Actually, you might wanna burn this one before reading. You’ve been warned.
It’s ironic that this letter came in this week, as we had a sewage pipe burst in our basement and… yeah. Let’s just say we were living the dream. Not our dream, to be clear, but definitely the dream of the LW’s husband. You should be able to piece together where this letter goes. If you choose to keep reading, that’s on you.
I don’t think there’s an easy answer for this one, Dan,
I’m gay. Happily married to a sexy, handsome, man. Recently, he began to open up about a kink. I’m open to most anything — except pain, piss, and poop. It was the latter. Apparently, eating feces is a sexual turn on to him. It is NOT for me. And I have no interest in watching either. I tried to ignore the question to make it go away. It didn’t.
Thinking back over the past few years, there were vague hints. I like to feel clean, so I usually do a quick wash up before sex. He would stop me when he could, saying that he didn’t want to taste soap. I was uncomfortable, but he had no problem with it and would rim me when I wasn’t “fresh.”
There were times after I fucked him when he really offered to suck my dick no matter how dirty. Another time, he grabbed a dirty dildo that had been in my ass and began to suck it clean. Shit sometimes happens no matter how well you prep. But, eating it? I was beyond turned off.
He’s a huge germaphobe. Disinfecting everything beyond normal housecleaning. To the point of ruining fabrics, woodwork, etc. So, none of this makes sense.
The more he drinks, the more demanding he gets about everything. One night when he was drinking after he “shared” his kink with me, I woke me up to him fingering up my ass. I tried to move away — I wasn’t ready for this — but he didn’t stop. I literally had to hit him to get him to stop. His fingers were dirty because I was not douched and he sucked them and asked if he could finger me some more. I was shocked and disgusted and angry.
The next morning, he was moody and angry. He started drinking around noon and when I told him that he had to put his feces fantasies to rest forever, he destroyed the kitchen. Dumped out kitchen drawers, broke the oven door, and smashed dishes. When he finally calmed down, he said that exploring fantasies was what married couples do. I agree, but this isn’t one of them.
We had a conversation after cleaning up the mess and he suggested the possibility of exploring this kink outside of our relationship. I told him I would consider it. Since I don’t believe in open relationships, for me to even consider it says a lot.
I have looked on the internet trying to find something about this kind of kink and all I found was that it was common in mentally disturbed and schizophrenic people. He is NEITHER of those things. For obvious reasons, I can’t discuss this with anyone. It’s too disturbing. I have lived a vanilla life up to no and I have with no desire to add a “chocolate swirl” at this stage.
Confused Regarding Appalling Paraphilia
P.S. Any suggested web sites or publications that might help me understand?