) his own. What he says he wants is nonsense, but if that’s what he needs to tell himself to enjoy the experience, I suppose he’s not hurting anyone. I don’t think it’s necessarily nonsense. Sure, IBS may be lying to himself and/or lying to us when he says there’s nothing sexual about his desire to hold a big ol’ dick in his hands. But people are complicated and straight men are people. (I said what I said.) I’ve known gay men who wanted to hold a woman’s breasts in their hands — just once — and I didn’t doubt they were gay. Says BiDanFan… IBS: There are ways you could explore this without using another man’s cock. (I agree with Dan: If you want to do this with a man, find a sex worker and pay him.) But you won’t be able to feel the pee coming through his dick anyway. I would suggest using a sheath and wearing it all the time to have the sensation of a big cock in your pants, having to shift it round, feeling the weight of it, the awkwardness of sitting, etc. Bonus, you can fuck your wife with it. While pee doesn’t thunder through a man’s cock, you can definitely feel it making its way through the urethra of another man’s cock — if you happen to be holding that man’s cock while he takes a piss. (No followup questions, please.) Cock sheaths are hollow dildos that a man can insert his cock into before inserting his cock into a partner. (I wanted to make a turducken joke here but couldn’t quite work it out by deadline.) But IBS didn’t want to experience having a huge erection, which is what a cock sheath would simulate, he wanted to feel what it was like to have a huge soft cock — he wanted to know what it was like for a hung guy to shower, adjust, and take a piss. So, packers might be a better option for IBS than cock sheaths. Says NoCuteName… I think Dan misunderstood the first caller, the one who’s tired of all the choking she’s discovering in hookup sex. She said that the most recent man told her he couldn’t get off without choking his partner, and Dan seemed to believe that this was said before any kind of sex was being had and while everyone was still clothed. In fact, he congratulated the caller and this dude for talking about their needs and desires in advance of having sex. I heard no such assurance. I suspect that there was no discussion of which sex acts might be required, which would be appreciated, but optional, and which might be forbidden. I assume that they started to have sex with very little discussion, the guy started to choke her, she pulled away and voiced her extreme displeasure or distress, and the dude then told her that he couldn’t finish without choking her. You’re making an assumption, NoCuteName, and I’m making an inference. (Am I using inference correctly here?) You’re assuming the caller was choked by this guy because it’s (sadly) common for men initiate choking without asking for their partner’s consent; I’m inferring this particular guy didn’t choke the caller because she called to complain about him… and she would’ve included the fact that he choked her without her consent in her call if he had. I can only infer — from the absence of that detail — that it didn’t happen. (If the caller is reading this, please jump into the comment and let us know who’s right!) Says RedBlonde about my response to that same caller… I worry about too often throwing out the idea that a woman wouldn’t leave or say no to a dangerous or unpleasant situation because she fears violence from a male partner. (As Dan did in the call about choking.) I don’t want to blame women who have bad experiences for not leaving, but I would advise people to try to leave except under certain very extreme circumstances. It is sensible for women to fear men, but in the vast majority of cases, a man isn’t going to get violent. He might get angry or pouty or pathetic, but that’s preferable to me than going along with something dangerous or with something that I don’t want to do. I throw that idea out there — that a woman might not feel safe saying no to a man — as much for men as I do for women. I want women to feel like they can say no when they need or want to (when they feel uncomfortable or unsafe or they’re just not feeling it); I also want men to make sure women feel safe saying no to them if they need to. And InspiredDesires asks the obvious question (so obvious that I’ve asked it myself): If choking is incredibly dangerous and everyone is doing it, where are the bodies? My apologies to SundaeGirl… I used “pegging” in a zoom marketing meeting today, thinking it meant targeting a donor group. I’ve never seen so many heads snap up at once at the use of a word. Go with “sodomizing” next time? Says Myq Kaplan… “Snakes and Bladders” is an incredible title for this column. Great work! Thank you, Myq. I work hard on headlines for the column! Lots of sex advisors have given/ripped off my #FuckFirst advice — even using #FuckFirst — without crediting me. So, I appreciate the Libido Fairy for crediting me! Looking good (and completely agree), BCredeurLMT! Impeach. The. Mother. Fucker. Again… Thanks @dansavage.bsky.social [image or embed] — BCredeurLMT (@bcredeurlmt.bsky.social) November 12, 2025 at 12:29 AM Okay, here’s this week’s bonus letter… I wonder if I’m the only one who’s sick to death of non-monogamy? I’m calling out the polyamorous couples on dating sites who think they’re more enlightened than the rest of us. Newsflash: flaunting your “open relationship” doesn’t make you special. It just makes you sound pretentious. Let’s be real: “open relationship” is just code for “I want to fuck around and still have a partner.” I’ll never understand why someone would marry someone only to pursue multiple partners. Where’s the loyalty? Where’s the commitment? Cynical Forty-Something Monogamous Single Male Oh, boy. There are some things I could say. But I’m going to sit this one out. If you’ve got something to say to CFSMSM, drop your say in the comments…