STRUGGLE SESSION: Cream Pies, Bondage Boys, Gift Cards and More!

...eampie, I would comply to any of her reasonable asks. (But maybe that’s my subby side?) Take ’em by the balls and make them beg for it, girl! After listening to straight men complain about condoms for more than thirty years — and gay men too — I’m surprised my head didn’t immediately go to, “Lady, you’re in demand! You get to make demands!” But a lady can’t vet potential sex partners if she’s getting drunk to obliterate her inhibitions before letting randos blow their loads inside her, which was the case with this caller. If the caller could be a little more intentional about it (and sober about it) — if she borrowed a page from Elaine — she could ask guys to get tested for STIs prior to hooking up with her and pop Plan B after. Guys who’d were willing to get tested and had had vasectomies (and were able to prove it) would move to the front of the line. But if part of the turn-on for the caller is the risk — and I suspect that’s a big part of the turn-on for the caller — then vetting guys to make sure they’re safe (and the sex is safe) isn’t going to work for her… unless she can layer some other form of risk/danger onto these encounters. A modest suggestion: Just as there are more guys out there who wanna have unprotected sex with random women than there are women who wanna have unprotected sex with random men, there are way more men out there into stag/vixen and hotwifing than there are women who share their kinks. So, the caller carefully vets some guys into stag/vixen before empowering the one she trusts most to vet other men on her behalf. She gets creampies from pre-screened randos and the guy with the hotwifing kink gets to whore her out. Everybody wins. TruthLemonade offers some bad advice — forgive me for being blunt — to TABB, the sweet young bondage boy whose girlfriend won’t tie him up and asked him to “just stop being kinky” for her… If you have three options: 1. Dump her, 2. Stay with her and accept no more activity with men. I would go with 2. She seems pretty great. You are good looking, but still have a hard time finding women. It is so sad that women have the audacity to not believe you that you are straight. (Although to be honest, by their definitions, they might not define you as straight.) A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. In this case, a great woman you have is worth much more than the men who will tie you up and the hypothetical woman who will accept that you do that, and you probably will not be able to find. First, that’s two options, Truth, not three. (Truth clarifies.) TABB is one those straight bondage boys who’s let gay men tie him because he can’t find women who are willing to tie him up. (Or willing to tie him up for free.) And a straight bondage boy who lets a gay man strap him to, say, a bondage chair, slip his cock into, say, one of these babies, and then, say, “forces” him to watch straight porn on a VR headset… yeah, that straight boy is still gonna be a straight at the end of the night. (I would class TABB’s experiences with men as a kind of situational homosexuality. Much like other forms of situational homosexuality, TABB’s particular brand is driven by scarcity.) The big disconnect here, Truth, is how completely you’ve misread TABB’s problem. The issue isn’t that TABB loves to get tied up by men and his mean girlfriend won’t let him go get tied up by men. It’s that he needs to get tied up by someone — anyone — and his girlfriend won’t tie him up, won’t let him get tied up by anyone else, and has asked him to Ctrl+Alt+Delete his kink, which is impossible. Telling a 24-year-old kid to settle for the “bird in his hand” when that bird is an insecure, controlling martinet… that’s some terrible advice. TABB might not wind up with someone who can meet his bondage needs, as I explained to him in my response, but he shouldn’t settle for someone who’s gonna be policing his browser history for thought crimes.  TABB would be better off alone than with someone like that. Some good advice for TABB from JJ72… TABB: in addition to the great advice others have pointed out — including that women generally get kinkier later in life — I would add that this is not true for female presenting queers and especially trans women. Even if they are not super kinky themselves, they probably have friends who are so there’s more knowledge and openness to start with. (If you’re comfortable being tied up by a man, I assume you’d be comfortable being tied up by a trans women.) Queers are a lot likelier to be open about their sexual interests and adventures and most queers understand that kinks, like sexual orientations, are hard-wired and can’t be prayed away. So, making friends in queer communities — and being open to playing with kinky trans women — is good advice. And I wanna re-emphasize the point that JJ72 emphasized: women get kinkier later in life. While that’s definitely something TABB should bear in mind (his odds are going to improve!), I also think it’s something young women — women who may not have gotten kinky yet — need to bear in mind. If you’re a 25-year-old woman and you’re totally vanilla and you meet a hot foot fetishist (or someone else with a kink that’s not too extreme) who has a lot of great qualities, MARRY THAT KINKY MAN. Because when you get kinky at 35… that man whose kink you’ve been indulging for a decade is gonna owe you. Says Sjors Houkes via BlueSky… I just listened to another episode where you recommended a parent give their child an Amazon Gift Card for sex toys. Good advice, but the Amazon promo irks me. I know it’s the easiest and cheapest, but Bezos’ behemoth is also one of the most evil businesses ever to exist. Picture it: a mom who doesn’t want her daughter (or her son) using her vibrator hands that kid a gift card and tells them to order one of their own. With that Amazon gift card in hand, the kid can say (the kid will almost certainly say) “OH MY GOD, MOM! GROSS! NO!” before storming off and slamming the door to their bedroom. And when that package comes from Amazon two days later… mom has no way of knowing what’s inside the box. It could be anything. There’s no plausible deniability when a package arrives from Smitten Kitten or Good Vibrations. Okay, here’s a question that came in this week that I won’t be able to use in the column… Long time, first time! I’m a straight man in my late twenties currently dating the woman of my dreams. She’s beautiful, gets my jokes, my friends and family love her, there aren’t many things to complain about… aside from the fact she’s discovering that she may be graysexual.  When we first met a couple years ago the sex was amazing. Her sex drive seemed much higher than I had expected, nearly matching mine, and we had great sex most every time we saw each other. Fast forward a couple years, we’re living together with a cat we adopted and life is great, aside from the sex.  We do it about twice a month now, which is much much less than I want in a hopefully lifelong relationship. I truly do want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I also have been sort of sex-obsessed my entire adulthood. I would love to explore sex with her, but at the frequency we do it, it’s hard to push our boundaries and try new things. I have certainly leaned on masturbating more to cope with my urges, which is a decent solution, but not ideal.  We had a talk about sexuality and sexual trauma which was very insightful for both of us. She confided that she has had some traumatic sexual experiences, and that most of the time we do have sex, she’s not that horny and just goes along with it because she knows I want it. I made it a point that I will not push for sex unless she makes it explicit. This has lead to a couple confusing moments, but for the most part it’s been a good system.  I suppose my question is: can an allosexual and graysexual have a sustainable sexual and romantic relationship? I could see myself marrying this woman, but also don’t want to any resentment to arise in the future. Thanks! Frustrated Allosexual Man Saw that “but” coming a mile away. My advice for FAM: open it up or shut it down. You advice for FAM? Drop it in the comments…