Struggle Session: The Muppet-Faced Man of the Year

...es! If the caller is lucky enough to have a male partner secure enough to hear her say, “Only a thick cock — which you don’t have but could get for under $200 — can make me come,” then a penis sleeve/extender is an elegant solution. Most men, however, would have a meltdown if a partner so much as hinted at their cock being too small to get the job done. A reader flagged this story at OutSports for me. “I think you will want to bring back ‘Muppet-Faced Man of the Week’ after seeing this 22-year-old male gymnast (and NCAA champ) who just ‘hard-launched‘ his new boyfriend,” Phillip writes. “He may be the Muppetiest man I’ve ever seen. Don’t you agree?” Hard agree, Phillip, hard agree. Speaking of hot gymnasts: Feast of the Ass is coming! And it looks like we’re going to have an official glazed bundt cake you can order this year — details to come — and we already have an unofficial beer. Okay! Here’s this week’s GangBang*… Just your average straight white dude here. Something came up not too long ago with a lover, regarding the proper way to wipe one’s ass. She noted when we were both in the bathroom doing our bathroom thing, I wipe my ass from the front instead of reaching all the way around behind my ass and wiping from front to back, like she and most women do, understandably, to avoid cross contamination, infection, etc. I have zero memory of my potty training days, and no memory of how I trained my own two kids. Thus, I turn to you, Dan, the individual with more knowledge of the human undercarriage than anyone else on the planet. Am I doing it all wrong? Do I need to retrain myself on my asswipe method? I’m actually very anal (no pun intended) when it comes to wiping my ass after dropping a deuce. I take great care to make sure I don’t pull anything too far forward to the point where it would come anywhere near the base of my package. I have always taken great pride in keeping my shit tight (again, no pun intended) in this regard: my underpants have always been a “no skid zone.” Yet, I find myself second guessing whether I’m an asswipe freak who has been doing it all wrong my whole life I welcome your thoughts, brother. Wiping In Possible Error I don’t have an answer for you, WIPE, but I do have a question: What the fuck is wrong with you? And what the fuck is wrong with your girlfriend? Why are you “dropping deuces” in front of each other?!? I’ve been with Terry for thirty years and I have never once watched that man take a shit and I would never allow him to watch me take a shit. I know that he wipes, WIPE, but I have no idea how he wipes and I don’t wanna know how he wipes! If you have some advice for WIPE — on technique or anything else — you can, er, drop it in the comments. * Does “GangBang” work for everybody? I’ve been trying to come up with something pithier and more succinct than, “Here’s a question that came in this week that for reasons of timing or length isn’t going to make it into column,” and a friend suggested “GangBang Question.” (GBQ for short!) Is that acceptable to the gang? Or does the gang find “gangbang” offensive? Let me know in the comments, gang!