Joe Newton
Struggle Session is a bonus column where I respond to a few comments from readers and listeners. I also share a letter and invite readers to have the first crack at giving the advice.
I’m away this week — so Tuesday’s column was a repeat and there’s no Struggle Session today. But I’m not slacking: you got a new Savage Lovecast on Tuesday, a new Sex & Television dropped today, and we’ll have a brand new After-Action Report for you on Friday! (I’m away but I’m not slacking!)
And you’re getting this week’s letter…
Am I wrong, depraved, broken?
My wife and I have been together for 20 years married for 16. She has a history of abuse including sexual, I have a long history of being very sexual but as far as I know, no abuse I can remember. We share a high sex drive as a couple and have had many wonderful times.
The issue comes in with my infrequent use of porn — which I use in high doses, when I do use it.
Recently my wife was gone for a week. I was home...
...oken?
My wife and I have been together for 20 years married for 16. She has a history of abuse including sexual, I have a long history of being very sexual but as far as I know, no abuse I can remember. We share a high sex drive as a couple and have had many wonderful times.
The issue comes in with my infrequent use of porn — which I use in high doses, when I do use it.
Recently my wife was gone for a week. I was home with our 16-year-old daughter. One of the nights, I got drunk and passed out while watching porn and using my “pocket pussy.” I was supposed to take our daughter to work and I was not responsive from being passed out. Our bedroom door was locked, she opened it to wake me up, and saw a scene I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Needless to say, she shared what she saw with wife my when my wife returned home. My wife didn’t take this well. I’ve been beaten several times, my phone has been taken away, and “gone through.” I’ve been humiliated, shamed, and scrutinized. I know what I did was wrong and several boundaries were crossed.
My question is: Am I in the wrong if I hadn’t crossed all these boundaries? This behavior isn’t abnormal it’s just usually not found out. I guess I got sloppy as I aged and got caught. Because I’ve been discreetly doing this for the duration of our relationship. I know my wife doesn’t like me masturbating. I would prefer “the real thing” myself, but sometimes it’s nice to see something different and test my refractory period. I’ve enjoyed being on the unique side for males and being able to cum and cum but I find that trick is increasingly harder for me to do during partnered sex as I need the stim to ramp up with each orgasm. My wife and I have played with this but it’s much more effective for me with self play, but she considers self play cheating. I feel like I’m being asked to abandon my personal autonomy for the sake of our marriage. What the fuck do I even do here?
Passed Out Pocket Pussy Affront
Got some advice for POPPA? Drop it in the comments…
