On Thursdays I share a question from a reader and do my best to sit on my hands and let my readers give the advice…
I kind of know what you’re going to say, Dan: “Use your words.” But I’m having a hard time figuring out which words to use, I’m not even entirely sure why, and so I’m writing to you.
My wife and I are happily into using vibrators and other toys during sex, and recently seemingly found success with a realistic dildo. She likes it because it feels like the real thing and, well, it’s bigger than I am. Which is fine! I like it because it’s almost like watching her have sex “with another dick” from a third-person vantage point. We don’t use it every time, but we both seem to enjoy it when we do. The thing is, I’m always the one to introduce it during our play. She never, ever goes and pulls it out of the drawer herself. And I really want her to be the one to pull it out! I want her to talk about how she likes it and really wants that bigger dick inside her. But she’s not verbal during sex and doesn’t like role-play scenarios. So, I feel like we’ve got this awesome toy that we both like but only one of us seems affirmatively excited for. And yes, I’ve talked to her during non-sexy times and she’s confirmed that she likes the toy and enjoys using it.
I get it: I’m more into this toy or kink or whatever than she is. But that’s my problem. How do you ask the partner who’s happy to do a certain thing, but is less into it than you, to be the one to affirmatively introduce that thing during a session? Or is that just not a thing that’s gonna happen and I need to deal with it?
Trouble With Words
Got some advice for TWW? Drop it in the comments!