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“Savage Love” is America’s longest running sex advice column. A new column is posted every Tuesday. Become a Magnum Sub for access to the full column and the Struggle Session posted every Thursday!

What Counts

I’m involved with a guy who’s married and, yes, I’m a cliché and I know it. I don’t want him to leave his wife. I don’t even want to be involved with him physically and we aren’t doing anything physical. We’ve both been good about maintaining that boundary. But we are very involved emotionally. We … Read More »

Dom and Dommer

I’m having a weird reaction to someone I’m involved with. I find myself wanting to punish him for the slightest transgressions and scold him or give him the silent treatment until he apologizes. The poor guy hasn’t done anything very wrong — nothing wrong wrong — he’s just failed to meet my unreasonably high expectations for him. … Read More »

No Struggle Session Today

Sorry, gang. Have to take a day off — for family reasons, but good/happy ones. I promise next week’s Struggle Session will be epic. In the meantime, get your nominations in now for Muppet-Faced Man of the Week!

Power Moves

I have a history of dating men I’m not attracted to physically or emotionally. I always found it weirdly comforting to know my boyfriend was obsessed with me while I had minimal feelings for him. I have explored this in therapy and chalk it up to lack of self-confidence. But a month ago I started hanging … Read More »

The Long Game

Would it be inappropriate to introduce my girlfriend to the kink/swinger scene if I plan to break up with her? I’ve been unhappy for a decade, but I’ve been able to fake the funk until pretty recently. I’ve been failing at that lately and the lack of sex is making her unhappy, as she has … Read More »


1. Best advice on dating without resorting to apps? Go places, do shit, meet people — fuck, rinse, repeat. 2. I’m about to visit a gay nudist resort for the first time (although I’ve been to heterosexual nudist resorts in the past). I’ve been bi all my life and am now in my 70s. What … Read More »