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The Thursday Letter

One quick bit of feedback from a reader before we get to the Thursday letter… I was just listening to the After Action Report with the monogamous straight couple who got a couple’s massage and private room. I wanted to chime in as another monogamous, cis-het mid 40s woman and say that the Savage Lovecast … Read More »

Much Obliged

I’m a happily married pregnant woman. My wife and I have had a bit of a slowdown in the sex department, but nothing too worrying considering my “condition.” During this pregnancy I’ve had an increase in libido, but I haven’t shared that with her. We were having some conflict when I started to experience this … Read More »

The Thursday Letter: Can a Loving Partner Become a Brutal Dom?

I’m going to be taking a break from Struggle Session for a bit — but I will be engaging more in the comments, which feels more like a conversation. But I’m gonna keep posting bonus Savage Love letters Thursdays and letting my readers have the first crack at giving the advice. And here’s this week’s … Read More »

Homework

I’m a 50-year-old married bisexual American man living in Europe with my wife and kids. The “bi” part of me is still extremely new. Two years ago, I started seeing a sex-positive therapist to address my significant interest (and feelings of guilt about) kink and BDSM. Long story short, I admitted to myself that I … Read More »

Struggle Session: Drunken JO Sesh Ends in Disaster

Struggle Session is a bonus column where I respond to a few comments from readers and listeners. I also share a letter and invite readers to have the first crack at giving the advice. I’m away this week — so Tuesday’s column was a repeat and there’s no Struggle Session today. But I’m not slacking: … Read More »

Poly Under Duress

Dear Readers: I’m off this week. To tide you over until I’m back, the tech-savvy, at-risk youth pulled some classic “PUD” questions from the archives. A PUD, of course, is someone who is “poly under duress.” Because while some start poly and some achieve poly, others have poly thrust upon ’em. These are their stories. … Read More »

Struggle Session: Folly Jamboree!

Struggle Session is a bonus column where I respond to comments — just a few — from readers and listeners. I also share a letter that won’t be included in the column and invite my readers take a turn giving advice. I’m hosting the HUMP Film Festival in Seattle this weekend — come see me … Read More »

Quickies

1. My boyfriend swears he’s cut. I say he’s totally uncut. He insists he was circumcised as an infant. How do I convince him? Some circumcisions are “tight” (all of the foreskin removed) and others are “loose” (most of the foreskin left intact). The looser the circumcision, the more “uncut” a man’s cock might appear. … Read More »

Struggle Session: Come See HUMP (And Me!) This Weekend in Seattle!

Struggle Session is a bonus column where I respond to comments — just a few — from readers and listeners. I also share a letter that won’t be included in the column and invite my readers take a turn giving advice. Hey, everybody! HUMP 2026 Spring Program opened last night in Seattle — watch the … Read More »

Out With It

I have a complicated question. I’m a woman in my 30s who has been married for a few years to my husband. We are very much in love and have a wonderful relationship. We met when I was in college, and worked at the same place together. Eventually, we became friends. We maintained a long-distance … Read More »